What's the most drastic thing

[Riou]

You did after a break up?

[AlmostFrench]

He sped off in his car night before my birthday and I chased him crying. Wow now THAT is a flashback that makes me cringe! I wonder now why I cared so much, he was and still is a massive loser, I was young obviously haha!

[Philosoraptor]

Jumped out of an airplane. Pretty much made a bucket list and started crossing things off. My life was going to get better, not worse, because of a breakup.

[strive]

Got a tattoo. Not pretty drastic since I'm only on 1 month post bu. But I do plan on doing some drastic (and naughty) things once I get back out there.

[lindsay1990]

Beg, cry, pitch the relationship, pleade, yes like on my knees on the floor throwing up, just basically lose my sh*t completely. For over 3 weeks. Follow ex inside the apt, follow him in the street arguing, practically not letting him go to work.

 

Worst of all I think?

 

One day I had to pick up some transcripts and we were in the parking lot of the building where I needed to go, and it started pouring so we sat in the car. I had been told I couldn't get transcripts instantly or in person but instead the only option was to get them mailed after a formal request. This would tale 3-5 business days even though I was right there in the building where they would make them. This terrified me because I was moving out of ex's apt, to leave the country (go back home) after being dumped and I could just not BEAR to have to stay a full week more (this was a Friday). So I left the building softly crying, didn't make a scene or anything,was told the actual person in charge wasn't there yet but they'd be back in an hour, I think they said that because I shaken-voice-ed mumbled that it was an emergency and needed to leave, obviously they could tell something was very wrong.

 

Anyway, I go back out to the car where my ex is waiting and I'm crying because of that, mind you, not in a rage at all, just crying and saying what they told me and sobbing saying I just want to go home and ex just sits there. On his phone, texting or reading news or whatever. I don't know. It starts to pour like the sky broke open. Ex's indifference just made me feel so much more humiliated and I just sat there in the car sobbing for forty minutes while my ex acted annoyed and did whatever on his phone, not even a "there, there", a hug or anything. No comfort whatsoever. I called him out on how he could be so indifferent and he would say nothing, I crying and asked why he could just be on his phone so he got annoyed and put his phone down and just stared at the window, said something about having been warned that my crying was just me trying to manipulate him and I...... LOOOOOOOOSSSSTTTTT IT. I was hysterical in the car. Did not get aggressive or anything, just kind of sobbed out something about me being a person and not a monster, that HE was the monster out of the both of us with his indifference (Yeah I knoooow) anyway, I went into a frenzy, started having throw-up cough, like hacking, and i was wearing a dress and in matter of seconds I don't know why like I said I lost my shht I just scratched all the top of my knees till blood was under my nails and then I just kind of stopped.

 

I don't know why I did that it had just been three long weeks of abuse and gaslighting and fighting and indifference, I can't explain it but it was pretty drastic to say the least. Probably downright traumatizing. For the both of us.

 

Eventually I went back into the building, spoke to the lady and she said there was no exceptions and asked what my so-called emergency was and I said my boyfriend had dumped me a month after moving in, that I had no place to go, that my family was in another country and I wanted to get out of the apartment but I couldn't leave town/country until I had my transcripts in hand. She printed them out on the spot. Maybe all the smeared mascara and puffy eyes and bloody legs did the trick.

 

As for ex? Dropped me off, said no words. I left the following Tuesday, thank God.

[AnyaNova]

This still makes me cringe that I did this.

 

There were several issues/ family systems issues/ and the fact that given his facial expression while holding the bear that he bought to bring to class for the kindergartners and telling me about it, that despite everything he told me before, he hadn't disliked teaching, and in fact enjoyed it immensely. I think that his parents probably convinced him that he didn't enjoy if, and now he nearly has his CPA and works a desk job.

 

But anyway, because we lived in different towns and he'd never met any of my friends, and I think I knew in my gut that he was just done, and was never going to contact me, I posted this long thing on Facebook for him to read, so he could think about the issues.

