Mario79 Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 I have been having problems at work and with my family. My family doesnt like it that whenever they ask me how I am doing I just say ok. At work they ask me how are you? And people here I am well aware dont really care if I am having a bad day. But today someone I do talk to from time to time said, you look sad, I didnt realize I was making a face but I was feeling sad and then I realized my body language, my eyes, they are all showing sadness. Should I hide this? I dont think anyone likes to show weakness, but its hard to hide. If you can hide it what do you do?
d0nnivain Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 You should ideally be able to talk to your family & close friends about what is bothering you. At work, I'd say thank you for noticing. I've been better but I'm fine. By the way . . . [immediately change the subject by launching into a strictly work topic]
Author Mario79 Posted November 8, 2013 Author Posted November 8, 2013 Thank you. I can try something like that. I just dont like showing my weakness but just cant seem to hold it back as well.
Mariposa10 Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 I think attitude is everything, so at school/work I always pretended to be fine. It's worked, but I did have to drop a class in order to save the other ones because I found it and still find it hard to focus. With my family, that was a little bit different. I didn't pretend as much, but I didn't let them see me the way I was really feeling. I don't know how long it's been since your breakup, but there comes a time when you have to be ACTIVELY doing things to start feeling better. Like forcing you to go out with your friends/watch comedies, etc. What are you doing to start feeling better? Can you list those things?
Haydn Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 Mario, its ok to have these emotions! Its normal otherwise you would be no better than a bank manager! At work it is crucial that you try to keep focus. Dont lose your job because of her! Do you think she is doing the same! No she is not. Confide in friends, family are often not so helpful as they are too close. Take care my friend. Going through the same as you. 1
Author Mario79 Posted November 8, 2013 Author Posted November 8, 2013 (edited) Thank you, you are right if I show pain in my job I might rub people the wrong way. I have to look at myself more in the mirror to see what face is going out there. And Mariposa I am trying to actively get out of this sadness, just be better. I am concerned of how it looks. I dont want it to look bad anymore. Edited November 8, 2013 by Mario79
aybc123 Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 If i dont know someone at all or if i know them but am not friends with them it's pretty easy to appear neutral. With decent friends/ colleagues i tend to deal with it by humour, if they know something has been up with me or have asked if im ok and i'm like 'nope' but followed by some kind of joke about the situation, or just make a pretty dry comment so they know that whilst I'm not 'ok' I'm...'Ok'. With good friends/ family i can actually talk about stuff but i'm very careful not to overburden them, spreading the load is helpful here because no matter how close you are to someone eventually listening to them complain will push them away, if you can find someone going through something similar that's great you can lean on each other. If not then use your good friends but do so sparingly and know when to stop. Right now im pretty much fine when im around people anyway, im ok in the evenings too. It's waking up in the morning that i still get down and just want to stay in bed, like mariposa said you actively have to force yourself to get better eventually.
Author Mario79 Posted November 8, 2013 Author Posted November 8, 2013 the mornings are the hardest. Worst waking up scared. I dont ever talk to people at work about me personally, but I was surprised that someone would pick up on my feelings. Today I felt tired of putting up a different face, and attitude. I hope that in time I wont have to put up a front.
sambo77 Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 Know what you mean Mario. Sounds like you're surprised people are picking it up. Are you trying to hide it from them? I sometimes feel that the doorway to my soul is creaking and groaning with the tide of pain and vulnerability that wants to get out. But I have shut it in there and tried to keep it out of people's awareness. I think I don't think they really care...most people (my family too) think I'm this ultra cool, calm, collected, "OK" person. They still think it...even when the floodgates are almost bursting. I sometimes find holding it all in impossible...and just after I've put on a brilliant "act" (like been in a meeting or appeared "normal" to people) I often walk away with tears leaking out all over the place. It's all I can do to hold it in...but holding it in kills me and makes me feel alone with my pain. For me, it all just burst out in my first session with my therapist last week. Literally poured out...I was amazed...it was like the "it's not your fault moment" in the movie Good Will Hunting. It helped a lot. These feelings want out, they want the world to acknowledge them, to accept them, and to help you resolve them. It's hard to hide them. 1
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