I've reached a conclusion about girls

[Teknoe]

People in general, but specifically opposite sex.

 

I CANNOT STAND STAND OFF-ISH WOMEN.

 

To me, a woman should be sweet and kind. Nothing turns me off more than a woman who sticks her nose up at others, and only converses with those she deems is "worthy" of her attention.

 

I was liking this one girl, but the more I have been able to observe her, the more I realize... she is just plain COLD. And it's such a blah turn off.

 

I'm looking on the inside more from now on. Looks fade. But a lady with a genuinely good heart? That's life material there.

 

Maybe I've been going at this the wrong way all these years. I always told myself I go for looks AND personality, but maybe I've just always gone after pretty girls who I try to convince myself they have great personalities to boot, too. I guess I just want to have my cake and eat it, too.

 

But now, I'm getting tired of being around snobby stand off-ish women who make you feel like crap.

 

Give me a girl with a heart of gold any day.

 

PS- While there is no perfect women, there is such thing as women who are naturally sweeter and more patient than others. I want one that is caring and patient... coz Lord knows whoever my parter will be will need to be patient for sure, lol...

[noskilljustluck]

People in general, but specifically opposite sex.

 

I CANNOT STAND STAND OFF-ISH WOMEN.

 

To me, a woman should be sweet and kind. Nothing turns me off more than a woman who sticks her nose up at others, and only converses with those she deems is "worthy" of her attention.

 

I was liking this one girl, but the more I have been able to observe her, the more I realize... she is just plain COLD. And it's such a blah turn off.

 

I'm looking on the inside more from now on. Looks fade. But a lady with a genuinely good heart? That's life material there.

 

Maybe I've been going at this the wrong way all these years. I always told myself I go for looks AND personality, but maybe I've just always gone after pretty girls who I try to convince myself they have great personalities to boot, too. I guess I just want to have my cake and eat it, too.

 

But now, I'm getting tired of being around snobby stand off-ish women who make you feel like crap.

 

Give me a girl with a heart of gold any day.

 

PS- While there is no perfect women, there is such thing as women who are naturally sweeter and more patient than others. I want one that is caring and patient... coz Lord knows whoever my parter will be will need to be patient for sure, lol...

 

 

You should conversate with the ladies of your interest more. Dont give preference to looks, beauty doesnt lasts. Nature does.

 

But then, to be honest, not many good people are around these days.

Why do you want a very patient partner though? Do you have angry outbursts?

[Kate9292]

People in general, but specifically opposite sex.

 

I CANNOT STAND STAND OFF-ISH WOMEN.

 

To me, a woman should be sweet and kind. Nothing turns me off more than a woman who sticks her nose up at others, and only converses with those she deems is "worthy" of her attention.

 

I was liking this one girl, but the more I have been able to observe her, the more I realize... she is just plain COLD. And it's such a blah turn off.

 

I'm looking on the inside more from now on. Looks fade. But a lady with a genuinely good heart? That's life material there.

 

Maybe I've been going at this the wrong way all these years. I always told myself I go for looks AND personality, but maybe I've just always gone after pretty girls who I try to convince myself they have great personalities to boot, too. I guess I just want to have my cake and eat it, too.

 

But now, I'm getting tired of being around snobby stand off-ish women who make you feel like crap.

 

Give me a girl with a heart of gold any day.

 

PS- While there is no perfect women, there is such thing as women who are naturally sweeter and more patient than others. I want one that is caring and patient... coz Lord knows whoever my parter will be will need to be patient for sure, lol...

 

Maybe that girl was cold FOR YOU. Maybe she didn't like you back, and if some other guy came who she liked, she would open up and be warm, kind and loving.

 

But it's just a guess.

[TigerCub]

Maybe that girl was cold FOR YOU. Maybe she didn't like you back, and if some other guy came who she liked, she would open up and be warm, kind and loving.

 

But it's just a guess.

 

Yeah but I think that's his point - That just because he may not be the one for her doesn't mean that she should be cold and stand offish.

