raph Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 If you can spare a few minutes to read my story and offer an opinion I would greatly appreciate it. I'll try and keep it as brief as possible. Background: 10 months ago I broke up with my girlfriend. It was a great long distance relationship of 2 years. She broke it off because I wouldn't give her the commitment she pressured me to give her. Essentially, I didn't know if she was "the one" for so she broke it off and found someone else. Our breakup was quite painful for me. Not long after she was in a new relationship I changed my mind about my feelings for her. Not only was she in a relationship but she enforced somewhat NC on me which made me miss her and see the value of her and 'us'. While over the last 10 months she has broken up 3 times with her current bf and 'explored' things with me - it always ends up her going back to him. When she used NC on me it was very painful. In hindsight I would of rather her fully enforce NC, but she didn't. She didn't talk to me on the phone for 6 months as I begged and pleaded for reconciliation and a second chance. Instead we emailed & whatsapp'ed. So was only part no contact. Due to our long distance relationship whatsapp was always our number 1 communication channel. There has been a lot that has gone on over the last 10 months. Nasty things have been said on both sides. However, most recently in my pitiful state I state I bought a romantic trip to Europe, she cancelled saying to never talk to her again, we did 1 month NC, she missed me, after that broke up with her bf to 'explore' with me again, she want back to her city got back together with him for 4th time. I gave up, went NC and have been making myself move on ever since. I am currently on Day 35 of NC. On day 1 the situation was she was committed to new boyfriend and we where going to talk again in 10 years so or whatever she said. As the days have passed it seems like her interest levels have slowly risen again. She reinstalled whatsapp around day 20 logging in once or twice a day. Then she would put a photo on it for me to see. Then she has been logging in more and more frequently to see if she has been unblocked. It seems like after the one month mark her interest level rose even higher and now she is logging in 15+ times a day to see if she has been unblocked. Question What is going on here? Yes I know she is missing me but is it breadcrumbs or is it more? Essentially I waited around for 8 months for her to figure things out. We explored our relationship 3 times in those 8 months and she decided she wanted to be with the other guy. We have already had a previous 1 month NC so she knows what life would be like without me in it. So why is she doing this? Is it because she knows I check the app for when she logged on last etc and is playing with me, trying to keep me trapped? Is it because she is having a change of heart? All of this hasn't translated in her calling or emailing? I think she is just bored at work and wants some attention......basically she wants her relationship and then me around for attention - I don't know how she will react when it finally sinks home this time is different for her. This is the longest we haven't talked in 3 years. Please help me understand. And please take into account that I have read the forums, and I know how I am acting is wrong - please do not leave me comments like "NC is not checking up on and some silly app" "It doesn't matter what she does NC is about you" - I know that. I would appreciate answers on why she is acting this way, especially now after her decisions to be with someone else? And what do you think her actions will be going forward and how I should respond? Much Thanks.
aaron11892 Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 I think you're looking into this way too much. How can you know that she keeps logging in just to see if you have unblocked her? She could be talking to other people for all you know.
Chi townD Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 "Please help me understand. And please take into account that I have read the forums, and I know how I am acting is wrong - please do not leave me comments like "NC is not checking up on and some silly app" "It doesn't matter what she does NC is about you" - I know that. I would appreciate answers on why she is acting this way, especially now after her decisions to be with someone else? And what do you think her actions will be going forward and how I should respond? Much Thanks." LOL! Love it when people come on here looking for advice but dictate what they want to hear. Are you part of the American Government? Okay, I'll go by your rules. Why is she checking that App? Simple, and you already know the answer. She curious. Nothing more. She wants to see if you're moving on with your life or if your still a sobbing bag of goo since she left. Nothing more than that. Because if she REALLY wanted to contact you, I can think about 10 DIFFERENT ways to achieve that. And I suppose that's not happening, is it? SO, hears the part you don't want to read. Stay on course with NC.
strive Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 She's probably looking for a way to make contact and string you along again (the way she's been stringing you along all this time). Maybe.
aybc123 Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 im not sure why you think shes logging in to see if youve unblocked her, maybe shes just texting other people? surely if you can see her logging in then she can see you so knows you havent got her blocked? or does it not work like that? im not very familiar with whatsapp.
