How can I sort this out?

[Redd85]

Ok, me and my girlfriend are both mid 30's we have been together about a year and a half now. She has two children from a previous relationship where the guy cheated. She thought she would never meet anyone after the break down of her divorce so she was really happy to meet me, someone she can love and trust again.

 

The last 6 months our relationship hasn't really progressed much as she has a very busy work life so we've only been seeing each other 1-2 times a week. This has been fine with me as seeing her a couple of times a week is better than none. When we are together things are always really good. We have not had an arguments or any problems the whole year and a half of the relationship.

 

About a month ago however she was being weird with me, i tried texting her to arrange to meet her and she said she had plans with her friends so couldn't see me. This was a bit out of character so I asked her if there was anything wrong to which she just replied that she was stressed with work. However the weirdness continued for a couple of days, I asked her around for a chat and when she came around she was totally fine. I put it down to stress at work. I know for a fact that she did spend this weekend with her friends so I can rule out another guy here. We were then fine again for the next couple of weeks.

 

Last week however she ignored a couple of texts that I sent her. I asked her what was wrong and she phoned me saying she wasn't happy. She said she feels the relationship is going nowhere and that she just wants to spend time with her children. She also feels we dont do enough things together and that she is struggling to find the time for me. She also feels that I don't get along with the children, who to be honest, I could have made more of an effort with. She was not prepared to work things out or let me make any changes, just end the relationship.

 

I then texted a couple of hours later after taking everything in and asked her if we could not be so hasty and take a couple of weeks apart and see if we can work things out. She agreed to this but said that she can't be in a relationship she isn't happy in and that her and her children come as a package.

 

Obviously I can't be 100% sure there isn't another guy but there has been no indication of strange facebook activity or texting etc. Also she works from home a lot and and the rest of the time is with me or the children so i doubt there can be another guy.

 

There have been no indactions of any problems when we have been together, in fact quite the contrary.

 

Why did she feel the need to end the relationship without even trying to talk things through?

 

What can I say to her in two weeks to change her mind?

Edited November 7, 2013 by Redd85

[lindsay1990]

I wouldn't jump the gun and think there is another guy.

 

From what you write it sounds to me that she is legitimately overwhelmed between work, kids and relationship.

 

As for what she said about progressing and her kids and her coming as a package, I think she feels either her kids are not ready to handle you more steadily in her life or that you can't handle being a more steady figure in their life.

 

There is nothing you can do to change this, nor should you. If she is thinking about her kids, it could be anything as the kids simply not liking you or not warming up to you as she would have hoped in this time. Whatever the reason this woman has to put her kids first and if she can't see you all together happily, then she is right to step away.

 

At the end of the day, you aren't just considering adults who can compromise and accommodate for the sake of the romantic relationship. These are children who can't be expected to make extra concessions they might not be ready for, or adjust even more than they have had to just so their Mom can make it work with her boyfriend.

 

She doesn't have to try to talk things out simply because her children come before you, her relationship and even HERSELF so if they're not feeling it or she's not feeling you for them, that's more than sufficient reason.

 

Their comfort and their stability is rightfully this woman's concern. I would suggest not trying to change her mind, which will only make her feel guilty and I'm sure she feels enough caught in the middle so may be best to just gracefully accept her decision and start moving on.

[Redd85]

Thanks, it's good to hear someone else's view on this.

I am going to give her a couple of weeks space. Then I will get in contact and will suggest that I start being more involved with her children. If she doesn't agree to that i will leave it