 

I get what you're saying OP - I don't understand stuck up people either. I think one should be nice and polite to whoever is talking to them in a nice and polite way, even if they are not interested in them sexually.

[d0nnivain]

I have spent my whole life being accused of being cold & stand-offish but if you get to know me, I am a nice person who is very loyal & will do anything for a friend. I was painfully shy growing up & appeared cold to many people because I was scared.

 

Yes, there are snobs out there. But judging someone without knowing all the facts is just as bad. If you don't know the person you don't know why they are behaving a certain way. You are making assumptions based on your own insecurities -- she's not being warm & sweet to me because she's a snob. Rather than, I haven't offered a safe space for her to know her kindness won't be used against her.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I am warm and kind and sweet. There are not many of us around

[Teknoe]

I have spent my whole life being accused of being cold & stand-offish but if you get to know me, I am a nice person who is very loyal & will do anything for a friend. I was painfully shy growing up & appeared cold to many people because I was scared.

 

Yes, there are snobs out there. But judging someone without knowing all the facts is just as bad. If you don't know the person you don't know why they are behaving a certain way. You are making assumptions based on your own insecurities -- she's not being warm & sweet to me because she's a snob. Rather than, I haven't offered a safe space for her to know her kindness won't be used against her.

 

To be fair I can't say with certainty she's a snob. Just my personal opinion after observing her. BTW we are coworkers, so I've seen how she treats other coworkers, and it's not always pretty. I think I've observed and collected enough data to know her type of personality. Yes, she can be warm to those she "lets into her heart/world," but I want someone who is like that regardless of the person they are interacting with.

 

At Irisu, lol no I don't have angry outbursts. I am the opposite. I'm just super laid back, and chill. When I say patient I mean like, I admit I don't have the greatest skills around. I can't fix a car for example, not a handyman AT ALL, and I have a horrible sense of direction. I rely on GPS and often times get lost when going somewhere new for the first time. What I mean by my girl needing to be patient is she will get what she sees. I'm a very basic, simple guy. I don't need a lot to excite me. She will just need to patient, lol.... especially if I drive her around and don't take the best routes or if I get us lost.

[d0nnivain]

Work isn't a place to be warm & fuzzy. As a adult I'm very direct. People often mistake that for mean or b !tchy.

 

Several years ago I was in a volunteer position when several of the other leaders (all women) got me together & told me that I was too forceful & over bearing with them & that was causing all sorts of problems. I was stunned. Knowing that I can be more blunt than most people are used to, I had been going out of my way to be sweet & docile in this group. I told them that & agreed to try to be softer & gentler but I was going to need a lot of help doing that because I thought I was already being too much of a milk-toast.

 

As we were having this discussion, my phone rang with a work call. I had to take it because . . . . well, I HAD to take it. I stepped away & did my job. It was the softestm nicest most congenial conversation I had ever had with the guy on the other end of the phone.

 

When I got off the phone, & returned to my meeting with the volunteers they were all sitting at the table looking at me with their mouths hanging open. Finally one of them said, Gee, I guess you were being your softest, sweetiest self with us. That was the most intense conversation we've ever heard (Remember, it was soft conversation by my standards & nowhere near forceful or direct).

 

People have different perspectives & experiences. The woman in question may need to be more assertive in her work position. You don't know.

 

I'm not saying that you have to like her. I'm not saying that she isn't rude to her co-workers.

 

I am still taking umbrage at your statement that you don't like stand-offish women. As I type this however, I am recognizing that you may have hit a nerve with me which isn't your fault; it's my hangup.

 

You are entitled to like & love whomever you want. If you want somebody who you perceive as sweet, go get her.

[noskilljustluck]

 

At Irisu, lol no I don't have angry outbursts. I am the opposite. I'm just super laid back, and chill. When I say patient I mean like, I admit I don't have the greatest skills around. I can't fix a car for example, not a handyman AT ALL, and I have a horrible sense of direction. I rely on GPS and often times get lost when going somewhere new for the first time. What I mean by my girl needing to be patient is she will get what she sees. I'm a very basic, simple guy. I don't need a lot to excite me. She will just need to patient, lol.... especially if I drive her around and don't take the best routes or if I get us lost.

