my story

[Krakenos]

hi, i would like to share with you my story. I dont know why im writing it.. maybe to just let it from my chest so...

 

I met A. 3 years ago over internet (MMO), after 2 months of speaking I decided to met her in her's town - about 6 hours of driving from my place. After that moment everything was like a perfect long distance relationship. When she finished school, she stared a job in her town and in next year she decided to come to my town, rent a flat and find a job. We didnt live with each other bc we decided that we are not ready, and she was afraid that living with me will destroy everything. Im 26, she is 21 now.

 

For 6 months she didnt find a job bc she had very hard criteria. After that time her mother starded a new job in cosmetics business and A. wanted to start to but it was impossible to do it in my town. So she was going to her place do some stuff then she was with me again. But we were smiling, walking, kissing and other stuff and everthing was ok. She was not complaining about situation. She was mentioning about rutine in realtionship and that we were stuck in place, but I told her that I think everything will change when she will find a job and go to another school, and if there is something more i can do she must just say it or do bc sometimes I havent got an idea about what to do in evenening etc. But from that conversation i saw that she had concerns about living here. I was this site in relationhip who was doing romantic stuff, and when i said to her one time that she could do something too she said that she is not good in this.

 

Everything changed in july. When i wanted to meet, she told me she don't have time bc she is doing something for parents - it was true. But something was not right. I felt it. On my friend weeding she said that she is tired and wanted to go home, after ~4 hours.

In first week of august she said to me that she cant live in my town, it is too far from her familly, she want to be with me but not here. I asked what about us, she reply that she dont know, maybe nothing will change when she will go to her home town. I said i lover her and dont want to go she said same thing but she must.

 

Next day we had a talk and we decided to break up bc we dont want a long distance relationship. I helped her pack and that was the end.

After a month a wrote to her that i was thinking about her and she replied that she dont want that kind of messeges from me.

After two month after break up she changed her status at fb to in relationship with a guy she met in june. i checked her wall, and photos and noticed that this guy was commented every picture, how she is lovely etc. He has a big crush on her. I wrote to her and asked if he is the real reason that she left.. she was very angry at me that how could i think like that.. that i dont know anything, that we were speaking about moving on (she was spekaing about moving on not me), and how do i know about that she met him in june and it is a lie. I send her link to her profile when she can check relationship with other person. She was a little confused and wrote: ok, i met him but it was jsut a friend not a guy for romance and i was fair with u. i replied that now it doesnt matter and wished them good luck.

 

After a two weeks she call me to ask for help in her work and i agree. We was texting about that case and she was just like nothing happened, and we are friends.

Now there is about 3 weeks onf NC. Her new guy live about 3 hours of driving from her place.

 

I doing quite good now.. but first two months was a nightmare. Im not entirely healed but i think i know where im going, and i know how to do it

She was a prefect girl, she had everything i every wanted.

Sometimes i have a thoughts about that break up converstation. Maybe we could try long distance realtionship and maybe she could return after a few months. idk.

I think that she was to young and it was too far.

 

I know it is not good but i silently counting that this guy will not be the one, and they will break up. i know.. but what can i do

 

My plan is to ask her in january if she thinks that our decisions were good. I will do that only if i will be ready.

 

Do you think that this guy her is a rebound and it will not last long?

Do you think that second chance is possible?

Does any one have a happy second chance story?

Maybe we should try long distance relationship for a second time?

 

PS sorry for mistakes but english is not my nativ language

[strive]

I don;t know if he's a rebound or not. Or if she left you to be with him. But the fact is she is with him now and you have to accept that.

 

Don't give yourself a timeline on when you want to talk to her. Setting a timeline would just make you look forward to it. You'll just wait and wait until January and you'll never heal if you do that.

 

You don't need a deadline when to talk to her. Heal first, and when you're really really healed, that's when you'll know if it's the right time (or maybe realize you don't want to talk to her at all anymore).

 

I wish you all the best and stay NC.

 

(Btw, just curious, what mmo were you playing? )

[xUnknown]

 

My plan is to ask her in january if she thinks that our decisions were good. I will do that only if i will be ready.

 

Do you think that this guy her is a rebound and it will not last long?

Do you think that second chance is possible?

Does any one have a happy second chance story?

Maybe we should try long distance relationship for a second time?

 

PS sorry for mistakes but english is not my nativ language

 

January is a little bit aways. I would take it easy and keep focusing on you. If she isn't willing to work at it through the struggle of distance, why would you want to be with her? She clearly isn't willing to work through the struggle - not someone you wanna be with. By January, you may realize you're better off or hell, even found someone better.

