What do I do next?

[AuzGrams]

So I've been kinda unsuccesful with girls, a bit socially awkward for a while, but I think I've changed that quite a bit over the past year... so my friend hooks me up with this girl who's a virgin (as am I, she knows I'm a virgin and I know she is) on a date... and we go to this haunted house and I feel like we do hit it off fairly well... we were holding hands, kissed once, then she was kinda grabbing my chest at the haunted house, and then we go eat, and then we drive them home, I ask for her number and she gives it, then I ask for a kiss goodbye which she does...

 

So we text for a couple weeks because she's really busy with school, I feel like we are hitting it off pretty well with our texts although I think out of the like 14-16 days we texted between dates, she texted first that day like 3-4 times which is kind of weird and maybe a bit telling but anyway... so I got the 2nd date (or real 1st one alone).

 

The date happens, I pick her up, we go go-karting which was sorta my idea, we hit it off decently and she did like to talk a lot, etc etc. Which was cool, we go do our activity of go-karting which was really fun, she acted and seemed interested, so we get back into the car and so I decided to kiss her on the cheek and she acted somewhat uninterested and kinda cold about it, she asks "are you okay?" or something like that... which was weird.

 

We then go see Bad Grandpa, she did seem to still talk and seem interested, the movie was good, we held hands in that and I kinda tried touching her a little bit (not anywhere sexually, just kinda like a messaging lol), we had fun at the movie although she was in a bit of a hurry to run out I thought... we go back to the car and talk for a bit as I am about to drive her home... I then ask her on the way home kind of out of the blue if she was interested in a relationship at all and she basically said no, it was awkwardly silent for a bit, and then when I'm at her house dropping her off, she asks for a kiss goodbye, and then texts me like 45 minutes later saying she had a really great time, etc etc etc. That is REALLY confusing that I ask for a relationship (which I realize was the biggest mistake of this whole story) and then after that she asks for a kiss on the lips.

 

The next day, I kinda talk to her more via text, and then she says that night that she isn't ready for a relationship, and just wants to be friends, and she didn't want to hurt me that wasn't her intention.

 

So I said I was okay with it even though I really wasn't, I decide to kind of be friends with her even though deep down it's kind of getting at me that I don't want to be friends with er.

 

So I've been texting her a bit off and on in the past week and a half, I'm always the first one to text and it's starting to bother me a bit, but she always seems to reply fairly instantly. She still seems a little bit interested and I think there are still SOME feelings there, but not like it was before I asked if she was in a relationship.

 

And to finish up, I basically ask her what's up and stuff last Saturday, then I just completely decide to be stupid and be honest with her.

 

I tell her my feelings that I really do enjoy talking to her, and at the very least I would like to get to know you more. She replies saying that she would like to be friends, maybe it will change, maybe it won't, but that she's sorry if she gave mixed signals or anything.

 

So I told her that I was going to be brutally honest with her that if she isn't interested in me, she can tell me, and I tell her that I did get mixed signals... she replies saying it's not you I am just messed up. And I don't know how you feel.

 

Stupid me, I decide to tell her that she wasn't messed up. She still insists she is and that she didn't mean to give mixed signals she's so sorry. It was shocking when you asked me [to be in a relationship] though.

 

Basically I just told her she wasn't messed up just to be nice and comfort her, even though in all honesty I probably should just been an ***hole and asked her why she has been this way, but whatever...

 

We have been talking a little bit since then (once again me initiating the conversation), but it isn't the same. My friend who is dating one of her friends tells me that she REALLY likes another guy, and my buddy keeps insisting to just keep talking to her as a friend for right now (which I really don't understand why he keeps saying that). But honestly it's to the point where I want to tell her that I don't want to be friends & and I don't want to be strung along as a back-up option basically.

 

I think she is interested in me a little bit, I highly doubt it will develop into anything than just being friends, but I still do feel like there was at least some interest. But she is not really revealing much of herself right now, it seems like she's trying to keep me around as a back-up to a guy she's been liking for a while. But I really don't think she's some guy getter, she's a virgin and I do think she is a very pretty girl, but she isn't actually some bombshell either. I doubt she's been in many relationships. So in some sense I do think I might have scared her off a bit too.

 

I'm really not sure right now. She seems like she still wants me to keep me around as back-up option.

Edited November 7, 2013 by AuzGrams

[Philosoraptor]

If you can handle just being friends, nothing more... then be her friend if you like her as a person. But man, you showed a lot of insecurity and she read that on you. Then you rushed things along without any real signs that it was something she wanted.

 

Yes, you scared her quite a bit and came off way too strong.

[AuzGrams]

Bro, the only reason you think she has "some" interest in you, is because of your EGO. let it go and don't be "friends". She was leading you on and teasing, because she likes the attention. You were building her self esteem, which she lacks against the guy she REALLY likes.

 

You will only hurt yourself if you continue talking to her. Why hurt your self like that? Do you hate your self? Do YOU have low self esteem? not counting your ego getting hurt.

 

There is nothing there, you got "friend zoned". That is a zone you don't want to be and best way to "get out" is to cut her from your life. it is a zone for guys that girls don't get wet for, bro.

 

Stop talking, go full NC, no texts and don't answer if she ever texts 'hey, how are you" bread crumbs, attention whoring texts. Only if it's "hey I want to give us a chance" text.

 

Enjoy life and date others, she is a lost cause.

 

I feel like this is the best advice yet. She is not some player either & is a virgin and I'm guessing the guy she really likes does not like her enough, so she is keeping me around as her back-up option to make her feel good about herself.

 

I don't understand why I got so attached to her and I still am a little bit, but it's getting better by day. She just had a very sweet personality that I liked for some reason... I really don't know.

Edited November 7, 2013 by AuzGrams

[AuzGrams]

I just don't get it. One of my buddies sorta talked to his girlfriend the other day, who is also pretty good friends with this chick, and he keeps telling me to just keep talking to her as a friend, and "don't overthink it". I think that's a bit weird. So I do keep talking to her as a friend because I know I did scare her off a bit and she is a sweet girl with good intentions, and I do kind of want to gain her trust back. But I think it is time to just stop talking to her until she wants to talk to me again.

Edited November 7, 2013 by AuzGrams

[AuzGrams]

Your friends wants you to become an "orbiter" to stick around until your chance is up. Why bother? Do you want to be a place holder? Orbiting around this girl hoping for her highness to throw you a bone? Go find a girl who is crazy about you, forget about this chick, she is nothing special, bro.

 

But it is up to you, just protect your heart and have self respect!

 

Yeah I don't get that advice at all either...