 

 

Oh~ Now it makes sense.

Then thats not too bad, im sure if you're able to find a sweet and simple girl, she'll surely have the patience in her to tolerate your driving skills. Who knows maybe she'll take over the wheel for a change. :]

And by the way super laid back also borders close to ' lazy', not a good trait, if you have it.

[ConstantVoyager]

I'm the super shy woman who often gets mistaken for cold and bitchy.

 

I've learned to live with it. The higher caliber people I encounter figure it out quickly enough and then we become friends.

 

It has definitely affected my dating life though, as I'm also good looking enough to be a little intimidating to approach.

[Valen]

I'm glad you come to realize that you should focus on inner quality over looks. But I feel it's unfair to label these stand-offish pretty girls as having no heart or unkind. I have a female friend who is a professional model. She is gorgeous. She is the type that goes out to clubs and parties a lot but she also does volunteer work and runs marathons for charities. And when we go out to a scene with lots of people, the amount of guys coming up to her on a constant basis is astounding. She literally gets hit on every ten minutes. She would start off being friendly, then after several more interruptions, she gets annoyed and just appear stand-offish so that other guys will stop bothering her. She is a sweet and kind person if you know her but her beauty has given her too much unwanted attention and appearing standoffish is the least confrontational way for her to stop men from hitting on her.

[PutARingOnIt]

maybe she comes across ass cold and standoffish because she has her guard up. maybe she is trying to avoid getting hurt. it doesn't mean she is stuck up.

[Shepp]

To me, a woman should be sweet and kind. Nothing turns me off more than a woman who sticks her nose up at others, and only converses with those she deems is "worthy" of her attention.

 

Okay, here's my take - a couple of points:

One, everyone's different, not all people can be one thing - id like everyone to be loyal, never going to happen thou.

 

Two, you talk about judging people for what they are under the surface, but then what you write doesn't demonstrate that...

I know theres people who think of my girlfriend as cold, probably more so a couple of years ago but im sure there still are some that think that. The thing is those people judged her too quick, which I think is no different than judging people on the looks (im not saying its wrong im just saying there the same thing, no one is better or worse than the other). Cause the fact of it is if they took the time to get to know her there'd understand, if they knew even a fraction of her history there'd get why she keeps everyone at arms reach.

And Valen makes a good point - she's a head turner! A very very beautiful girl! So partially in the dating seen if you'd of approached her in a bar she'd of heard it all a million times before. I've sat with her at bars before we were dating - the amount she was approached was staggering and it gets old pretty quick!

 

Past that and the truth is shes one of the most caring people I know! She'd do anything for you, anything at all! She'd training to be an English teacher (doesn't get more patient than that )

 

 

Your completely entitled to go for whatever qualities you want - but im just pointing out judging people on their personality on the surface is no better or worse than judging them on what they're wearing. Either way its not judging them on their heart.

 

 

I'm glad you come to realize that you should focus on inner quality over looks. But I feel it's unfair to label these stand-offish pretty girls as having no heart or unkind. I have a female friend who is a professional model. She is gorgeous. She is the type that goes out to clubs and parties a lot but she also does volunteer work and runs marathons for charities. And when we go out to a scene with lots of people, the amount of guys coming up to her on a constant basis is astounding. She literally gets hit on every ten minutes. She would start off being friendly, then after several more interruptions, she gets annoyed and just appear stand-offish so that other guys will stop bothering her. She is a sweet and kind person if you know her but her beauty has given her too much unwanted attention and appearing standoffish is the least confrontational way for her to stop men from hitting on her.

[Teknoe]

Work isn't a place to be warm & fuzzy.

 

I should add that we're both primary grade teachers. We work with kids! We oughta be warm. Maybe not fuzzy, but warm and nurturing.