Author raph Posted November 7, 2013 Author Posted November 7, 2013 I think you're looking into this way too much. How can you know that she keeps logging in just to see if you have unblocked her? She could be talking to other people for all you know. I know for a fact that I am the only person she uses whatsapp for and that she does not use it for anybody else. Often during breakup she deletes it for a while, then reinstalls it to snoop. On her contact list I'm the only one she is messaging with it.
chir Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 Hey raph...I understand you..because we use whatapps alot in my part of the world. I know people will be telling you.. she might not be checking on your online status. She might be talking to others. .there is the advise I got From my friends back then... and in my heart I will be like. You people dont understand. He is checking on me, this is the way we show We miss each other by checking on each other every 15mins. You and I are most probably correct. They are most probably checking on us. However, the replies u got earlier is correct too.. if she miss u she will have call. Nothing will have stop her.except herself. Just like when you miss her, you called and begged and make Real contact to get her back. I can only guess, you go back so often, so readily. She miss the security of someone who Will bt there for her. It boost her ego, make her feel more confident. There is really no other way. NC not only by not app sing her. NC by not looking at her online status. If need to delete ur whatapps.. It will make you uncomfortable, sad .... but trust me you will feel better and empowered and you will really see her for who she really is. Now you are clouded by your hurt, ,anxiety. Gain back the control and you will see the truth. 1
Author raph Posted November 7, 2013 Author Posted November 7, 2013 " LOL! Love it when people come on here looking for advice but dictate what they want to hear. Are you part of the American Government? Okay, I'll go by your rules. Why is she checking that App? Simple, and you already know the answer. She curious. Nothing more. She wants to see if you're moving on with your life or if your still a sobbing bag of goo since she left. Nothing more than that. Because if she REALLY wanted to contact you, I can think about 10 DIFFERENT ways to achieve that. And I suppose that's not happening, is it? SO, hears the part you don't want to read. Stay on course with NC. Haha thanks for that. Made me laugh. I was a sobbing bag of goo for a while lol. Thanks for advice. You are right it isn't happening ...... no other form of contact.
Author raph Posted November 7, 2013 Author Posted November 7, 2013 She's probably looking for a way to make contact and string you along again (the way she's been stringing you along all this time). Maybe. This is what I actually really believe. I think she is being very selfish in her decision making process. Every time in the past I have hinted at moving on she has broken up with the boyfriend, led me on a little, then got back together. With words like...i love you but not in love with you, i don't have answers, i don't know what i want etc etc.
Author raph Posted November 7, 2013 Author Posted November 7, 2013 im not sure why you think shes logging in to see if youve unblocked her, maybe shes just texting other people? surely if you can see her logging in then she can see you so knows you havent got her blocked? or does it not work like that? im not very familiar with whatsapp. When I went in NC i blocked her on my phone, from texting, and on whatsapp. I haven't changed it since I started. Since she is blocked she can't see when I am online, last logged in, etc - but as I am purposely unblocked on her phone I can see her activities. I am 100% sure she isn't texting or using it for other people.
Emilia Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 When I went in NC i blocked her on my phone, from texting, and on whatsapp. I haven't changed it since I started. Since she is blocked she can't see when I am online, last logged in, etc - but as I am purposely unblocked on her phone I can see her activities. I am 100% sure she isn't texting or using it for other people. This sort of thing is too vague for someone who really wants contact. They call. Block or get rid of the app.
Author raph Posted November 7, 2013 Author Posted November 7, 2013 Hey raph...I understand you..because we use whatapps alot in my part of the world. I know people will be telling you.. she might not be checking on your online status. She might be talking to others. .there is the advise I got From my friends back then... and in my heart I will be like. You people dont understand. He is checking on me, this is the way we show We miss each other by checking on each other every 15mins. You and I are most probably correct. They are most probably checking on us. However, the replies u got earlier is correct too.. if she miss u she will have call. Nothing will have stop her.except herself. Just like when you miss her, you called and begged and make Real contact to get her back. I can only guess, you go back so often, so readily. She miss the security of someone who Will bt there for her. It boost her ego, make her feel more confident. There is really no other way. NC not only by not app sing her. NC by not looking at her online status. If need to delete ur whatapps.. It will make you uncomfortable, sad .... but trust me you will feel better and empowered and you will really see her for who she really is. Now you are clouded by your hurt, ,anxiety. Gain back the control and you will see the truth. Thank you for your message. That's why I posted on this forum. So many engaging people from different backgrounds. I think it would be hard for other people to relate the power of these small things, especially in long distance relationships. It has always been a way to show affection and be in contact. Its a hard habit to break. I fully agree with you that it would be best to delete the app. Sadly I also use it for staying in touch with colleagues around the world so it's not an option for me. So when I do use it I find it hard not to snoop at when she's checking etc. I think that is something that will come in time as I keep distancing myself.
