jonny222 Posted December 16, 2004 Posted December 16, 2004 my girlfriend has been distancing herself from me for the last three weeks she has been really busy with school and helping out with her grandpa who had a heart attack.we have only seen each other twice in that time,on monday she finally opened up to me and told me why she has been acting so different,she feels bad and guilty because she doesnt have time to see me and she said that im so dedicated to her and she cant even find the time to show me that she appreciates me ,she told me that she's scared to be in a serious relationship because of the fact that she is so busy ,I can tell she wants to be with me beacuse she is looking months down the road and into next year and said she doesnt want to freak out and then tell me she doesnt think its going to work out (if she gets busy again)and hurt me I told her I understand that shes busy but she still says she feel bad .Anyway she said she want to slow are relationship down ,she still wants to see me and talk,and do things with me but more on a friendship level now ,I am ok with that because I think if she gets past her fear of commitment and knows that ill be there for her no matter what that everything will be back to normal again, Im absolutel crazy about this girl and never have felt this way about anyone before like I do about her and have never chased after a girl because I always said it isnt worth it but this girl is worth it to me,do you think by slowing it down a bit will help her and possibly bring us even closer together in the long run?
savethedrama4allama Posted December 16, 2004 Posted December 16, 2004 It has been my experience that if someone warns you they may hurt you, they're right. Listen to her. Also, I don't believe that one can really be too "busy" for a relationship that they truly want. Its an excuse.
iceisles Posted December 16, 2004 Posted December 16, 2004 Originally posted by savethedrama4yrmama Also, I don't believe that one can really be too "busy" for a relationship that they truly want. Its an excuse. Ain't that the truth. My ex said she needed to focus on school. Bull cr*p. She was pulling a 4.0 all the time we were dating. "I'm busy" is an excuse, and a lame one at that.
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 16, 2004 Posted December 16, 2004 Once you cut through the sweet talk it comes down to this: she doesn't want to be your girlfriend. Period. She's letting you down easy. It sounds like she cares about you, but she doesn't want a romantic relationship with you. Saying that "she hopes you will stay friends" translates roughly into "I hope you won't hate me for breaking your heart." She could be just keeping you around as a back up plan. If you want to continue hanging on, there's no harm in that - but if you want to protect your heart, ask her to tell you the truth about how she feels about you. If she sincerely has no plans on being in a romantic, committed relationship with you in the future, she needs to be honest with you about that. She says that she is your friend. Hopefully she was being serious about that and will be honest and up front with you the way real friends are supposed to.
Author jonny222 Posted December 16, 2004 Author Posted December 16, 2004 I asked her all that allready and she said she that she want to be in a relationship with me and she feels that we could go very far in it but she just needs time for things to calm down in her life ,by the way she takes 18.5 credit hours in college and right now during break shes working form 9 in the morning till 9 at night everyday until after chrismas once school starts again she will have more time even though she takes so many classes but we worked through that last semester and everything was great then
Author jonny222 Posted December 16, 2004 Author Posted December 16, 2004 I myself also think that we started out too fast and things were happening too fast for her she has never been in a serious relationship before so I think I can understand her fear but I think we move along to fast from the first day we met we were seeing each other almost every day and talking almost everyday and she was taking me to meet her grandparents and family too that was happening two weeks after we started seeing each other I just think she may just be freaked out about the whole thing like she said she is
fundamental Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 jonny222, It seems as if you are coming up with excuses to satisfy your brain. Well, you could hang on and accept the "friendship." But what happens if she is still afraid of a serious relationship/busy a year from now? Two years? How long are you willing to wait around? What happens if she is still not ready? Will you resent her for wasting your time? What if she finds someone else? You have to ask yourself these questions. In my opinion, from what you have written, it seems as if she is making excuses. You should accept the friendship and move on--date other girls. Maybe she will realize what you have to offer. If she doesn't care, then you know she isn't into you. fundamental
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