 

I'm not saying she isn't, or isn't capable of, but I've seen enough and heard enough to think she's more on the cold end of the spectrum than someone who is open and friendly to people in general.

 

for example, I heard from a student of hers "I think Ms. __ is unhappy with her life. She never smiles."

 

It shocked me. I know this kid, and this kid is very observant and mature. She is not lying or joking to me.

 

I've also seen coworkers pass by her and she doesn't say hi or anything. She just walks by them like they were invisible. I understand that's just in some people's nature but that's my whole point, I rather be with someone who's inclined to say "hello" or "good morning" or "how's it going?"

 

there was also an instance a couple weeks ago where we took a staff photo, and she stood BEHIND the photographer, refusing to be in the picture.

 

We even urged her to join. We gave her space and time to respond. She just shook her head no, gave this strange "I don't want to be in it" expression and watched us get our picture taken.

 

Now I can see why there was talk a year ago that she's not a "team player." At least, that's her perception. Again, I know there's more to her than what I see at work, but I think I see enough to qualify that that type of woman just ain't my style or preference.

[SherryEast]

People in general, but specifically opposite sex.

 

I CANNOT STAND STAND OFF-ISH WOMEN.

 

To me, a woman should be sweet and kind. Nothing turns me off more than a woman who sticks her nose up at others, and only converses with those she deems is "worthy" of her attention.

 

I was liking this one girl, but the more I have been able to observe her, the more I realize... she is just plain COLD. And it's such a blah turn off.

 

I'm looking on the inside more from now on. Looks fade. But a lady with a genuinely good heart? That's life material there.

 

Maybe I've been going at this the wrong way all these years. I always told myself I go for looks AND personality, but maybe I've just always gone after pretty girls who I try to convince myself they have great personalities to boot, too. I guess I just want to have my cake and eat it, too.

 

But now, I'm getting tired of being around snobby stand off-ish women who make you feel like crap.

 

Give me a girl with a heart of gold any day.

 

PS- While there is no perfect women, there is such thing as women who are naturally sweeter and more patient than others. I want one that is caring and patient... coz Lord knows whoever my parter will be will need to be patient for sure, lol...

 

Sometimes girls and women have to be that way, not to an extreme extent, but so they won't encourage attention from guys they are not interested in. However, when we DO want to encourage it, a female will generally be more kind, open, warm, etc.

 

I've been distant with certain guys that seemed interested who might think I'm cold. But I'm not like that at all with a guy that I really like.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Sometimes girls and women have to be that way, not to an extreme extent, but so they won't encourage attention from guys they are not interested in. However, when we DO want to encourage it, a female will generally be more kind, open, warm, etc.

 

I've been distant with certain guys that seemed interested who might think I'm cold. But I'm not like that at all with a guy that I really like.

 

That is a good point. I have been called ice queen before by men I wasn't into :/

[Els]

Sometimes girls and women have to be that way, not to an extreme extent, but so they won't encourage attention from guys they are not interested in. However, when we DO want to encourage it, a female will generally be more kind, open, warm, etc.

 

I've been distant with certain guys that seemed interested who might think I'm cold. But I'm not like that at all with a guy that I really like.

 

Hmm, yes, I suppose this might be a point. I could imagine a woman who's been burned by this in the past, would keep her guard up with guys she isn't interested in.

 

I try to be friendly with everyone, but that's also because the guys I interact with don't do retarded **** like try to pin the blame on me for being 'too friendly' even if I do turn down any advances. Not saying that you do that, Teknoe, simply that some guys do, and she may have had bad past experiences with those. Sensing your attraction to her and worrying that the same thing might happen with you, she might have put her barriers up.

[Teknoe]

Hmm, yes, I suppose this might be a point. I could imagine a woman who's been burned by this in the past, would keep her guard up with guys she isn't interested in.

 

I try to be friendly with everyone, but that's also because the guys I interact with don't do retarded **** like try to pin the blame on me for being 'too friendly' even if I do turn down any advances. Not saying that you do that, Teknoe, simply that some guys do, and she may have had bad past experiences with those. Sensing your attraction to her and worrying that the same thing might happen with you, she might have put her barriers up.

