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Losing desire for sex after 3 years

summerluv

By summerluv
in Marriage and Life Partnerships

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summerluv New Member

summerluv

Posted
Posted

Hi, I am new here and I hope I am posting this in the right forum.

 

I've been with my partner for 3 years now (we're both 35) and lately I've been losing my desire for sex. Sex has always been very passionate and frequent for us. He has a very high sex drive and I did too. Lately I've noticed my mind drifting during foreplay - like to things I need to do around the house or what I'm going to make for dinner later! After a few minutes of sex I am unable to continue unless I use lubricant, which I never had to use before. I'm not on any new medications or anything or I don't have a high amount of stress in my life. Our sex life isn't "boring" either - we try new places, positions, etc all the time.

 

What's ironic in a way is that during my previous marriage, I noticed this happening around the 3 year mark too! My sex drive slowly declined and eventually I wanted nothing to do with my husband sexually. I ended up having an affair with a co-worker (who is now my current partner) and my husband and I got a divorce.

 

I love my partner very much and I just want the old feelings back where just touching him turned me on. Is this typical for a relationship after a period of time or do I have a problem? Is there anything I can do about this?

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crederer Established Member

crederer

Posted
Posted

Yah pretty typical for women.

 

All the suggestions I had you claim to have already tried so I dunno...

Mint Sauce Established Member

Mint Sauce

Posted
Posted

What's ironic in a way is that during my previous marriage, I noticed this happening around the 3 year mark too! My sex drive slowly declined and eventually I wanted nothing to do with my husband sexually. I ended up having an affair with a co-worker (who is now my current partner) and my husband and I got a divorce.

 

yeah right. I smell a troll.

 

If not, balance in the universe is restored, nuff said.

f1asr88 Established Member

f1asr88

Posted
Posted
Hi, I am new here and I hope I am posting this in the right forum.

 

I've been with my partner for 3 years now (we're both 35) and lately I've been losing my desire for sex. Sex has always been very passionate and frequent for us. He has a very high sex drive and I did too. Lately I've noticed my mind drifting during foreplay - like to things I need to do around the house or what I'm going to make for dinner later! After a few minutes of sex I am unable to continue unless I use lubricant, which I never had to use before. I'm not on any new medications or anything or I don't have a high amount of stress in my life. Our sex life isn't "boring" either - we try new places, positions, etc all the time.

 

What's ironic in a way is that during my previous marriage, I noticed this happening around the 3 year mark too! My sex drive slowly declined and eventually I wanted nothing to do with my husband sexually. I ended up having an affair with a co-worker (who is now my current partner) and my husband and I got a divorce.

 

I love my partner very much and I just want the old feelings back where just touching him turned me on. Is this typical for a relationship after a period of time or do I have a problem? Is there anything I can do about this?

 

How about another affair with a co-worker? :rolleyes:

shimmychanga Member

shimmychanga

Posted
Posted

I think sex in captivity is difficult. We need space in order to feel desire. One idea is to spend less time together so that you will miss each other, which will fuel your desire.

mike414 New Member

mike414

Posted
Posted

Are you uninterested in sex in general or just with your guy? Sex is like any other primal drive. The idea of eating and drinking probably doesn't get you that excited does it? I wonder if the same can be said of a famine stricken individual in Africa? The point is that once sex or sex with only one person becomes routinely available it is taken for granted and not very exciting. If you are thinking about grocery shopping while he is pumping away then you are bored. It doesn't matter how many positions you try.

 

You can either end the relationship and find what excites you or explore options with your current man. Talk it out with him and let him know that what you guys are doing right now is just not working for you and see if you can't figure out something that will.

dichotomy Established Member

dichotomy

Posted
Posted (edited)

Honestly I do think there are two types of people (men and women) when it comes to sexual desire

 

1) Ones where the desire and arousal is hottest and intense with new and strange and then drops of significantly later. Safe and same and nice don't lead to arousal.

 

2) Ones where the desire (if not pure hotness) grows with intimacy knowing and bonding. I am not saying the sex does not drop a some - but these people are able to keep it simmering nicely forever.

 

There is no right and wrong person to be - it is who you are. But I think people who are type 1's have a very hard time accepting this about themselves and being honest with others. They end up in LTR's or marriages trying to overcome this part of themselves and hurting their partners. Maybe as some of the links above - there are ways for you to rekindle this and keep it going - but not many overcome this. My wife and I are seeing a therapist over something similar as this.

Edited by dichotomy
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