generic person Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 My ex broke up with me 70 something days ago after a night out, I have not heard a whisper from her and I haven't contacted her since she hung up on me the day we broke up. I was going really good not worried about her at all and then she messages me today on my birthday. "happy birthday (name) I hope you have a nice weekend" I haven't replied yet but i would like to know. What would cause her to suddenly message me? Does it mean she is still thinking about me? Why would she msg me after 70 something days NC just to say that? I feel like saying thanks but no thanks you don't get to contact me on my birthday after dissapearing for 2 months" Then my other side wants to reply and talk to her. any opinions, advice?
crederer Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 Yea she's obviously thinking of you to send you that. Doesn't mean she wants back with you. I wouldn't respond to be honest. I know it's tempting though. She's gunna have to try harder than that if she wants you back, no? 5
toolforgrowth Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 The fact that she messaged you on your birthday says that yes, she is thinking about you. To what degree, however, we will never know. I wouldn't read too much into it. The thing with birthdays is most people do something fun on them. She may be curious as to what your plans are, and this is one way of finding out without directly asking. "Hope you have fun..." could lead to "Thanks, gonna hang out with my bros" or "I will, got a hotel room with hot new girlfriend." See what I mean? I'm not saying it's that, but I do know my ex-wife pulled stuff like that in the hopes of trying to get me to divulge what I was doing. I personally view this as a breadcrumb. My advice would be to ignore it. Don't respond. I think it's more about her feelings and to soothe her ego than about yours. 1
Mz_sassy_77 Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 Don't reply. You've got through 70 days of NC keep moving forward...dont go backwards. I say stuf her and enjoy your birthday 3
Author generic person Posted November 8, 2013 Author Posted November 8, 2013 Yea she's obviously thinking of you to send you that. Doesn't mean she wants back with you. I wouldn't respond to be honest. I know it's tempting though. She's gunna have to try harder than that if she wants you back, no? That's a good call, she has about 10 years worth of lawn mowing to do if she wants me back as punishment hahaha joking. i don't understand why she would leave it 70ish days then contact me on my birthday though like whats the point if she hasn't contacted me any other time.
lindsay1990 Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 First of all because she's probably not counting the days like you are, "It's 69 days and I'm gonna have to contact him for his bday.. or shouldn't I?". Secondly, it's not like she contacted you, you no what I mean? It's a breadcrumb, very neutral and cordial. Nothing more and hardly requires a response, especially if you're still counting the days. Just keep on trucking. 1
Author generic person Posted November 8, 2013 Author Posted November 8, 2013 The fact that she messaged you on your birthday says that yes, she is thinking about you. To what degree, however, we will never know. I wouldn't read too much into it.. Thanks for the advice, Im new to this lingo but what is a breadcrum. If she wants to get in contact with me she is going to have to try harder then a 3 word message i think
Author generic person Posted November 8, 2013 Author Posted November 8, 2013 First of all because she's probably not counting the days like you are, "It's 69 days and I'm gonna have to contact him for his bday.. or shouldn't I?". Whats a breadcrum? I only know roughly the days because i did a 60 day challenge i saw on the net which was to go 60 days NC and that was a couple weeks ago.
lindsay1990 Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/428997-explain-bread-crumbs
Mz_sassy_77 Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 breadcrumb is innocently making contact - like on your birthday - it's an excuse to contact you. and other breadcrumbs are things like i miss you, im sorry, how are you.... it doesn't mean they want you back. sometimes i think they just want to hear how awful you are doing, how unhappy they are without you, they want you to stroke their ego. best to ignore them or you end up hurt again, hoping to get back together...etc
melell Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 From everything I have read those birthday messages mean very very little. More often than not they send it out of politeness. I have also noticed that dumpers never actually go 'nc'. What no contact means to the dumpee is entirely different than what it means to the dumper. Usually if the dumper wants to make contact they will as soon as they have the urge. The fact that she hasn't reached out for over two months is a pretty big sign you haven't been on her mind- at least not enough for her to try and talk to you. I know this sounds really blunt, but the best thing to do is forget it, don't reply, and keep moving on. 1
toolforgrowth Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 Imagine a loaf of bread. Now imagine a breadcrumb that it leaves behind. Your ex telling you they love you, they love only you, and will do anything to be with you again, no matter how long it takes, is analogous to that loaf of bread. What you just got from your ex is a breadcrumb.