Emilia Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 I fully agree with you that it would be best to delete the app. Sadly I also use it for staying in touch with colleagues around the world so it's not an option for me. So when I do use it I find it hard not to snoop at when she's checking etc. I think that is something that will come in time as I keep distancing myself. Can you block her?
Author raph Posted November 7, 2013 Author Posted November 7, 2013 she is already blocked and has been blocked the whole time. Also blocked on my phone from calling, texting, etc
Emilia Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 she is already blocked and has been blocked the whole time. Also blocked on my phone from calling, texting, etc Then delete the app. Find other means to keep in touch with your colleagues. Your private life and sanity are more important than work.
chir Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 I used to check on him. To ease the pain, when I saw his last online is minutes ago. I feel great knowing he is missing me.. and when his last online is hours ago. I was like .. damn he gotten over me.. it is painful that even nc he can Pass on this 'rejection' still. And I keep looking fwd to the ring tone, the notification . hoping it is him msging me. Thats why I can understand why u block her..to take control because you know Whichever msg which came in is not going to be her. When I finally reinstall my whatapps. I find myself checking on him less often and bearable even if he is not online for long. The sense of rejection is lesser and now I eventually stop checking on him for days. Because I know the status shown might hurt me. Just like u will not put your hands into the fire because you know its going to hurt you And there is no enjoyment in putting ur hands into the fire. So u will not even think of doing that. The last I checked mine days ago.. his status goes like this ' dont cry because it is over, smile because it happened' this is enough for me to ask him to f off. I break off with him because he didn't choose to be with me. N me only. And putting this status hurts me. But I know he dont deserve any attention from me.so I am going nc. Nc by out of my life and whatapps. I know how whatapps can keep a stronghold on you. But it is nothing but a communication tools. Remember if she wants you. Nothing will stop her.
Author raph Posted November 7, 2013 Author Posted November 7, 2013 I used to check on him. To ease the pain, when I saw his last online is minutes ago. I feel great knowing he is missing me.. and when his last online is hours ago. I was like .. damn he gotten over me.. it is painful that even nc he can Pass on this 'rejection' still. And I keep looking fwd to the ring tone, the notification . hoping it is him msging me. Thats why I can understand why u block her..to take control because you know Whichever msg which came in is not going to be her. When I finally reinstall my whatapps. I find myself checking on him less often and bearable even if he is not online for long. The sense of rejection is lesser and now I eventually stop checking on him for days. Because I know the status shown might hurt me. Just like u will not put your hands into the fire because you know its going to hurt you And there is no enjoyment in putting ur hands into the fire. So u will not even think of doing that. The last I checked mine days ago.. his status goes like this ' dont cry because it is over, smile because it happened' this is enough for me to ask him to f off. I break off with him because he didn't choose to be with me. N me only. And putting this status hurts me. But I know he dont deserve any attention from me.so I am going nc. Nc by out of my life and whatapps. I know how whatapps can keep a stronghold on you. But it is nothing but a communication tools. Remember if she wants you. Nothing will stop her. Yes, I know exactly what you are going through. It is amazing how much something so trivial like whatsapp evolves into such an important part of keep the relationship alive or making it over. Over the last 10 months when she has been seeing her new boyfriend she always kept whatsapp as our communication channel. She would go into work talk to me on it, then when she was with her boyfriend turn off the notifications so he wouldn't find out. It really hurt me, as I was sitting there still wanting to talk to her - but it wasn't getting through knowing that at that point of time she was with someone else. For me, whatsapp is such an issue in part because of the pain it caused me during this period. I know its very easy for people to say, never been plan b, never put up this behavior, etc etc but it is hard after u spent a few good years together to make yourself give up. Now I have given up. I know I won't ever go back again and try or give it another go. I don't want to talk to her and if she did call me I would not talk. She pushed me away so much because she could at that time. So yes, I agree I will never be plan b again. Bad habits die hard though and there is still a small part of me that is interested to see what she is up to and how she is reacting - maybe part of me wants to see her crumble like she did to me?. I can see that reaction happening on whatsapp - and thats why it's a hard habit to break . I can see her checking it 15 times a day and I know it's over me. Deleting the app isn't an option for me. All I can do is block and try and check as little as possible.
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