I've reached a conclusion about girls

[carhill]

The conclusion isn't don't date coworkers.

 

It's "I'm not attracted to 'cold' girls."

I want a girl who smiles a lot, is courteous to all and carries herself like a team player.

That's clear language. You sound like you know what you want. Hence, the billions who are identified as what you don't want are a zero and do not warrant any of your time, care or concern. As another poster suggested, don't waste your time or thoughts regarding them. Flip the switch and move on. The choice is yours. Good luck.

[Mr Scorpio]

I heard from a student of hers "I think Ms. __ is unhappy with her life. She never smiles." It shocked me. I know this kid, and this kid is very observant and mature. She is not lying or joking to me.

 

I've also seen coworkers pass by her and she doesn't say hi or anything. She just walks by them like they were invisible. I understand that's just in some people's nature but that's my whole point, I rather be with someone who's inclined to say "hello" or "good morning" or "how's it going?"

 

there was also an instance a couple weeks ago where we took a staff photo, and she stood BEHIND the photographer, refusing to be in the picture.

 

We even urged her to join. We gave her space and time to respond. She just shook her head no, gave this strange "I don't want to be in it" expression and watched us get our picture taken.

 

Those don't strike me as the actions of a person who sticks their nose up at others and only converses with those "worthy" of their attention. Those sound like the actions of someone who is not at all comfortable with themselves. Cold? Sure. But perhaps not from a standpoint of egotism. Sounds more like depression.

[Teknoe]

Those don't strike me as the actions of a person who sticks their nose up at others and only converses with those "worthy" of their attention. Those sound like the actions of someone who is not at all comfortable with themselves. Cold? Sure. But perhaps not from a standpoint of egotism. Sounds more like depression.

 

You could be right.

 

Well, she came into the staffroom to have lunch with me and another colleague today. I've totally cooled my jets on her... no visits during work, no texts or emails. Just talked casually with her whenever we happen to bump. I can feel the tension leaving as I've given her space. It just seems like in the last few weeks she's seen me back off and probably thinking "OH, guess he's not trying to chase anymore" that she's been a little more friendly, like how she was at the beginning.

 

Oh well, I'm cool with how things are now and how they played out. She's cute, sure, but I doubt we're all that compatible? Bottom line: takes 2 to tango. I offered, she never put half the effort back in so I got my answer.

[melell]

I always give the impression that I am cold and I hate it.

It has been that way for me since high school. It is something that I have to go out of my way to avoid.

 

It bothers me a lot.

 

I am really quite shy, and fairly attractive, and for some reason this gives people the impression that I am 'cold', or snobby.

 

I have really zero preference as to looks, and am very warm once I am comfortable. A lot of people after getting to know me have mentioned how they didn't approach me at first because of it.

 

People are sometimes much different to how they come across initially.

[todreaminblue]

you knwo what i get tired of....men......who say i was so interested in looks, but now i want a kind hearted loyal woman i can push around who will be good and kind and sweet, and i can make her feel bad instead of me gettign rejected by raging bitches, i lll make this good hearted womans life a living hell turn her into a bitch instead...my bitch.....i can have control ......make sure your motives are as pure and sweet as that of your intended....that you love her and treat her how a woman should be treated....deb

[clia]

You could be right.

 

Well, she came into the staffroom to have lunch with me and another colleague today. I've totally cooled my jets on her... no visits during work, no texts or emails. Just talked casually with her whenever we happen to bump. I can feel the tension leaving as I've given her space. It just seems like in the last few weeks she's seen me back off and probably thinking "OH, guess he's not trying to chase anymore" that she's been a little more friendly, like how she was at the beginning.

 

Oh well, I'm cool with how things are now and how they played out. She's cute, sure, but I doubt we're all that compatible? Bottom line: takes 2 to tango. I offered, she never put half the effort back in so I got my answer.

 

It sounds like maybe you made her uncomfortable with your interest in her?

[pteromom]

To me, a woman should be sweet and kind.

 

...and others feel differently. Some cultures aren't friendly. Some people are shy or introverted and come off as stand-offish.

 

 

But now, I'm getting tired of being around snobby stand off-ish women who make you feel like crap.

This is your problem. That you allow their behavior to affect how you feel about yourself.

 

If a woman is cold or stand-offish, she's not the one for you. It doesn't have anything to do with who you are, so there's no reason to feel like crap.

 

Finding someone to connect with is a daunting task. So focus on looking for the ones you connect with, and don't give your emotional energy to the ones you don't.

 

PS- While there is no perfect women, there is such thing as women who are naturally sweeter and more patient than others. I want one that is caring and patient... coz Lord knows whoever my parter will be will need to be patient for sure, lol...

You said a mouthful there, buddy.

[Elliotte]

It seems to me 99.9% of people can APPEAR snobby and stand-offish to someone else. We all have certain types of people we want to associate with more and less. As much as we idealize the person who is open minded and kind with everyone, there are very few people who live that way, all the time.

 

I agree with you that in that first period where you're wanting to sniff out if this person is date-able, and they are behaving that way towards you, its a great idea to not pursue it further. I reached a similar point in my single life where I went from "trying to date any girl who was attractive" to spending time getting to know the lady first, and increasing the threshold from which I decided whether this woman was someone worth a date. Too many people fail to see this, and keep trying and trying with someone who clearly isn't interested in them, this leads to a huge amount of avoidable awkwardness!

[Teknoe]

Finding someone to connect with is a daunting task. So focus on looking for the ones you connect with, and don't give your emotional energy to the ones you don't.

 

amen! Well, she seemed fairly friendly with me today, again. It was nice. I can tell she's still kind of got her guard up, but I think she's seeing that I am really a nice guy, so she's been smiling more lately.

 

Hopefully I continue to grow and not place my feelings dependent on how others treat me.

[man_in_the_box]

I CANNOT STAND STAND OFF-ISH WOMEN.

 

God, yes. Agreed - same goes for men but I seem to encounter those far less often. I have a girlfriend and never do anything flirty or which could be mistaken for an approach so the whole trying to keep a distance seems nonsensical.

 

I usually give everyone a chance to at least be friendly acquaintances but as soon as I sense that they're stand off-ish (brilliant term) then I'm too. To that particular person.

[madjac74]

Good grief! I want a girl who is sassy and annoyed by people as much as I am. You guys can keep your fake sweet girls.