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My husband cheated multiple times when we were dating but I still think about it toda

mrswindow

By mrswindow
in Marriage and Life Partnerships

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mrswindow New Member

mrswindow

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Me and my husband were dating for 3 &1/2 years and weve ben married for a month. I moved to texas to be with him and I left my family and friends behind in florida to be with him coming here not knowing anyone. The first couple weeks were good , he didn't have his facebook activated. He re-opened his facebook , before he re-opened it there wasn't no females in life but me & his mother. Now in his phone and on facebook he still associates with his Ex's( the ones he cheated on me with) he say their goof friends but I don't know. I asked him does he have feelings for any of them he said yes but not enough to leave his wife. I hate the fact that he goes off & tells thus particular ex I really don't like our issues at home , and she has crossed her boundaries once already by telling him that we se shouldn't have kids because we argue to much. Also I kinda peeped through his facebook and I notices he comments on her boobs and everything. Him and this one particular ex talks EVERYDAY NON-STOP and she gets mad at him for not texting her all day or even an hour... I asked him does she know that she is just a friend, he tells me he tell her but I have not seen it. Also he still flirts... ive cut off everyone for him.. he thinks im being paranoid that he might leave me or that some other girl will take my place and HE KNOWS SHE WANTS MY PLACE.. He still continues to talk to her,, Last night we got ito a huge fiasco of what ive been feeling(I was intoxicated) I told him that I felt uncomfortable with him talk to the females he cheated on me with me & he gets upsets and says that we should get an Enullment because he say I don't trust him. we were great before the females came back into his life.. & Eversince he told me still has feelings for a few I now feel like im not the only one he's thinking about... Im just confused cause I really wanna keep this marriage... I feel like he's giving up.. all I want him to do is stop talking to them. he gets really upset when I tell him how I feel and so I just shutup so he doesn't get mad with me and overtime everything builds up on mind on what I wana say but im scared too.. My heart is heavy.. this is the only thing bothering me in this marriage .. everything else is wonderful ! :(

RightThere Established Member

RightThere

Posted
Posted
Also I kinda peeped through his facebook and I notices he comments on her boobs and everything. Him and this one particular ex talks EVERYDAY NON-STOP and she gets mad at him for not texting her all day or even an hour... I asked him does she know that she is just a friend, he tells me he tell her but I have not seen it. Also he still flirts...

 

I hate to break it to you, but these are all the warning signs that he is either planning on cheating on you, or IS cheating on you.

 

He's clearly having an emotional affair with his ex's. He's got a pattern to prove that he's capable of a physical affair.

 

You need to lay down some boundaries with him or get out. It's clear he does not respect you and will continue to do this (and more) because you let him.

  • Like 5
down hearted Established Member

down hearted

Posted
Posted (edited)

another Facebook marriage drama issue, see friends? Facebook and ex's while married do not mix!

 

anyway, am sorry to tell you this but he is been bluntly disrespectful to you! Why all of a sudden he has the need to keep in touch with all of the ex's? and seriously commenting on an ex's boobs whom he CHEATED on you with? C'mon red flags, red flags, red flags! He is a looser, you either accept his immature actions or leave him, i say leave, if he cheated on you MULTIPLE times while dating for 3 and a HALF years what makes you think been MARRIED makes a difference in him not doing it again? Cheating is cheating, he did it not once but multiple times and you accepted it and now he knows it doesn't matter because you will always take him back after he is done playing around and he will do it again, he is already in front of your face is been disrespectful to you as his wife. How dare him cheat on you with someone and THEN keep in touch with THAT someone he cheated on you with, girl stand up for yourself and leave him, otherwise get ready to deal with infidelity with this guy for a long long time to come.

Edited by down hearted
  • Like 1
lindsay1990 Established Member

lindsay1990

Posted
Posted (edited)
Me and my husband were dating for 3 &1/2 years and weve ben married for a month. I moved to texas to be with him and I left my family and friends behind in florida to be with him coming here not knowing anyone. The first couple weeks were good , he didn't have his facebook activated. He re-opened his facebook , before he re-opened it there wasn't no females in life but me & his mother. Now in his phone and on facebook he still associates with his Ex's( the ones he cheated on me with) he say their goof friends but I don't know. (

 

 

You do know but you want us to tell you. Yeah, they may be good friends too. My sister is a good friend, but more importantly SHE'S MY SISTER. What I'm saying is that there are preponderant roles that people have in our lives and in this case the preponderant role is EX. Not only that but the ones he cheated on you with. I can understand him being friends with an ex, sure, maybe years gone by, good memories, good lessons, good friends. But there is no circumstance that makes it okay to keep any contact whatsoever with an affair partner if he wants to be with you now. There is no way around this, it is unacceptable. If this was someone he could not erase from his life, like say a first wife-mother of his children, well, my advice would be that YOU would have to go. But somebody's gotta.

 

 

 

I asked him does he have feelings for any of them he said yes but not enough to leave his wife. (

 

  • Then "enough" for what? To cheat (some more) but not leave?
  • This is what is called Emotional Affair. Look it up and see if you are okay with this.
  • If you ARE, you need to go see a therapist asap and explore this, in particular why you think you are entitled to less than 100% of your husband's romantic affections.

 

 

I hate the fact that he goes off & tells thus particular ex I really don't like our issues at home , (

 

So his confidences towards this woman are on a higher place than his loyalty to you. Additionally, he has made her privy to your relationship and allowed her to weigh-in. So now you are competing with his opinions + hers? Your husband is in the most absolute wrong confiding in this woman.

 

This isn't an emotional affair between this woman and him. He has physically cheated on you with her. IMHO, they are in between physical rendezvous but what you are seeing is not him "not sleeping with her" it's him and her exercising their bond "in between cheats".

