Dundas Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 Nine times out of ten, breaking NC will just hurt you even more and slow down your recovery of moving on. This is the best rule to go by, and most often, you'll just regret breaking this rule. Sometimes, NC is nearly impossible, especially if you have children, or work together, etc. I started a job with my long-term ex right before we had a really bad breakup. She moved on with her current boyfriend right away, but months later, after things calmed down, we've managed to keep in touch and we've remained good friends at work. Only after months of moving on and calming down should you even think about breaking NC. My most recent break-up happed one week ago, I broke up with her. A mutual friend set us up, and all seemed to be good. Our "relationship" only lasted one-month. I felt as if she kept dropping hints that we wouldn't last much longer, so I went ahead and got it over with. She has dated 5 other guys this year, and the longest one lasted just six weeks. She didn't seem to care much, I feel like only I wanted a relationship in the first place. I messaged her briefly the next day, then cut all contact for the next week. Then, our mutual friend was telling me that she (my "ex") was angry at me because she hadn't wanted to break-up. She didn't understand why I had just stopped talking to her completely over one little argument. Apparently, she said some other things that sounded as if she still wanted to be with me and wanted me to try to talk to her. I went against my better judgment and thought maybe I had overreacted. I messaged her on Facebook for a few days. All seemed to be okay, and I got the impression that maybe she wanted to get back together, since she seemed eager to talk to me and the comments she supposedly told our friend. I finally decided to make a move and asked if she wanted to go somewhere later. She quickly turned me down. So now, I'm mad at myself and I feel rejected, even though I was the one to end things in the first place. She denied that she had told our friend she wanted me to talk to her, and was sorry this person "tried to confuse me." I don't think she wanted to be with me in the first place, and I don't know what I was thinking. I think she was probably just angry that I cut her out so quick, and she just wanted to lead me on, so she could turn me down and feel better about herself. We all go through lessons like this, but if you're getting mixed signals and are thinking about breaking NC, I hope you read this and think twice.
Philosoraptor Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 I agree with your post, but think your odds are a bit low. Much greater than 9/10 does breaking NC cause a setback. Very few people are truly happier and relieved after attempting to talk to their ex. It just brings more questions than answers. If they don't message back you wonder why. Are they mad? Do they hate you? Were they having sex with someone else and not able to pick up? If they do respond you read into every word, every tone, and try to find meaning where there is none. Just a total game you play with yourself that sets you back. Ignornace is truly bliss in this case. Sorry you had a rough go at it, hopefully you learned your lesson.
lindsay1990 Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 I agree with your post, but think your odds are a bit low. Much greater than 9/10 does breaking NC cause a setback. Very few people are truly happier and relieved after attempting to talk to their ex. It just brings more questions than answers. If they don't message back you wonder why. Are they mad? Do they hate you? Were they having sex with someone else and not able to pick up? If they do respond you read into every word, every tone, and try to find meaning where there is none. Just a total game you play with yourself that sets you back. Ignornace is truly bliss in this case. Sorry you had a rough go at it, hopefully you learned your lesson. I agree. If what I know is devastating enough, I CAN'T EVEN with what I don't.
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