Shosh Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 do you call them out on it or just let it go? Imagine you have been dating someone for a few weeks, been on a couple dates, were in daily contact initiated by both for a month, made out regularly and even had sex once (not on the last date). Then after the last date, the other person never contacts you again and does not reply to the message you send them. You see them online, so you know they are not lying dead in a ditch somewhere. Do you A) assume they don't want to see you anymore and just let it go B) wait a week or so and send them a message just saying 'hi' C) wait a week or so and contact them asking what happened D) ... (If it matters, we are both in our 30ies, straight and I am the woman)
MrCastle Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 I don't go out and verbally shun them. I let them disappear. They have made an enemy for life. If ever our paths were to cross in person again, you can bet I will confront them
imjustagirl215 Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 you send a quick message saying hi and then accept they have made a choice. least you know you tried then
Emilia Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 do you call them out on it or just let it go? Imagine you have been dating someone for a few weeks, been on a couple dates, were in daily contact initiated by both for a month, made out regularly and even had sex once (not on the last date). Then after the last date, the other person never contacts you again and does not reply to the message you send them. You see them online, so you know they are not lying dead in a ditch somewhere. Do you A) assume they don't want to see you anymore and just let it go B) wait a week or so and send them a message just saying 'hi' C) wait a week or so and contact them asking what happened D) ... (If it matters, we are both in our 30ies, straight and I am the woman) It's A) it doesn't matter why he hasn't responded. Move on.
carhill Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 D) ... in my demographic, I presume they went back to their husband or boyfriend and don't assign any significant emotions to the process. For myself, what you described is SOP for women in my demographic, simply because they can. It used to annoy me but, TBH, there are bigger fish in life to fry. If anything, I'd be mildly amused that I let myself get sucked in again, knowing better and all that. YMMV>
KatZee Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 I had this happen to me from a guy in his 30s as well. We were like legit dating for close to two months and all of a sudden *POOF* with absolutely no word or explanation. I never chased after him, didn't contact him, and just let him go. Obviously there are reasons for him pulling this move, and to be so immature and cowardly just showed me what kind of person he was, and that's not the kind of person I want to date. 3
soccerrprp Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 A. You've already texted/called w/o success or response, so move on. In the end, though intriguing and frustrating, it really doesn't matter WHY they stopped contact. Just move on.
colombiana28 Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 definitely A. there is absolutely no reason to continue reaching out to someone when their communication pattern has clearly changed. i'm totally guilty of poofing on guys in the past and can appreciate it when they take a hint without whining about it. i think "onward and upward." obviously if someone has invested a TON emotionally in someone it's damn near impossible for them to just move on without confronting, but i'd never let a guy see me sweat over him.
start at the end Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 How long has it been since the last date?
truth_seeker Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 definitely A. there is absolutely no reason to continue reaching out to someone when their communication pattern has clearly changed. i'm totally guilty of poofing on guys in the past and can appreciate it when they take a hint without whining about it. i think "onward and upward." obviously if someone has invested a TON emotionally in someone it's damn near impossible for them to just move on without confronting, but i'd never let a guy see me sweat over him. I'm guilty of both. Did this recently to a girl I went on a date with. She wanted to see me again, but I just wasn't feeling her. She contacted me and I responded I was doing good but busy. I've learned from flakes that "busy" is one of those universal dating words that means: Go away. She was cool in not asking me to hang out again. What's funny is I've had women tell me they're busy and I would go cold on them only for them to come back to me and ask me if I were available to see them. lol.
truth_seeker Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 i'd never let a guy see me sweat over him. Typical woman - fake it till you make it. I have a female friend who tells me the same thing. "never let them see you sweat."
Author Shosh Posted November 7, 2013 Author Posted November 7, 2013 It seems that most of you think it is best to just let it go and not contact him again. I agree and haven't so far (6 days and counting) but it is really difficult when it comes totally unexpected. Up until the last day we were in frequent daily contact and on our date everything seemed to be fine. He ended it with a passionate kiss and walked me to my door. Though looking back I must admit that I felt something was off when he did not say something like: 'Talk to you later' or made any reference to a future date during our time together. He also never sent me the customary 'after-date' text saying he had a good time. All those things made me feel uneasy, but I hoped I was misreading signs and I sent him a message thanking him for the date and saying I looked forward to seeing him again soon. Crickets. Part of me thinks he replied but I never got his message and now he is wondering why I am not replying, but I find this hard to believe because in the past he would sometimes send me two or even three texts before I had a chance to reply. It sucks, because I thought we had a real connection and I liked most everything about him. How bad would it be if I sent him a quick text over the weekend just saying hi?
d0nnivain Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 A is your best bet because disappearing is simply a passive way of breaking up with you without the politeness of the words. If I'm feeling particularly masochistic, I have ben weak enough do try B . . a quick note to say hi. C has no choice of working because the person is a coward & won't have the guts to tell you. D. . . perhaps I've engaged in revenge fantasies (including bigger, better deal because success is the best revenge) but wasting more energy on people like this is counterproductive.
PutARingOnIt Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 people who just disappear are just cowards and are totally not worthy of your time. how hard is it to just say "i don't think this is going to work out" and keep it moving? the same people who are too cowardly to tell you they aren't interested are the same people who always want people to be upfront and real with them. 2
Lansing Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 Did you meet him through online dating? If so, I would just move on. But, if it was another situation and you knew him at all before or know of his friends/in his social circle I might do a "hey" type message.. As a guy, I have been on the other side of things where the girl I was dating just didn't call me back after I left her a message. I was getting the sense she was losing interest so that message was my last attempt to effort with her and she never responded.
KatZee Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 people who just disappear are just cowards and are totally not worthy of your time. how hard is it to just say "i don't think this is going to work out" and keep it moving? the same people who are too cowardly to tell you they aren't interested are the same people who always want people to be upfront and real with them. Seriously. It's amazing to me to see the amount of people who think it's perfectly acceptable to just vanish into a cloud of smoke with not ONE word. And then to say something like, "I appreciate it when they take a hint" ?? Are we really serious here? How far has dating degraded that cowardly people appreciate when the person they just dicked over "takes a hint?" Grow a damn sack and tell the person you're seeing that you don't want to take it further. 1
truth_seeker Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 people who just disappear are just cowards and are totally not worthy of your time. how hard is it to just say "i don't think this is going to work out" and keep it moving? the same people who are too cowardly to tell you they aren't interested are the same people who always want people to be upfront and real with them. You make a good point. I've done this (just posted it) but it's because of becoming jaded. I used to go out of my way to be polite, tell a woman it won't work, but then after dealing with flakes, you turn around and behave the same way to other women. Is it right? No. I think it's just a product of being jaded over time and thinking: "They're all the same."
truth_seeker Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 When a guy disappears or tells you he is busy, or likes being your friend -- he is NOT into you. It mostly comes down to him having a better option, not finding you physically attractive or thinks your personality is turn off. If he does come back to you after being silent for weeks or even months, his other options didn't work out or he's looking to get laid. 3
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