HeartBorken Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 I don't know if it because i am just looking at these forums but i'm starting to feel like what is the point of a relationship?? There is so much risk of getting hurt time and time again. Is all that pain really worth it? I understand relationships fail and you can use that as experience for your next one but how many times must a heart be broken until your just ready to give up? A bit about my family past. Both my Uncle and Dad are divorced and have never remarried since. They say they rather just date around now rather than run the risk of being hearth broken in a committed relationship again. I personally feel that if you invest time and effort into a relationship you will get hurt if they ever decided to end it. So why run the risk? GIGS/Cheaters/Manipulators/......... This just seems scary as hell to me.............(I didn't really know a lot of breakup terms until i came here and now i feel like relationships just aren't worth it. Not because of this site but because i really see how messed up people can be.)
Author HeartBorken Posted November 8, 2013 Author Posted November 8, 2013 Would you stop applying for jobs because of fear of rejection? Would you not travel because something dangerous might happen? Would you not make friends because of fear that they might leave? It's a long, lonely life without love. Even if that love has an expiration date, it's still worth having. And to live your life alone because a relationship didn't work out is just silly. Is the pain worth it? Abso-f***ing-lutely. What drives you to say that? I don't know maybe i am looking for more than to try and try again and not let fear stop you so you don't have to live your life alone. Lol. Maybe i'm going crazy.
yorkie Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 dont let anyone destroy you enough so you cant love again yes its hard and i broke NC again last night but i feel great i am now ready to move on what you need to get to i personally think is wow she doesnt love me i deserve more and also i hope she does regret leaving me bacuse what we had was great but im not gonna let her hurt me anymore because she is trying to control me and now one controls my life! yes i think you can find love again but love i think comes to you when you least expect it! i think all these people who say they wont have another relationship are sad, sad in the way they arent prepared to let someone close to them which is understandable but surely you want someone there with you through the good bad and ugly only my opinion
sam-confused Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 in the op you said that when you started to look on here at brake up situations you now feel like relationships aren't worth getting into. I want to remind you that this site focuses a lot on life's downs and is here to help people through the problems but there are also a lot of good things to get from relationships. So the things that are talked about on here are only the other side of relationships. I can definitely say that if I had the choice of love or being alone even with knowledge of how much love can hurt I'd still chose love. If you can imagine the hurt that you go through in a brake up of fall out or in a be trail then picture the other side of the scale the love side that is just as strong as the hurt but happy instead of shattered inside. in fact I'd say that love has more power so even though it's really destroying when love goes wrong I think the power you get from the love covers it and makes it well worth the risk.
Inviv_girl Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 Would you stop applying for jobs because of fear of rejection? Would you not travel because something dangerous might happen? Would you not make friends because of fear that they might leave? It's a long, lonely life without love. Even if that love has an expiration date, it's still worth having. And to live your life alone because a relationship didn't work out is just silly. Is the pain worth it? Abso-f***ing-lutely. I second this. My last relationship was f***ed and it took me long time to finally open up my heart again and build new relationship again with another man. But then now bad thing up and this relationship I guess will doomed very soon! It hurt like hell but I don't regret loving someone again even though he finally will leave 1
Author HeartBorken Posted November 8, 2013 Author Posted November 8, 2013 in the op you said that when you started to look on here at brake up situations you now feel like relationships aren't worth getting into. I want to remind you that this site focuses a lot on life's downs and is here to help people through the problems but there are also a lot of good things to get from relationships. So the things that are talked about on here are only the other side of relationships. I can definitely say that if I had the choice of love or being alone even with knowledge of how much love can hurt I'd still chose love. If you can imagine the hurt that you go through in a brake up of fall out or in a be trail then picture the other side of the scale the love side that is just as strong as the hurt but happy instead of shattered inside. in fact I'd say that love has more power so even though it's really destroying when love goes wrong I think the power you get from the love covers it and makes it well worth the risk. That's an interesting way of looking at it. I fear i'm actually going to develop trust issues towards other people because of this.
aybc123 Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 Don't worry. Just think of this forum as a form of confirmation bias/ selective editing. You have a place where people specifically go when they're particularly devastated by a relationship, so of course it's going to seem like all relationships are terrible if this is your only source. The truth is that most relationships end but not all of them do and chances are one of yours wont eventually. Plus ones that do end but last a good while are extremely fulfilling and definitely worth the breakup angst.