 

I did it because I cared about him and wanted him to really think about the importance of his own needs and wants, but it was way too personal and public.

 

In my defense, at the time I was horrifically sleep deprived, on top of your usual post relational end "crazy."

 

But to this day I fear that it is why he won't respond. That now he views me as crazy and untrustworthy and hates me for doing that. And so much of the stupid post was speculative. I had some evidence ,but not enough to be certain.

 

Not that being right would justify it either.

[JDPT]

Haven't done anything drastic yet, stay tuned. However, the first time she broke up with me oh I just had a death wish. I'm not going back to that place again, making smarter decisions.

[lindsay1990]

This still makes me cringe that I did this.

 

There were several issues/ family systems issues/ and the fact that given his facial expression while holding the bear that he bought to bring to class for the kindergartners and telling me about it, that despite everything he told me before, he hadn't disliked teaching, and in fact enjoyed it immensely. I think that his parents probably convinced him that he didn't enjoy if, and now he nearly has his CPA and works a desk job.

 

But anyway, because we lived in different towns and he'd never met any of my friends, and I think I knew in my gut that he was just done, and was never going to contact me, I posted this long thing on Facebook for him to read, so he could think about the issues.

 

I did it because I cared about him and wanted him to really think about the importance of his own needs and wants, but it was way too personal and public.

 

In my defense, at the time I was horrifically sleep deprived, on top of your usual post relational end "crazy."

 

But to this day I fear that it is why he won't respond. That now he views me as crazy and untrustworthy and hates me for doing that. And so much of the stupid post was speculative. I had some evidence ,but not enough to be certain.

 

Not that being right would justify it either.

 

 

I'm sorry to say I can relate to this on the other end. Did not happen as a Facebook post but my ex definitely aired out all our dirty laundry, and not just about the relationship but even speculating about myself.

He would discuss with his parents, siblings and friends "what I had done", and they would say I was controlling and insecure, and he would throw in things about my relationship with my parents, he decided that I had a personality disorder, etc. I mean, I DIDflip out but once I was at my wit's end, you know? Of course I reacted and got emotional when shht went down. So I definitely feel that I was put under the scrutiny of people that I had met a handful of times and it was THE single most traumatic, horrifying experience of my relationship with the guy.

 

I'm no saying your ex feels this way, but since we are honest and not enablers here, I would have to say that in my case that is the reason I will never speak to my ex again. Not only because I can't trust him to keep things to himself, and not vent/seek validation from others, but also because I can't trust him not to judge me. I felt that everything I was ever vulnerable about the guy was like analyzing and sizing me up for sanity or for adequacy, you know?

 

When someone does that all you think is: "Well, you know what, let's say I do have all these issues but.... I have 99 and a bitch like you ain't one" see what I mean?

 

I don't want to project this on you, and say that that's what happened, but since you are so self-aware of how awful it was I can tell you I can confirm that and if you haven't apologized, then I think you should because that can really eff somebody's trust up.

 

In my personal case, I didn't feel or will ever feel comfortable saying anything to my ex again and that's why I rather dropped of the face of the Earth

[Never Again]

Emotionally drastic? Cried at the closure talk 4 days post-BU (note to others, never ever have one of these). Not sobs, and not uncontrollable, but tears flowed while I explained how I felt and that I wanted to work things out. Never begged or pleaded, but I still let my feelings get the best of me and looked weak.

 

 

Most drastic overall? In the months following the breakup I went:

- Skydiving

- Ziplining

- Hiking

- Rock Climbing

- Mountain Climbing

- Hot Air Ballooning

 

Many of these were things I had planned to do with the ex (surprised I had planned for the summer that she never knew about...), but I wasn't going to let the BU ruin my fun.