 

Els, that is the sense I'm getting here as well. During baseball season, since we loved the same team, we really connected, and had lunch and after school meetings where we would watch the game together on my laptop. I really teased her and we joked a bit during this time. She was all smiles and it was really fun.

 

After baseball season ended she changed. It didn't feel like we were friends anymore. At first, it was hard to adjust to. But now I'm adjusting fine. I guess we were just "baseball pals" we found a common strong interest to really connect on. And I think you're right, maybe she sensed I was becoming more and more attracted to her, while she was not attracted to me. So now she's pulled back in the last month or so, since baseball season ended, pretty much. And so have I. I'm staying low, and the jokes/teases have stopped completely. I try to now be more PC with her, instead of acting all buddy buddy.

 

I'll pull away until things go back to a calm normal instead of a "walking around on eggshells" kind of atmosphere. I like to think, no, I know I am mature enough to handle this properly, and that I already have shown that by backing off and giving her personal space.

[hotpotato]

Ime its better to be mean or cold to a guy if you dont like him. Its really easy for some guys to get the wrong impression.

[Shepp]

I don't understand the point of this...so don't date your co worker. It doesn't sound like she wants to anyway.

 

Why are you reaching a conclusion about half the population based on her?

[Teknoe]

I don't understand the point of this...so don't date your co worker. It doesn't sound like she wants to anyway.

 

Why are you reaching a conclusion about half the population based on her?

 

The conclusion isn't don't date coworkers.

 

It's "I'm not attracted to 'cold' girls."

I want a girl who smiles a lot, is courteous to all and carries herself like a team player.

[PJKino]

Sometimes girls and women have to be that way, not to an extreme extent, but so they won't encourage attention from guys they are not interested in. However, when we DO want to encourage it, a female will generally be more kind, open, warm, etc.

 

I've been distant with certain guys that seemed interested who might think I'm cold. But I'm not like that at all with a guy that I really like.

 

So women are nicer to good looking men shocker lol

[USMCHokie]

People in general, but specifically opposite sex.

 

I CANNOT STAND STAND OFF-ISH WOMEN.

 

To me, a woman should be sweet and kind. Nothing turns me off more than a woman who sticks her nose up at others, and only converses with those she deems is "worthy" of her attention.

 

I was liking this one girl, but the more I have been able to observe her, the more I realize... she is just plain COLD. And it's such a blah turn off.

 

I'm looking on the inside more from now on. Looks fade. But a lady with a genuinely good heart? That's life material there.

 

Maybe I've been going at this the wrong way all these years. I always told myself I go for looks AND personality, but maybe I've just always gone after pretty girls who I try to convince myself they have great personalities to boot, too. I guess I just want to have my cake and eat it, too.

 

But now, I'm getting tired of being around snobby stand off-ish women who make you feel like crap.

 

Give me a girl with a heart of gold any day.

 

PS- While there is no perfect women, there is such thing as women who are naturally sweeter and more patient than others. I want one that is caring and patient... coz Lord knows whoever my parter will be will need to be patient for sure, lol...

 

I feel like all of this is a reflection of a person's awareness of anything other than themselves...the "cold" ones tend to be most incapable of this...and oftentimes they are the most unaware of their unawareness...

[Kate9292]

I feel like all of this is a reflection of a person's awareness of anything other than themselves...the "cold" ones tend to be most incapable of this...and oftentimes they are the most unaware of their unawareness...

Not necessarily.

 

Maybe they are aware of others, but just don't care.

 

 

It's "I'm not attracted to 'cold' girls."

And girl who is cold to you is probably not attracted to you either.

 

Where's the problem? Other than that you waste your time and energy even thinking about them.

[USMCHokie]

Not necessarily.

 

Maybe they are aware of others, but just don't care.

 

It's not just being aware of the presence of others...but also being aware of their emotions.