accepted its over now

[yorkie]

right for the last few days i have been really down i have made alot of posts etc, i now woke up this morning accepting its over and the woman i love and care deeply about does not feel the same for me! yes it hurts but i need to move on! i am now going to try and keep busy! try to think ahead! its hard after 12 and half years and i have two kids to this woman! i know she is confused at this moment in time but she isnt confused about me she said its over! i sadly can not be friends or even speak much to this woman! yes i have to regarding the kids but someone who hurt me so much i can never forgive! i really hope the grass isnt as greener for her! but if it is greener fair play to her she made her choice! and i am now accepting it! i will move on and i will find someone one day who can love me how i want to love them! keep the faith boys n girls! 30th August 2013 since we split and i have tried my best to win her back now im changing im changing for myself and my kids and hopefully i will become that stronger person.

 

Keep the Faith ! change is apparently good!

[faithfully]

I know its easier said than done but you will be fine. Time is a great healer!! You will get there.

 

You have 2 wonderful children who am sure you love dearly. Focus of them!! You are lucky, you have a children. Something i would love to have in life. There are people in worst situation then you r in right now.

 

You will be fine and well done for realising and excepting the break up. We cant make people love us. Chin up and am sure there are loads of women in this world that you will love you back or better then your ex

[yorkie]

thanks faithfully and yes there are people dying in this world etc and i am lucky my ex isnt she doesnt see the kids like i do. yes its gonna be tough but i will move on! this time i was down for 3 days instead of weeks so i will try and think of the positives

[laddie]

That's a good attitude to have Yorkie. I'm kinda in the same boat as you except I don't have my child with me.

Things will get better for you as time passes.

I'm feeling better everyday having got over the initial shock.

I've never begged or pleaded with her which has helped me move on quicker.

Your posts have been a good help to me.

Good luck!

[yorkie]

thanks for that reply i hope i have helped people on this forum cos my head is a shaed again lol, today was a great day until i got off the bus i didnt realise or i forgot my daughter finished at 4.15 and i saw my ex picking the kids up they both came over and gave me a cuddle. i told them to be good and enjoy there time with there mother i saw my ex with her hair down and i thought wow, i said i needed a quick word with there mum and i said something stupid. i said to her i accept we are over but i dont accept the reason why i know she is seeing someone which i dont and i just said i hope they make her happy and i walked on. i regret saying this and i also regret checking her facebook since i got in. i was strong and felt great today and in a blind panic i wrecked my good work but nothing i can do is just move on also after speaking to a female friend at work today i told her i had broken up with the ex and she said it sounds like she the ex doesnt realise what she wants so in a way i feel i have pushed us both further apart. why cant i just ignore her its great when i dont see her its just when i see her i fold its bloody mental. there isnt anyone else i beleive that cos she would of told me. well start the day again it looks like then lol im so stupid i really am

[strive]

yorkie, I always ready your threads because it gives me good insight and advice as to what I should do with my own situation. so thanks for always sharing! (be glad your wife actually spends time with your kids--my ex is a disappointment as a father)

 

be strong! I know you can do it. you're hurting which is why you did that and now you have to start over the healing process again. I hope the next time you meet with her it goes better than today.

[yorkie]

well im just confused to as im sure she is tbh, she says stuff like spending christmas together but i physically and mentally cant and tbh it is giving mixed signal i think to the kids. but i honestly beleive she has made a massive mistake all her family do to and yes im in pain but she might proove everyone wrong. i am moving on though i have a good friend or two which i must be boring about it all to them if that makes sense

[strive]

she's confusing you with her confusion. @_@

 

don't allow yourself to get stringed along. while it probably isn't her intention, it's still what's happening.

 

good luck!

[yorkie]

yes your right and tbh i am not 100% sure id have her back even if she did want to come back because i have now realised the pain and hurt she put me through! thanks for that!

[Fufu]

i will move on and i will find someone one day who can love me how i want to love them!

 

Keep telling yourself the above when you are having the emotional feelings (the roller coaster moods)

[yorkie]

thanks fufu i will

[yorkie]

i also feel a bit better now as when she dropped the kids off she asked my kids to ask me if i wanted to talk about anything i said no so no contact started already game on. im gonna do this now!

[yorkie]

right as i said in another thread last night i broke NC again, but this time i feel better i have said everything i ever wanna say as in i dont want to pretend for the kids that we are amicable and i cant see her or talk to her as i need time to heal as i still have feelings for her. i told her i dont want to spend christmas with her and the kids as its giving the wrong impression, some people might say that was an olive branch but hey im human im an all or nothing guy. i said if she does miss me and wants me to get in touch sooner rather than later if not i hope she is happy with her decision. i am now even though i miss and love her ready to let go and move on! be stubborn boys and girls force them feelings away you need to move on and if she does come back and im free , maybe but very unlikley i will want someone who has hurt me so bad!