[lindsay1990]

Anya, I don't want you to feel extra guilty so let's say yeah, it was the the second most traumatic part of it. the first was obviously being told "all about myself" and how i was bad, abusive, destructive, mean, etc. But this is hard to separate from the judgment on his part. The worst part is definitely being told you are a messed up person and having your issues basically listed at you. Close second is having everybody hear about it because it's part having everybody judge you, and on top of that it's like having everybody only hear the other side of the story. So it's humiliating and brutally unfair. In my case. Again. Not projecting, just relating with my experience.

[AnyaNova]

Anya, I don't want you to feel extra guilty so let's say yeah, it was the the second most traumatic part of it. the first was obviously being told "all about myself" and how i was bad, abusive, destructive, mean, etc. But this is hard to separate from the judgment on his part. The worst part is definitely being told you are a messed up person and having your issues basically listed at you. Close second is having everybody hear about it because it's part having everybody judge you, and on top of that it's like having everybody only hear the other side of the story. So it's humiliating and brutally unfair. In my case. Again. Not projecting, just relating with my experience.

 

The thing is, is I wasn't trying to make it like he was crazy or the issues were his fault. His parents and family, I am sure are largely to blame here.

 

The difference too is, your ex was doing it to hurt you and make himself look better. He was being an abusive jerk.

 

I, not that this makes it right, was honestly acting out of love and care for him. I didn't want to see him sacrifice anymore of himself on the altar of his parents' wishes and unfilled needs.

[AnyaNova]

P.s- because we were in NC, as soon as I realized, a couple hours later, I took it down and replaced it with an apology.

 

God. Now I really am terrified that that is why he won't respond to me.

:-(!!!

[lindsay1990]

P.s- because we were in NC, as soon as I realized, a couple hours later, I took it down and replaced it with an apology.

 

God. Now I really am terrified that that is why he won't respond to me.

:-(!!!

 

 

 

Don't be terrified. If you apologized and he knew it was heartfelt, it's okay. At least I would be.

 

Can I send you a PM so as not to threadjack?

[AnyaNova]

Don't be terrified. If you apologized and he knew it was heartfelt, it's okay. At least I would be.

 

Can I send you a PM so as not to threadjack?

 

Of course.

[toolforgrowth]

Truthfully....?

 

Had sex in a variety of public places. Almost got caught by the cops once too. As in, they were shining that big light on us while we were in the back seat. I'd call that a showstopper.

 

My ego was totally destroyed by my ex wife, and I wanted to reclaim that big time. This was a way for me to be risky, daring, and spontaneous while having sex with a woman who was a thousand times prettier than my ex wife. I figured it was the best of both worlds.

 

Until that light shined on us.

 

I am never, EVER doing that again. And I'm no longer seeing that lady...thankfully.

[crederer]

Well one ex, from when I was around 19 or 20, cheated on me. I made a post on facebook something like "You can take the slut out of *town name she's from* but you can't take the slut out of the slut". I left that up for like a week and she was begging for me to take that down. I've since realized making emotional posts on facebook is not all that cool of a thing to do. It made me feel better in the moment, though.

 

My most recent ex, to be brutally honest I've become extremely emotional at the drop of a hat which is way out of character for me. I'm still like that and it's been like 7 months. It's embarassing for me to even post that here as an anonymous person.

 

Been drinking too much as well. I haven't exactly taken a positive trajectory from it. That being said, there are a ton of other issues going on in my personal life that are just as wrenching as the break up so I can't say for certain it's all due to that, but that was the first chip to fall.

[Fufu]

I cried a lot and didn't eat and sleep for weeks. Glad I survived this haha

[Haydn]

When she dropped me i went to the pub with mates, got trollyed. Texted nice things then not so nice things. Had 10 pints a large donor kebab. Tried to provoke the locals in Brixton (Very bad idea) Taxi home, bed. Morning what the ....have i done. Not my greatest few hours.

[lindsay1990]

P.s- because we were in NC, as soon as I realized, a couple hours later, I took it down and replaced it with an apology.

 

God. Now I really am terrified that that is why he won't respond to me.

:-(!!!

