UnkeysMunkle Posted December 16, 2004 Posted December 16, 2004 i'm still a newbie, and mostly a reader on here... but i've seen some great replys from some people, and was wondering if you all could help me with this. I've been with my girlfriend for 1.5 years. I love her more than anything else in the world. I've done everything you could possibly think of for her. All of my friends noticed that when i started dating her i changed into a better person (leaving drugs behind me). I even passed up my number one choice school to live down here because she couldn't handle the long distance relationship. So the problem is... one day she just decided that she didn't know who she was anymore, after she started hanging out with a different group of friends. She still tells me that she loves me and all that, and we're still together... but she says she needs space because she doesn't know what she wants in life. She doesn't know what she wants to do about us either. See, she's only had 2 boyfriends, and i'm the one she lost her virginity too, and was pretty much her first everything else. So she's emotionally attached as well. But she says that she wants to experience different guys, not in a sexual manner, but as in going on dates to the movies, or dinner, for example. I told her that she can't have her cake and eat it too. She would have to break up with me to do this, and if we broke up we would not get back together, simply because after the first time it is so much easier to do it the second time, and i dont want to hurt myself more than i already am. I have my limits, despite how much i love her. I am hurting very badly because i know this new group of friends she hangs with, which is mostly guys. I used to hang out with them in high school. They are losers with no future, Hardcore drug pushers, and treat girls like they are just here for sex. She tells me she just needs her space to figure things out. I mean, she doesn't even make any time for me anymore. And i've been giving her the space to feel free, but also i let her know i still care. This has been going on for almost 3 months now, and it doesn't look like there's any end in sight. So since i can't be waiting around forever i started hanging out with my friends more. And also i started hanging out with my ex-girlfriend. And this makes my girlfriend very jelouse (but i'm never alone with her, and always in public places just out of respect of my girlfriend.). I'm very confused and dont know what to do. I love her with all my heart, and i dont want to lose her. I'm afraid of the thought of her with another guy, someone just useing her for sex, and someone who wont care for her as much as i do. I just plain dont want to lose her. I'm willing to do whatever it takes... but i dont know what it'll take. Anyone ever experience this, or something like this? Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Pocky Posted December 16, 2004 Posted December 16, 2004 Each of us has a responsibility to ourselves to be true to our nature and strive for the goals we have set for ourselves. It is possible that your girlfriend feels as though there is a part of life that she hasn't allowed herself to experience and has made the decision to follow that route. Unfortunately, this path isn't conducive to a relationship with you and the fair thing to do would be for her to end the relationship. While I understand you care very deeply for your girlfriend it would be wrong if you to stand in her way of personal exploration and it would be wrong for her to stand in your way of personal exploration. If she is firm in her decision that she needs to experience life without the constraints of this relationship then the relationship needs to end. You both should be moving forward in life and no one should be forced to stand still for long periods of time while the other answers their own personal questions. End the relationship. Tell her to find herself. Tell her you'll be finding yourself, too. And maybe one day when you both have become the people you want to become maybe you'll meet up again and the magic will still be there.
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