 

 

 

and she has crossed her boundaries once already by telling him that we se shouldn't have kids because we argue to much. (

 

No, your husband has crossed yours and his boundaries and has let this woman into YOUR marriage. She is within the boundaries he has delineated for her, she is acting within the limits your husband allows for her.

 

 

Also I kinda peeped through his facebook and I notices he comments on her boobs and everything. Him and this one particular ex talks EVERYDAY NON-STOP and she gets mad at him for not texting her all day or even an hour... I asked him does she know that she is just a friend, he tells me he tell her but I have not seen it. (

 

This is full-blown, I'm sorry. If they haven't slept together again yet, they will soon. Your husband enjoys this and feeds this, have no doubt.

 

 

Also he still flirts... ive cut off everyone for him.. he thinks im being paranoid that he might leave me or that some other girl will take my place and HE KNOWS SHE WANTS MY PLACE.. He still continues to talk to her,, Last night we got ito a huge fiasco of what ive been feeling(I was intoxicated) I told him that I felt uncomfortable with him talk to the females he cheated on me with me & he gets upsets and says that we should get an Enullment because he say I don't trust him.(

 

I agree, you should get an annulment and you SHOULDN'T trust him. Besides, he is threatening you with an annulment if you don't keep yourself in line and not interfere with his relationships with other women.

 

 

& Eversince he told me still has feelings for a few I now feel like im not the only one he's thinking about...(

 

You don't "feel", you "know".

 

 

Im just confused cause I really wanna keep this marriage... I feel like he's giving up.. all I want him to do is stop talking to them. (

 

Why do you want to keep this marriage? If you do, please go see a professional because you are in denial as to the severity of this matter.

 

You don't want to give up "on the marriage"? Your husband doesn't want to give up on his ex! whom he is still in love with and probably waiting to see again soon.

 

 

he gets really upset when I tell him how I feel and so I just shutup so he doesn't get mad with me and overtime everything builds up on mind on what I wana say but im scared too.. (

 

 

He is manipulating you. He spins it on you so you feel bad for confronting him. THIS will make you a shell of yourself and it is abuse.

 

Your husband is cheating on you, disrespecting you, violating your confidence as to the privacy of the issues of your relationship, GASLIGHTING you about the extent and nature of his involvement with this woman, threatening you with dissolving your marriage if you don't back off from him and his girlfriend, diminishing and minimizing your feelings which are very legitimate, and scaring you from demanding he act differently.

 

If you're not up for seeing a lawyer right now, please consult a therapist. You don't deserve any of this. This is not a normal situation and none of what's going on is right.

Edited by lindsay1990
  • Like 3
crederer Established Member

crederer

Posted
Posted

Yeesh. I'd take his advice and get the annulment.

  • Like 4
  • Author
mrswindow New Member

mrswindow

Posted
  • Author
Posted
You do know but you want us to tell you. Yeah, they may be good friends too. My sister is a good friend, but more importantly SHE'S MY SISTER. What I'm saying is that there are preponderant roles that people have in our lives and in this case the preponderant role is EX. Not only that but the ones he cheated on you with. I can understand him being friends with an ex, sure, maybe years gone by, good memories, good lessons, good friends. But there is no circumstance that makes it okay to keep any contact whatsoever with an affair partner if he wants to be with you now. There is no way around this, it is unacceptable. If this was someone he could not erase from his life, like say a first wife-mother of his children, well, my advice would be that YOU would have to go. But somebody's gotta.

 

 

 

 

 

  • Then "enough" for what? To cheat (some more) but not leave?
  • This is what is called Emotional Affair. Look it up and see if you are okay with this.
  • If you ARE, you need to go see a therapist asap and explore this, in particular why you think you are entitled to less than 100% of your husband's romantic affections.

 

 

 

So his confidences towards this woman are on a higher place than his loyalty to you. Additionally, he has made her privy to your relationship and allowed her to weigh-in. So now you are competing with his opinions + hers? Your husband is in the most absolute wrong confiding in this woman.

 

This isn't an emotional affair between this woman and him. He has physically cheated on you with her. IMHO, they are in between physical rendezvous but what you are seeing is not him "not sleeping with her" it's him and her exercising their bond "in between cheats".

 

 

 

 

 

No, your husband has crossed yours and his boundaries and has let this woman into YOUR marriage. She is within the boundaries he has delineated for her, she is acting within the limits your husband allows for her.

 

 

 

 

This is full-blown, I'm sorry. If they haven't slept together again yet, they will soon. Your husband enjoys this and feeds this, have no doubt.

 

 

 

 

I agree, you should get an annulment and you SHOULDN'T trust him. Besides, he is threatening you with an annulment if you don't keep yourself in line and not interfere with his relationships with other women.

 

 

 

 

You don't "feel", you "know".

 

 

 

 

Why do you want to keep this marriage? If you do, please go see a professional because you are in denial as to the severity of this matter.

 

You don't want to give up "on the marriage"? Your husband doesn't want to give up on his ex! whom he is still in love with and probably waiting to see again soon.

 

 

 

 

 

He is manipulating you. He spins it on you so you feel bad for confronting him. THIS will make you a shell of yourself and it is abuse.

 

Your husband is cheating on you, disrespecting you, violating your confidence as to the privacy of the issues of your relationship, GASLIGHTING you about the extent and nature of his involvement with this woman, threatening you with dissolving your marriage if you don't back off from him and his girlfriend, diminishing and minimizing your feelings which are very legitimate, and scaring you from demanding he act differently.

 

If you're not up for seeing a lawyer right now, please consult a therapist. You don't deserve any of this. This is not a normal situation and none of what's going on is right.

 

 

 

I do need to see a therapist ! im literally having suicidal thoughts...

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