sambo77 Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 Major design flaw on God's part. We need oxygen to live...he did a good job...by placing us in an atmosphere full of it. Well done God...good work. But he only gets a D+...because he knew full well that we also need love to live...and he goes and makes it the single most complicated, difficult, inaccessible thing to acquire (COMPLETELY dependent upon the formation of a bond with another bloody human?!) WHAT was he thinking? Why couldn't love at least have grown on trees or been a root vegetable?! Funny how we tend to view relationships as our "source of love." Well, it's not funny, it's true. They ARE our source of love and we well know it. We know how much we need and crave love and intimacy and we know that we can only get that from an intimate bond with another. In our focus on the above, what we often overlook is that a relationship also means integrating yourself (to some extent) with the personality, needs, and desires of another individual. For this reason, every relationship you ever engage in will give you the good stuff you seek AND present you with significant challenges by exposing you to bad stuff too. It has to be part of the deal (nobody's perfect and everyone will project their fears, insecurities, baggage, past conflicts, and flaws into a relationship)...but this is usually written in such tiny small print (that you are so desperate to avoid reading cos you finally found yourself some "love") that you don't bother reading it. For example, most loving, well-intentioned parents do wonders raising their kids but WILL, undoubtedly, f&ck them up simultaneously. This is because bonding with other people (our kids included), while satisfying our deepest needs and desires, also means we will be exposed to and influenced by the other's neuroses (and we ALL have our neuroses). This is unavoidable and inevitable. Our problem is that we have constructed a society where most people only sign up for the good stuff. The other stuff (that is absolutely part of every relationship) means hard work, acceptance, perseverance. We're seeing (not in everyone, there are exceptions...but as a social trend) an explosion of relationships and marriages that fracture quickly, cause great pain, and probably foster a "fear of relationships" per se (as expressed by your post OP). I think this is because we aren't prepared to read or accept the small print. Relationships are something we acquire in order to drink our fill of "love" with as little inconvenience as possible. When inconvenience arises, we're learning it's easy to look for a refill...elsewhere. Not a surprise in the consumerist world we live in. Husbands, wives, and partners are like handbags and cars for many. If this is the way some view relationships...many people will get hurt at the expense of this mentality. Maybe this is all OK...but it hasn't always been that way. I think (rightly or wrongly) that the "small print" was once MUCH more readily acknowledged and accepted.
Arty54 Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 Of course it's worth it, I have just experienced some of the happiest and best times of my life with my best friend then lover, I gained so much just by being with her and sharing her life, now it's over, I'm heartbroken but know that in time I'll get over her and move on, hurts like hell at the moment especially since I know she'll never be my lover again but some lucky person is going to have that same experience she gave me, not a nice thought but true, as this is life!
ponchsox Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 The pain comes with the territory. Dating brings you once step closer to finding your spouse. It never gets easy, but you learn more and more what you are looking for.
JDPT Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 There is nothing wrong with being alone and taking a time out from dating / relationships. Seems most people can't do this. Hell, they will even date someone they know is going to hurt them. I guess for them, that isn't as bad as being alone. I couldn't have said it any better. I'm starting to realize that enjoy my freedom more than I enjoyed the relationship.
Sugarkane Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 Biologically it's because hopefully two people will stick around long enough to reproduce and bring up a child.
headinthecloud Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all." Samuel Butler
Author HeartBorken Posted November 8, 2013 Author Posted November 8, 2013 I don't know if it is because i am young (20) but i feel like there isn't a lot of hope when it comes to finding the "One" at least in my situation. I'm highly family oriented and would rather spend time with my partner than say go out and party. I simply want to work and have money to provide for my love ones. I'm not a smoker or even a drinker and i don't have much of an interest to go to clubs. Can you see where the problem is? Pretty much my age group is defined as Partying-Drinking-Smoking and living life by the term "Yolo" I feel like my values are in a completely different place than my peers which makes it incredibly hard to find compatibility. Add to the fact that i am nice i feel like my kindness is taken for granted. (Case and point my ex broke up with me and won't even help pay the credit card bill she ran up even though i had sold my stuff in order to clear here bills)
JDPT Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 Well sometimes you just have to say to say to yourself "you only live once that's the motto **** YOLO!" But honestly you have so many amazing qualities that a man would look for, at least I would. And don't worry about age I too thought that it was virtually impossible to find the "one" and I was only 16 then.
Author HeartBorken Posted November 8, 2013 Author Posted November 8, 2013 Well sometimes you just have to say to say to yourself "you only live once that's the motto **** YOLO!" But honestly you have so many amazing qualities that a man would look for, at least I would. And don't worry about age I too thought that it was virtually impossible to find the "one" and I was only 16 then. But....... I'm a guy =/ lol
JDPT Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 But....... I'm a guy =/ lol Lmao! Sorry bro didn't realize. Well you'll make someone happy either way.
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