Author generic person Posted November 8, 2013 Author Posted November 8, 2013 The fact that she hasn't reached out for over two months is a pretty big sign you haven't been on her mind- at least not enough for her to try and talk to you. I know this sounds really blunt, but the best thing to do is forget it, don't reply, and keep moving on. This is most likely true but what i don't understand and probably never will is that She hasn't contacted me for two months, So she obviously hasn't had the urge or she is fighting it well and if she hasn't had the urge to contact me Why would she suddenly think it is a good idea to contact me on my birthday after dissappearing for 2 months. In my mind its actually the opposite.... completely rude
lindsay1990 Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 This is most likely true but what i don't understand and probably never will is that She hasn't contacted me for two months, So she obviously hasn't had the urge or she is fighting it well and if she hasn't had the urge to contact me Why would she wait or think it is a good idea to contact me on my birthday after dissappearing for 2 months. In my mind its actually the opposite.... completely rude That's the thing. She didn't think. She didn't put any thought into it. She actually had to urge to write you, and she did! For your birthday. I'm sorry, it's really hard I know but this is not a big deal for her. She typed and sent. And to her, she hasn't "disappeared for two months" - to her you guys just broke up so now you don't talk unless you have a reason. In this case, she recalled it was your birthday and wished you a good one. Hang in there and don't break NC. You've come a long way and it gets easier. You feel soooo strong later 4
Zahara Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 I think dumpees place too much meaning into what contact means, and its because we're in a very different place emotionally in comparison to the dumper, who most times is indifferent, and contacting because its your birthday and its just a wish. Don't project your feelings. While some may wish you just as any other person would because they're remembering you on your day, some may do it to feed you a crumb that is for their own benefit. 1
McMike Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 Yep, she's probably doing it to be polite. Don't think anything of it. If you want to reply, just say thank you. That's all you need to say. If she replies again, ignore it. 1
cavalier99 Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 DONT reply. It would be a huge mistake and ruin your progress. The message means nothing. I got a super nice email on my bday and it messed me up for a month and i didnt reply. Cav
greenfairie Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 DONT reply. It would be a huge mistake and ruin your progress. The message means nothing. I got a super nice email on my bday and it messed me up for a month and i didnt reply. Cav Yeah, don't reply. I got a text from an ex and it kind of messed me up for a while. I think it was just a trigger in my healing process that kind of threw me off balance because I was over thinking his message. I'm going about six months strong with NO contact. I haven't sent him ANYTHING. He sent me…. 3-4 text messages since then. And honestly, I wish he would never contact me again. I don't even think I'll text him happy birthday next year. I felt horrible when I texted him happy birthday earlier this year. 1
aybc123 Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 (edited) if i broke up with someone and we hadnt been speaking for two months and i sent them a message on their birthday then all i would be trying to communicate by that is 'hey, hope you're ok and that there're no hard feelings'. If i were you i'd just text back a 'thanks, im good, hope you're well too' and carry on moving on with your life, or you could just not say anything and wish her a happy birthday on hers. At least you know you actually exist to her as a person now. Edited November 8, 2013 by aybc123
Axee Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 It can be more than breadcrumbs as well... I am a girl and I am just waiting for my ex's birthday which is in 3 months to reinitiate contact.. Kind of like testing the waters.. If you are strong enough and healed, then I would suggest you send her a simple.. Thanks .. Thats it... Else dont reply.. Also do you want her back? If not you can ignore as well...
d0nnivain Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 At some point she cared enough about you to date you. Just because your relationship is over doesn't mean she hates you. She wished you a happy birthday. She didn't ask to get back together & Happy Birthday is not code for I'm so sorry we broke up; I want to try again. If you go to Disney on your birthday. They will give you a big button that says "It's my birthday" & everyone in the park will wish you a happy birthday. It's a polite social convention. Nothing more.
Author generic person Posted November 10, 2013 Author Posted November 10, 2013 It can be more than breadcrumbs as well... I am a girl and I am just waiting for my ex's birthday which is in 3 months to reinitiate contact.. Kind of like testing the waters.. If you are strong enough and healed, then I would suggest you send her a simple.. Thanks .. Thats it... Else dont reply.. Also do you want her back? If not you can ignore as well... Well thats the thing, i feel like im a really good place at the moment emotionally and i am really happy with my life. So I feel like I could probably have a conversation with her and not get upset. I would think about taking her back but i know for that to happen it has to be her that initiates it because she realised she made a **** decision or we would be back to square one. So far i haven't replied, but last night I made a video for snapchat as my Profile video and found out she was the first one to look at it, does that mean anything at all?
Ordinaryday Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 it means absolutely nothing, it is breadcrumbs. what happened is that she is feeling guilty about dumping you and hurting you and she wants to ease her conscience by supposedly doing something 'nice' for you, but it is actually 'nice for her' because it eases her guilt because she can then tell herself that she did all right by you. just ignore it, don't give her the satisfaction of a response. she has no desire to reconcile with you. an ex did something similar to me, treated me like dirt and then two weeks after dumping me sent me a message letting me know that she "forgave" me and that she had "no ill will" towards me! what a load of crap!
headinthecloud Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 It means she creeping on you. She probably still cares about, but not enough to have a relationship. I would just ignore and continue NC. If she really wanted you back, she would be a lot more persistent.
Axee Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 Well thats the thing, i feel like im a really good place at the moment emotionally and i am really happy with my life. So I feel like I could probably have a conversation with her and not get upset. I would think about taking her back but i know for that to happen it has to be her that initiates it because she realised she made a **** decision or we would be back to square one. So far i haven't replied, but last night I made a video for snapchat as my Profile video and found out she was the first one to look at it, does that mean anything at all? If she wants you , she will try harder.. Just sit tight wait and watch, and you can reply a thanks or .. You can reply after a couple of days "Sorry dont check my msgs saw it just now..Thanks anyways" But be careful that you really ARE healed and will not get sucked up into a limbo again.. Now thats a call only you can take...
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