beyondcrushed Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 I just started online dating. I have been trying to be careful with the personal information I give out, so I have been using my first name instead of the name I go by. I also have a neighbouring city as where I live. Then I meet this guy online. I went on a first date with him. This was the first time meeting each other. We had drinks for a couple hours. We really hit it off -- laughing, chatting. There was certainly a connection felt by both of us. I knew we both wanted to see each other again, and before it goes too far I wanted to be up front with him and told him the name I go by and where I really live. He was surprised and I explained that I am trying to be careful. It didn't seem to bother him. After our date he walks me to my car and kisses me on the lips, and it becomes a passionate kiss for a few minutes. We say our good byes. When I get home, I read a text from him saying "That was nice:)" . I send one back saying "Real nice:)" This morning he texts, "LOL, i just remembered hw many things were untrue on your profile! Name, address...I better go back and look at your pictures!" I reply with, "I need to be careful, as a woman. I like you and the fact that you know so many peopel that i know, I thought it "safe" to be up front. btw, my first name is really X. My nickname is M and used it since I was a kid;)" He replies with, " Good morning. Hope you didn't have an upset babysitter when you got home!" (He said this because I got home later than expected.) I reply with, "Nah, she wasn't too upset. lol. Good morning!". I didnt' hear back and so at lunch I sent another text telling him what I had for lunch and asking how he was doing. He replies, "I am not feeling the love today." I reply with, "oh no. Who do you want the love from?" I haven't heard from him yet. I am thinking the worst. That he doesn't like my fibbing and is also being cautious and is no longer interested in pursuing anything with me and that was his way of saying it. He is a very busy guy but in the evenings he manages to text me quite a bit. Do you think by him saying "I'm not feeling the love today" he is saying he's not interested?
Phantom888 Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 I might not be in a good mood today. Don't over think it. Your being careful is a positive trait, so that should not turn any man off. He's just not having a good day. Give him space, and he'll be wonderful again tomorrow. He is definitely interested if he kissed you like that.
ExpatInItaly Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 His text was strange and certainly could be him bowing out, but give it a little time. Don't text him again. You may yet hear from him, but if you don't, you haven't really lost too much. You only went on one date, if I read correctly. There will be plenty of others. In my experience, guys that send "cryptic" messages like that are the ones who aren't interested.
Author beyondcrushed Posted November 7, 2013 Author Posted November 7, 2013 I might not be in a good mood today. Don't over think it. Your being careful is a positive trait, so that should not turn any man off. He's just not having a good day. Give him space, and he'll be wonderful again tomorrow. He is definitely interested if he kissed you like that. I hope you are right. He seemed to be more of what I'm looking for. I really had a great night with him. We'll see what happens.
Author beyondcrushed Posted November 7, 2013 Author Posted November 7, 2013 His text was strange and certainly could be him bowing out, but give it a little time. Don't text him again. You may yet hear from him, but if you don't, you haven't really lost too much. You only went on one date, if I read correctly. There will be plenty of others. In my experience, guys that send "cryptic" messages like that are the ones who aren't interested. Man. This sucks. My gut says he's bowing out. Why couldn't he be more direct? I just started dating and out of the guys I've met, I am attracted to and connected with him the most for many reasons. Ugh. Should I change my profie so its more truthful?
pteromom Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 Man. This sucks. My gut says he's bowing out. Why couldn't he be more direct? I just started dating and out of the guys I've met, I am attracted to and connected with him the most for many reasons. Ugh. Should I change my profie so its more truthful? NO! If he really has an issue with you not putting your real name on a dating site, then he's just wrong. You did the right thing and you should stand by your decision. You gotta remember that it isn't all about connection. There could very well be a reason he is single, and it could be that he is paranoid and untrusting. In which case, you dodged the bullet! 2
mortensorchid Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 First, I have a few things to say about OLD that you did not do correctly. You are obviously a newbie at this, and caution is a good thing to have, no question, as it is a crazy world out there. However, you should be upfront about all basic factual information (first name, where you live, your age, etc.). It's fine to practice caution, but chances are if you are not honest about basic, factual information about yourself with that person you are meeting online they will not trust you. I would recommend that you make changes to your profile accordingly. As for your text messages? Well, they sound a little odd but wait and see what happens. Maybe he was just in a bad mood at that moment, but if you have not heard from him within 48 hours then you won't again. This is how OLD works.
pteromom Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 How is a fake name and where she lives (I assume she means address, not city) lying about 99% of her profile?