[yorkie]

right i need to tell people i broke NC again i was feeling down all this week and went for a few beers, she dropped the kids off at the pub and i gave her alot of verbal. tbh though now i do know things will nether ever be right again and i will be keeping to no contact. im just struggling as she messed with my head last week when we talked i have noticed when ever i talk to her my head gets messed up i am no on first day again NC and i am determined to move on is there anyone else out there who has kids who is in the same boat as me and can they give me advice on what to do please desperate here!

[strive]

right i need to tell people i broke NC again i was feeling down all this week and went for a few beers, she dropped the kids off at the pub and i gave her alot of verbal. tbh though now i do know things will nether ever be right again and i will be keeping to no contact. im just struggling as she messed with my head last week when we talked i have noticed when ever i talk to her my head gets messed up i am no on first day again NC and i am determined to move on is there anyone else out there who has kids who is in the same boat as me and can they give me advice on what to do please desperate here!

I think it's the beer that weakened your resolve to keep NC. Next time, don't drink EVEN ONE if you know you'll see her on that day.

 

In my case, I try to keep contact as little as possible by messaging his parents instead if possible (my ex is a douche, it's the grandparents who take care of my daughter during HIS weekend time with her) and I never ever look at him when he's dropping off/picking up my kid. It's also handy that my daughter has her own cellphone even if I think she's too young for it.

 

I think you're still clinging to hope/confused because she hasn't moved on yet. At least you know that your BU is really because of unhappiness/incompatibility and not from outside influence.

 

All residual nice things I felt for my ex died the moment I learned that he's with someone else less than a month post-BU and has been passively pursuing OW before we've officially separated. He broke our family for a chance to pursue OW so that he wouldn't be called a cheater. All memories has turned sour and I now only feel disgust for his character. Anger is not a nice thing to have but it's something that strengthens resolve.

 

Stay strong Yorkie. I'm rooting for you.

[yorkie]

thank you so much for the kind words yes im still in shock and tbh all her family are in shock to they all cant believe it either. now i am determined not to break NC i hope she does find someone else and makes a go of it i just lack self esteem and confidence at the moment xx but thanks for that!

[Arty54]

If I could give you one piece of advise about communicating with an ex where children are involved it would be to NEVER use your kids as the messengers!

My ex of 20yrs did this all the time because she did not want to talk or text me, the kids who were 15 and 17 at time hated it and often didn't want to get caught in the middle of a discussion about money, maintenance or the divorce, she played them, really sad but they lived with her and found it very difficult to say no.

Just keep communication short and be polite, turn the other cheek, be the bigger and better person and whatever happens you will always be able to hold your head high! Oh it'd be fair to say she probably hated me but there is no excuse to use kids during a separation or divorce.

[yorkie]

Things turned nasty recently my ex has been slating me to her friends and I have told her to stop. I really am now not interested in her. She confused me alot and she says I have hurt her since we broke and blames me for everything. U know what she has lost me and if she ever does come back she is going to get a flat no yes I am starting NC today after 10 weeks since break up ii only managed one week of NC. Today is a brand new day in my life im now gonna go find someone who loves me for who I am. All her family are gutted and so am I but hey today is a brand new day

[laddie]

It's funny how the person who wants to walk away from the relationship is the angry or bitter one.

Maybe it's a way for them to justify their decision.

 

My ex is also angry and hostile when I see her to pick up or drop off my child.

Not sure why but may be because I've not chased and begged her to come back. Only communicated when it's to make arrangements for getting my child. Also I've tried to present a happy front and been polite with her.

 

From what I've read it's probably because it's a blow to her ego that I've not pursued her to come back, who knows?

 

You should try and do the same, put on a happy front and leave her alone. Even though it's really difficult and painful.

It will make you feel better about yourself and give you self respect allowing you to heal quicker.

 

Try and remember it will eventually get easier each day.

I'm around a month from the split and feel a bit better already.

[yorkie]

yes it took me ages to start NC or should i say LC she is on her way round to drop the kids off and im not gonna talk to her just give her a letter with a smile on my face and thats it, TBH anyone who can treat me like that is awful and TBH i have someone who is interested in my and a great person but im taking it easy i need to get over my ex first before i even contemplate another relationship but it feels good that someone is being patient with me. i will post daily now on this thread to vent any frustrations and let everyone know my diary from 1st day of LC, so far 3 texts she sent i replied all about the kids, and brownies etc nothing to report lol. but i feel great tbh