babybear Posted December 16, 2004 Posted December 16, 2004 Is there an unwritten law in guy-land saying your ex-bf has to hate your new bf? I was out with my ex the other nite, who is a wonderful person and whom I love dearly in a friendship sort of way. We talk about everything, and he's super supportive of me, unless I talk about my current bf. Anytime I tell him something wonderful my bf does, he has to criticize it in some way. I showed him the purse my bf bought me, and he was like, yea...its alright. I was saying something about how my bf's (Honda Accord) handles pretty well in the snow, and he's like, if his accord can do it, then my car can definitely do it. Then he starts asking me if I'd marry my bf today. I was like, well...my career isnt where I want it to be yet, so no, I wouldnt get married now. And he's like, okay, youve been with him 2 yrs and you cant marry him. You're not in love. Anyhow, I make sure that we do not discuss my bf, because all he wants to do is rip him apart. I have had some problems with my guy in the past, and I wonder if maybe thats all my ex remembers, but I dont know why he cant ever say nice things about him. Is it just not something guys do??? I'll admit, I dont LOVE to hear about my ex's new gf, but I'll at least not bring her up, rather than bring her up to criticize her. Bb
savethedrama4allama Posted December 16, 2004 Posted December 16, 2004 Its because he still has feelings for you. Sorry, I'm not a guy, but that's how I see it.
Author babybear Posted December 16, 2004 Author Posted December 16, 2004 I would agree, but he has a new gf, that he's been with for 4 or 5 months now. And he seems to be extremely in love with her. Although, I'm sure no woman would ever compare to me. (I'm totally kidding.)
alphamale Posted December 16, 2004 Posted December 16, 2004 Originally posted by babybear I would agree, but he has a new gf, that he's been with for 4 or 5 months now. And he seems to be extremely in love with her. Although, I'm sure no woman would ever compare to me. (I'm totally kidding.) Boy and they say that men have big egos! If you broke up with him he is jealous of your latest b/f. This is exactly why I always preach one should not remain friends with exes unless you have kids together.
Merin Posted December 16, 2004 Posted December 16, 2004 Honestly.. while I'm not a guy either I can tell you this.. I was married to then divorced my EX and while I could care less about what it is he does with his girlfriend, it doesn't mean I wish to listen to him go on and on about how she does this or how nice that was.. and honestly it isn't because I give 2 ****s about him and I'm all good with him being with some other person (because quite frankly no woman would ever compare to me and I'm not kidding Jk jk) I would find it to be annoying because it would seem to me he was trying to tell me how much better she was/is and yeah.. I'd be less than receptive to hear about it. We are still friends (we have to be, it's like the law when you have kids together ) but yeah.. I don't feel the need to tell him how great my guy is (I leave that to my little people LMAO) and he doesn't go on and on about his chicka.. My 2 cents
Majik45 Posted December 16, 2004 Posted December 16, 2004 It's either he's still in love with your or it may be that he feels like you're rubbing your new boyfriend in his face. If an ex-girlfriend of my talked about her boyfriend is so nice and did this and that, etc., I would feel like she's rubbing it in my face. Just my opinion though.
ConfusedInOC Posted December 16, 2004 Posted December 16, 2004 Uh, yes it's an unwritten rule that two men you dated will never like each other. Neither think the other is good enough for you. That's just life.
HokeyReligions Posted December 16, 2004 Posted December 16, 2004 You said that you bring up your bf in conversations- he doesn't. You admit you don't love hearing about your x's new gf and you don't bring her up in conversations. No matter how good friends you are right now -- you were a couple once. That's like rubbing salt in a wound and seems very self-centered and inconsiderate to me. Why do you keep doing it when you know it bothers him? That doesn't sound like a good friendship either.
alphamale Posted December 16, 2004 Posted December 16, 2004 when a dude is dating a dude-ette (i.e. a woman) and he meets one of her ex b/f that he KNOWS she had sex with, it is hard. I mean, you sit there thinking to yourself "so this is the dude who had his kock up your puzzy and in your mouth before me?!" It is a hard pill for us men to swallow, esp with our fragile egos and all.
MelodyJ Posted December 16, 2004 Posted December 16, 2004 your right alpha. This post is precisley why I am not pushing staying "friends" with my ex, even though he mentioned it. It's a done deal. We have no kids together, and I really don't care to know what (or who) he is doing, and he doesn't need to know about me either. M's 2 cents.
whichwayisup Posted December 16, 2004 Posted December 16, 2004 I mean, you sit there thinking to yourself "so this is the dude who had his kock up your puzzy and in your mouth before me?!" LFMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Author babybear Posted December 16, 2004 Author Posted December 16, 2004 I'm definitely not guilty of rubbing it in his face. When we go out, I make a point to make it about "us" and not a gossip session about the latest on me and my guy. I save that one for the girls. If he asks me how things are, I may mention that me and my bf are good, but I don't just volunteer that out of nowhere. And plus, I've been with my bf for 2 yrs, so I'm not really at that point where I need to talk about him ALL DAY LONG. And to an ex, no less. I will ask him how his gf is, cause I want to know what's going on in his life, and b/c he loves her. But I guess he wants to believe he's the man in my life, just like part of every woman wants to feel like she can never be replaced. But, the difference is that I have never said an unkind word about his girl, and he doesnt hide his dislike for my bf.
bebop Posted December 16, 2004 Posted December 16, 2004 unless I talk about my current bf. Anytime I tell him something wonderful my bf does, he has to criticize it in some way. Anyhow, I make sure that we do not discuss my bf What? I'm confused.
ConfusedInOC Posted December 16, 2004 Posted December 16, 2004 Originally posted by babybear But, the difference is that I have never said an unkind word about his girl, and he doesnt hide his dislike for my bf. And that's the difference between how men and women think. If you want to maintain a friendship with your ex, you'd be wise to not talk about your current bf at all.
bebop Posted December 16, 2004 Posted December 16, 2004 I agree. Too, for some people it's an ego trip to engage in this, whether consciously or subconsciously. It does not go over. Whatever your motivation, it would be wise to stop.
tanbark813 Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 Umm.. why not just hang out with your bf instead of your ex? That would seem to solve your problems.
Author babybear Posted December 17, 2004 Author Posted December 17, 2004 Hi Guys, I think some of you totally misunderstood me. I don't usually befriend all my exes...but me and this one happened to salvage a pretty cool friendship out of it. We don't hang out nightly...but when we do, we just make jokes and talk or eat or drink or whatever. Alot of times its me, him, and a bunch of other ppl...its not like we cozy up together...I'm just saying that since the breakup, he hasn't been 100% out of my social circle. And I certainly don't ditch my bf to hang out with my ex. And...I don't sit around rubbing it in his face that I have a bf. By the way, he has a gf too. But, if he happens to ask me about something, or what I did for the weekend, I might say - me and "Jon" went snowboarding in Tahoe. And I'll leave it at that. Neither of us gush about our SO's, but if you're friends with someone, obviously you're going to hear about their bf/gf at times. It's not like this situation is unbearable, I'm just wondering if it's normal for an ex to act kind of like that. I asked him the other nite what he was going to get his gf for Christmas and I mentioned that as a gift my bf got me a purse, and maybe his gf is into purses. It was not ill intentioned to bring up my bf. And thats when he said my bf's taste is purses was 'just alright.' Things like that sort of irk me, so I'm trying to understand it. Thanks again. Bb
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