 

I do think that the guy is a rebound. She jumped from you, right to this guy. Duration of rebounds are a question - I don't know from personal experience, but I know that usually, they eventually end.

 

For second chances - I would search the Second Chance group.

 

For long distance again, I would refer to the first paragraph I wrote. You may not want it and have moved on from then. I also would not ask her as long as she is with that guy, you're just asking to get shut down. If anything, wait for her to break up, then ask a few months after that (if you still have feelings for her). She may come back to you then, at which point, tread lightly. If she hops into another relationship, then you know she has issues with being alone and needs to rely(dependent) on another person - which is not a good quality in a partner - so I would pass again. If after they break up, you still feel the same way a few months after they are done (assuming she has done some self reflecting), then perhaps get in contact with her....but ultimately, remain NC, work on moving on, and if she comes back, she comes back.

 

Good luck!

[Krakenos]

She has a birthday in January so i decided to go NC until that.

For me that kind of deadline is like hmm.. when im catch myself at thinking about her i tell myself dont think about her until January just let it go.

Im looking forward to January, i just picked that month to have some kind of milestone

 

I just remembered that when she was living in my town she said that she is afraid to settle down bc she is afraid that i will dump her and she will be here alone.

 

It is strange that you can fall in love.. fall out.. fall in again..

 

I have to move on and i know that the fastest way to forget is to go out and meet with friends, workout and get involved in some kind of groups.

 

We were playing hmm.. i think shaiya. Well before me, she was playing in duo with others.. i think 3 guys in 6 months before me.. but only i decided to meet her in real life.

I do no regret that i met her. We had a fantastic time together.

 

But to be onest i didnt develop(i dont know is that a good word), i was doing everything so that she could be happy in my town and i was happy. Maybe it was a mistake, idk.

 

After 3 months after BU i a can say that i think that this break up pushed me to my limits and made me stronger and more self-confident.

 

It is funny how changing glasses for lenses and few pushup every day can boost up self-confidence

[devilish innocent]

I don't think you can predict what will happen between her and the other guy. I know that many people say that when people jump from one relationship to another it's a rebound that doesn't last. But I also know couples who started off like that who are now happily married years later. You just have to sit back and wait to see how things turn out between them.

 

There are some happy second chance stories. If her relationship with that guy breaks up, then you can ask if she wants a long distance relationship. I would caution you this though. She's been through a long distance relationship with you once before and decided it wasn't right for her. I don't see why she would change her mind about it later on. The odds seem pretty slim if you are going to be in different cities. Even if you could move to be with her, she may have lost interest in you for other reasons. In other words, she's moved on with her life. So while anything is possible, the chances would be quite slim. It's healthier for you to focus on moving with your own life then to hang on to the hope that she is coming back.

[Krakenos]

thanks for the replies

 

The worst are the "if" thoughts.. what if i find out about that guy earlier, what if the distance was less, what if ...

 

I remember last conversation when she said that she want to leave and she hopes nothing will change. I asked her after that day what she thinks about situation, do we have a chance? how long it will last? does she thinks that she will be back? and does she trully wants to be in relationship with me or does she thinks that it will not last long and want to end it now and move on. She said that she thinks that it will be better to be friends.

I think that my words give her excuse and she is not feeling guilty bc of what i said...

 

Why it is always that we think about people who dont care about us.

[Krakenos]

So today it is my ex's birthday and.. it took my 6 months but i dont want to be with her anymore. I sometimes think about her or good times we had together but very rarely. I'm not healed but it is so much better

In my previous posts i wrote that i will ask her about decisions but now i dont care and dont want answers. She is a stranger to me.

 

She send me a christmas wishes.. They were the worst wishes i every had, like she was trying to be polite but didnt know what to wrote. I replied shortly.

 

Anyway.. i thinking about writing birthady's wishes to her but only to be polite.

To be honest i dont feel urge to send it. Do you think that it will be good and polite to write simple "best for you" on fb wall, or i should do nothing ?

[strive]

...but now i dont care and dont want answers. She is a stranger to me.

 

This is good. This is very good. It means you've made great progress in healing. Congrats! *\o/*

 

Also, if you don't feel like greeting her on her birthday, then don't. You're right that it's polite to greet people on their birthdays (everyone on fb does, and some of them sound so fake lol), but you don't owe her anything. You are not obligated to wish her a good birthday.

[Krakenos]

This is good. This is very good. It means you've made great progress in healing. Congrats! *\o/*

 

Thank you It was long and hard road but it was worth it. I can now admit that you all had right: do NC and eventually it will be better