 

oh, jeez I had read this wrong.

 

I think you should probably have deleted it and called or emailed privately with an apology. But I guess an apology is an apology either way. I mean, the awkwardness was already there with it being on FB but maybe you can still delete it now? Just so it's not THERE. couldn't hurt right?

[Mariposa10]

Beg, cry, pitch the relationship, pleade, yes like on my knees on the floor throwing up, just basically lose my sh*t completely. For over 3 weeks. Follow ex inside the apt, follow him in the street arguing, practically not letting him go to work.

 

Worst of all I think?

 

One day I had to pick up some transcripts and we were in the parking lot of the building where I needed to go, and it started pouring so we sat in the car. I had been told I couldn't get transcripts instantly or in person but instead the only option was to get them mailed after a formal request. This would tale 3-5 business days even though I was right there in the building where they would make them. This terrified me because I was moving out of ex's apt, to leave the country (go back home) after being dumped and I could just not BEAR to have to stay a full week more (this was a Friday). So I left the building softly crying, didn't make a scene or anything,was told the actual person in charge wasn't there yet but they'd be back in an hour, I think they said that because I shaken-voice-ed mumbled that it was an emergency and needed to leave, obviously they could tell something was very wrong.

 

Anyway, I go back out to the car where my ex is waiting and I'm crying because of that, mind you, not in a rage at all, just crying and saying what they told me and sobbing saying I just want to go home and ex just sits there. On his phone, texting or reading news or whatever. I don't know. It starts to pour like the sky broke open. Ex's indifference just made me feel so much more humiliated and I just sat there in the car sobbing for forty minutes while my ex acted annoyed and did whatever on his phone, not even a "there, there", a hug or anything. No comfort whatsoever. I called him out on how he could be so indifferent and he would say nothing, I crying and asked why he could just be on his phone so he got annoyed and put his phone down and just stared at the window, said something about having been warned that my crying was just me trying to manipulate him and I...... LOOOOOOOOSSSSTTTTT IT. I was hysterical in the car. Did not get aggressive or anything, just kind of sobbed out something about me being a person and not a monster, that HE was the monster out of the both of us with his indifference (Yeah I knoooow) anyway, I went into a frenzy, started having throw-up cough, like hacking, and i was wearing a dress and in matter of seconds I don't know why like I said I lost my shht I just scratched all the top of my knees till blood was under my nails and then I just kind of stopped.

 

I don't know why I did that it had just been three long weeks of abuse and gaslighting and fighting and indifference, I can't explain it but it was pretty drastic to say the least. Probably downright traumatizing. For the both of us.

 

Eventually I went back into the building, spoke to the lady and she said there was no exceptions and asked what my so-called emergency was and I said my boyfriend had dumped me a month after moving in, that I had no place to go, that my family was in another country and I wanted to get out of the apartment but I couldn't leave town/country until I had my transcripts in hand. She printed them out on the spot. Maybe all the smeared mascara and puffy eyes and bloody legs did the trick.

 

As for ex? Dropped me off, said no words. I left the following Tuesday, thank God.

 

I'm sorry you had to go through all that, it's all in the past now <3

[crederer]

When she dropped me i went to the pub with mates, got trollyed. Texted nice things then not so nice things. Had 10 pints a large donor kebab. Tried to provoke the locals in Brixton (Very bad idea) Taxi home, bed. Morning what the ....have i done. Not my greatest few hours.

 

 

Actually last week I got drunk and texted a bunch of random things to my ex thinking she was some other girl who is just a friend of mine. Nothing raunchy or all that bad but taken out of context it was quite embarassing. i didn't realize until the next day. I remembered sending the texts but thought it was to the friend and didn't get a response. So part way through the day I look at my phone............NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! Can't believe I did that. What the hell was I doing? Such an idiot.

 

Her responses sounded pretty pissed off.

[Mariposa10]

Truthfully....?