Treasa Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 Her name was fake, address, city and more. He even said that when he gone back to see her profile, he was surprised how much of it was fake...her words. Maybe not 99% but at least 75%. OP: "This morning he texts, "LOL, i just remembered hw many things were untrue on your profile! Name, address...I better go back and look at your pictures!" OP: "I also have a neighboring city as where I live" To me, address/neighboring city are pretty much the same thing. I doubt she gave him two different house addresses. OP, I think you were wise to be cautious. If this doesn't pan out, don't worry about it and move on to the next one. 3
pteromom Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 Her name was fake, address, city and more. He even said that when he gone back to see her profile, he was surprised how much of it was fake...her words. Maybe not 99% but at least 75%. OP: "This morning he texts, "LOL, i just remembered hw many things were untrue on your profile! Name, address...I better go back and look at your pictures!" OP: "I also have a neighboring city as where I live" Still don't see the big deal. As long as she was using her real pics, and sharing who she really is as a person and what she really wants out of a relationship. 1
Shosh Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 I agree, what is the big deal if she states her real town on her profile or the next town over? And she DID give her real name, just not the nickname she goes by. How is any of that lying or a reason for a guy not to see her again? OP, I don't think you did anything wrong, you also did not have to come clean on the first date, but it is nice of you that you did. My advice is to wait and see if he gets in touch again. Don't contact him first. His 'not feeling the love today' sounds to me like he does not feel like you are affectionate to him if you just tell him about your lunch. BUT don't let him pressure you into being lovey-dovey after one date, take your time getting to know him before you start calling him honey, babe, etc.
Author beyondcrushed Posted November 7, 2013 Author Posted November 7, 2013 I agree, what is the big deal if she states her real town on her profile or the next town over? And she DID give her real name, just not the nickname she goes by. How is any of that lying or a reason for a guy not to see her again? OP, I don't think you did anything wrong, you also did not have to come clean on the first date, but it is nice of you that you did. My advice is to wait and see if he gets in touch again. Don't contact him first. His 'not feeling the love today' sounds to me like he does not feel like you are affectionate to him if you just tell him about your lunch. BUT don't let him pressure you into being lovey-dovey after one date, take your time getting to know him before you start calling him honey, babe, etc. Thank you. I feel I did the right thing -- cautious and up front. And yes, why is he still single? If he has a trust issue, and we got together, it would've been a problem down the road anyway. Also, I wanted to be lovey but I decided not to because I didn't want to assume and be too forward after only one date and one kiss. If he wants "love" right away, then I think he may have just been looking for sex. So maybe it was meant to be. I have not and will not contact him again and see what happens after a couple days. And if nothing, oh well, next! Thank you everyone!
crederer Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 I think you;re jumping the gun here. He could have meant so many things and just didn't have time or desire to get back to you right away with what's going on. Could mean he is getting a hard time from a coworker, family member, ex, kids, friends, whatever.
Author beyondcrushed Posted November 8, 2013 Author Posted November 8, 2013 (edited) Thanks. Yes, i thought of those things too. I still haven't heard from him. I do remember his online profile did say that he wants a secure confident woman and can sniff out insecurity and neediness immediately so don't waste his time. LOL. He knows what he wants. We'll see if that's me. Thanks again! Edited November 8, 2013 by beyondcrushed
Author beyondcrushed Posted November 9, 2013 Author Posted November 9, 2013 He contacted me again! He never got any of my texts all day until 2am. He said he was wondering what happened, hence, "I'm not feeling any love today." LOL. So we've been communicating since. Fear and anxiety are my enemies! LOL
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