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could anyone let me know , girlfriend wanted to "take a break"

Bob142

By Bob142
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Bob142 New Member

Bob142

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Hey everybody, me and my girlfriend have been dating for about 7 months, then a few days ago out of the blue she dumped me.

The way she worded it was that "she still loves me, but she wants to take some time to see if this relationship is correct for both of us".

If anyone is wondering I am 18, and we both enjoyed all of our time together, it has only been a day but I already miss her, I decided to pick the 28th to contact her, and I also see her at school every once and a while, if anyone could give me any advice I would appreciate it. (what to say/do if I see her before then, how to keep carrying on etc...)

thank you for your time, anything will be appreciated, ask all the questions you have, I just need help from people who know what it feels like :(

Philosoraptor Established Member

Philosoraptor

Posted
Posted

She wants to date other people. Go NC as much as possible. If you have to speak to her keep it brief, to the point, and professional.

 

Move on as if she will never come back. Take care of yourself, heal up, and eventually start dating other people yourself.

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crederer Established Member

crederer

Posted
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Take a break really means break up but she didn't have the guys to say it. NC is the best way to heal from it.

 

This is the hardest part, right now.

 

Sorry dude.

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Bob142 New Member

Bob142

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thank you, I am almost positive that it isn't because she wants to date other people, I think she just wants to have some time to herself, we haven't made it official and I asked her to give me a solid answer eventually, I told her not to make it a day, but also to make sure that she doesn't take months, I gave myself the 28th just so that I have a day to hang onto... I just hope that I find out what my final answer will be and that I can get over the deep feeling of sadness... thank you

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Bob142 New Member

Bob142

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As I said the feelings are still there, she is a very straight to the point girl and I asked her if she is just using this as a soft way to break up with me, she said no... She said that she wants to see if this relationship is going in the direction that is good for both of us. So I am just going to have to wait it out... also if she does text me before then how long should I wait before I respond? thank you...

strive Established Member

strive

Posted
Posted
thank you, I am almost positive that it isn't because she wants to date other people, I think she just wants to have some time to herself, we haven't made it official and I asked her to give me a solid answer eventually, I told her not to make it a day, but also to make sure that she doesn't take months, I gave myself the 28th just so that I have a day to hang onto... I just hope that I find out what my final answer will be and that I can get over the deep feeling of sadness... thank you

That's exactly the problem. You're hanging on to a date hoping that you'll get back together. What if she doesn't want to? Then you just lost a past of your life holding on to false hope when you could've had a headstart on healing.

 

Start making yourself happy again. Go out, have fun. Happiness is attractive; sadness is not.

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Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

Posted
Posted

The way she worded it was that "she still loves me, but she wants to take some time to see if this relationship is correct for both of us".

 

 

Yeah, that makes ALL THE SENSE IN THE WORLD!!! Let's take time apart from the person I love to see if I want to be with him. I totally get it! :sick:

 

 

Now, do you want to know the REAL reason on why she probably wants time apart? Here's the hard part....there's someone else she's interested in. And she wants to try this other guy out. If he isn't interested or it just doesn't work out, well......she has you waiting on the sidelines. Mr. Back up Plan. And if you find out about this other dude; you can't get mad! Because, we were on a break! HOW CONVENIENT! It's not her fault YOU didn't date during the break! *dripping sarcasm....if you haven't noticed*

 

Bet you if you agree to this "break" on the condition that we don't date anyone else and remain exclusive while we're on this break, she's going to baulk at that. Then, you'll know she's interested in someone else.

 

And you can ask her if there's someone else. She will deny it until the cows come home. And she might not be lying. Because, technically, she has done anything with this guy.......yet. But, he may have gave her a hint that he's interested. A STRONG enough hint to put you on the sidelines so she can play the field with this dude. But, she can't do that until she gets rid of your ass first.

 

That's probably what's going on.

crederer Established Member

crederer

Posted
Posted
As I said the feelings are still there, she is a very straight to the point girl and I asked her if she is just using this as a soft way to break up with me, she said no... She said that she wants to see if this relationship is going in the direction that is good for both of us. So I am just going to have to wait it out... also if she does text me before then how long should I wait before I respond? thank you...

 

I'd suggest taking it one step at a time here. No need to get ahead of yourself with hypothetical responses. I'd make a new thread on how to respond if that situation comes up.

 

And I really don't want to be a debby downer here, but her response is a pretty typical one from a person that is simply too cowardly to break up proper. I'd carry on with the assumption that it is over, for your own mental state. I know how hard it can be to be left feeling in limbo. I wish I mentally adjusted right off the hop as well instead of holding on to hope as it just made the whole thing more difficult for me.

 

Honestly, it's not fair for her to drag you along like that. You're either together or not.

 

As for what Chi Town said, that MAY be the case. My ex didn't go for another guy, she's still single. In a way though that's almost more insulting. She didn't leave me for another guy, she just straight up didn't want me.

Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

Posted
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I'd suggest taking it one step at a time here. No need to get ahead of yourself with hypothetical responses. I'd make a new thread on how to respond if that situation comes up.

 

 

I wish it was a hypothetical scenario that I was making up. However, I've seen it all too often.

 

Your situation is why my post is lined with "Probably" instead of "definitely".

organizedchaos Established Member

organizedchaos

Posted
Posted
Yeah, that makes ALL THE SENSE IN THE WORLD!!! Let's take time apart from the person I love to see if I want to be with him. I totally get it! :sick:

 

 

Now, do you want to know the REAL reason on why she probably wants time apart? Here's the hard part....there's someone else she's interested in. And she wants to try this other guy out. If he isn't interested or it just doesn't work out, well......she has you waiting on the sidelines. Mr. Back up Plan. And if you find out about this other dude; you can't get mad! Because, we were on a break! HOW CONVENIENT! It's not her fault YOU didn't date during the break! *dripping sarcasm....if you haven't noticed*

 

Bet you if you agree to this "break" on the condition that we don't date anyone else and remain exclusive while we're on this break, she's going to baulk at that. Then, you'll know she's interested in someone else.

 

And you can ask her if there's someone else. She will deny it until the cows come home. And she might not be lying. Because, technically, she has done anything with this guy.......yet. But, he may have gave her a hint that he's interested. A STRONG enough hint to put you on the sidelines so she can play the field with this dude. But, she can't do that until she gets rid of your ass first.

 

That's probably what's going on.

 

Bolded part. OP, get her to agree to that. That's what I did when my now ex initially said she wanted to take a break for two weeks. I agreed under the condition above that neither one of us sees anyone else during this time. She agreed.

 

We still broke up b/c she wanted more time and I didn't agree to be in limbo.

 

So when someone does say they want a break, it's just an easy way to lead to a breakup.

Fufu Established Member

Fufu

Posted
Posted (edited)

She wants to keep you as a backup plan if all others failed. Do you want to be someone's backup plan aka doormat/spare tyre ?

 

Don't date anyone who second guess/ having doubts/hesitation. If she really wants to be with you she won't ask for a break and even if she feels something not quite right about this relationship, I think generally it will be telling you and working things out to try and not surprise you with a "I still love you, but I want to take some time to see if this relationship is correct for both of us".

Edited by Fufu
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Bob142 New Member

Bob142

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I have a group of friends that are the same as hers, and I have one that will tell me if there is someone, she is most likley stressed out with schoolwork, actual work, trying to keep everything going straight and since school started we started seeing each other less as she is very busy with life. I would like to thank everyone for their help, I am going to enjoy my life and have fun, it will keep me going. I hope I am not a backup plan and thank you to all of you. Glad there are people who want to help out :)

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