 

Had sex in a variety of public places. Almost got caught by the cops once too. As in, they were shining that big light on us while we were in the back seat. I'd call that a showstopper.

 

My ego was totally destroyed by my ex wife, and I wanted to reclaim that big time. This was a way for me to be risky, daring, and spontaneous while having sex with a woman who was a thousand times prettier than my ex wife. I figured it was the best of both worlds.

 

Until that light shined on us.

 

I am never, EVER doing that again. And I'm no longer seeing that lady...thankfully.

 

What do you mean "until that light shined on us"? Literally? so I guess you got caught?

[tjr]

Well luckily i didnt accually do a lot of the things that popped into my head after lol. Most were very self destructive and had no way out once done. I just discovered that my ex blocked me on imessage lol so i sent some random silly things just for my benefit lol. And no i wasnt hurassing him etc, texted him something about work (we work in the same place and extreme lc), instead of walking the store to ask him for help. Didnt go through so i made a little test and that was recieved. So now im debating on sending choice messages, sorta like he will get em but not so its not as damaging on me lol.

[Mariposa10]

I pretty much told my ex I would WAIT FOR HIM TO REALIZE I was the one he should be with. I have no idea what I was thinking. Of course there's no way I would wait for him!!!!

 

When I found out he started talking to another girl and I called him once and he didn't answer. I must've called him like 80 times throughout the night, and sent him again like 20 texts. And guess what? They were hanging out. I'm so ashamed of that because I always criticized people who did that. I never thought I would do that.

 

To summarize: my neediness. Anyway, my coldness at the very end (when I told him to stop calling endearing names) and telling him to leave me alone made up for all that humiliation, I guess.

 

Thanks NC for giving me some of my dignity back!

[lindsay1990]

Thanks for the support, Mariposa

 

 

I pretty much told my ex I would WAIT FOR HIM TO REALIZE I was the one he should be with. I have no idea what I was thinking. Of course there's no way I would wait for him!!!!

 

I want to picture you know cringing/half-smiling in a "what the ridiculousness" way instead of just mortified. I hope you move towards this more, but it's okay you're not the first or the last to say something like this thinking it's super romantic, because we are coming out a place of love so there's nothing to be ashamed of. You loved him and were emotional, there's no shame in that at all. You got desperate because you were clinging to the guy you loved. It's not dignified but I'd rather be this vulnerable than act out in aggression from the beginning, as some people do.

 

When I found out he started talking to another girl and I called him once and he didn't answer. I must've called him like 80 times throughout the night, and sent him again like 20 texts. And guess what? They were hanging out. I'm so ashamed of that because I always criticized people who did that. I never thought I would do that.

 

Been there, at least we're not alone in this one. At least it didn't happen in person if that's any comfort. And again there's nothing to be ashamed of, not something to brag about I think it elicits more sympathy than pity, you know?

 

To summarize: my neediness. Anyway, my coldness at the very end (when I told him to stop calling endearing names) and telling him to leave me alone made up for all that humiliation, I guess.

 

Thanks NC for giving me some of my dignity back!

 

Yay for salvaging something from the humilliation! Definitely don't worry about the waiting for you comment, I think you totally undid that and he's definitely not thinking you're still waiting.

 

I felt similarly when I rejected breadcrumbs, ha. Like "No, I will not accept these breadcrumbs and I'm not only disregarding but I am wrapping them up in some FFCK YOU and sending it back so you can shove it, BECAUSE YOU'RE HORRIBLE. That's right, and stay away from me. Good luck with your life". Ha.

 

And definitely NC. I think only people like us who really fell low with the pursuing or the begging feel this way about NC. But to me I was never even TEMPTED to break it, I just wanted some more NC to recover some face (since I didn't save any). NC saved my life, and I'm suuuuure ex was surprised that I had the balls to pull through with it.

 

Unless of course he's found this site and discovered me. In which case FFCK YOU STILL AND FOREVER and your stupid family too.

Edited November 7, 2013 by lindsay1990