iceisles Posted December 16, 2004 Posted December 16, 2004 What do you folks do to conquer loneliness? I know hanging out with friends would probably help some, but most of my friends are married and/or have kids, which makes seeing them nearly impossible. And while I have hobbies, I find it hard to enjoy them lately because of feeling lonely. I know there's nothing wrong with being alone, but it's bothering me more than usual lately...maybe it has something to do with the holidays. I'm curious what you have found to be effective for suppressing these feelings. Thanks in advance.
bebop Posted December 16, 2004 Posted December 16, 2004 The holidays certainly don't help, I think just about everyone on these boards knows that all too well. They do make it harder, no question. Getting busy sounds trite but it's true. I found that getting involved in my community worked well for me. Theater groups, volunteer community service (helping homeless, whatever appeals to you), there's usually a lot out there to do. Giving something of oneself really does work amazingly well, gets you out of yourself a bit. This may not be your cup of tea - you could try developing other hobbies or interests in which other people are involved rather than solitary pursuits. If you're a church sort of person get more involved there and in their activities and their work in the community. Pick up a college course or two for fun, studying stuff you never got around to before. There are always garden clubs (yes, men are in these too, it's not just little old ladies anymore), reading groups, there's something for everyone out there. Get out there, and good luck. It will get better.
Author iceisles Posted December 16, 2004 Author Posted December 16, 2004 Thanks bebop, I appreciate the ideas. I'm usually very good at fending off loneliness, but I am clearly not invincible. Part of my problem is that I'm such a romantic and am never 100% happy unless I have someone in my life to care about and love. I know I probably shouldn't stress over that so much, but it is very important to me. Yes, I care for my friends and family, but there is something special about being involved with someone, and I am truly missing that right now. I will do my best to keep busy - I know this doesn't bother me nearly as much when I'm at work plugging away at the cases on my desk.
bebop Posted December 16, 2004 Posted December 16, 2004 I do understand. I often find myself wishing that people had an easier time of being on their own because it can be a fantastic time of life, it really can. So many people never get to find that out because they're afraid to try it. Being alone doesn't have to mean being lonely, it can actually be a very liberating sort of thing. And to have that break between relationships can lead to much better ones later on because one has gained perspective and strength. I wish I could send you a magic hobby that would help immediately. Oooh - how about magic? That's a fabulous hobby! You'll find something, and trust yourself that you can be on your own a bit till the next right thing comes along.
Author iceisles Posted December 17, 2004 Author Posted December 17, 2004 Part of the problem is that I don't have anyone else to focus my attention on right now. While I was doing NC, I was courting (unsuccessfully) a few other girls, which felt great. But now that I don't have any prospects for the near future, I have gone on the downhill slide. As hard as I try to fight it, it's difficult to fend off loneliness. From what I can tell on these boards, I am not the only one facing some emotionally challenging times.
kellyp1 Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 Keeping busy is good, having a roommate has been good for me. The biggest thing I would say is use some of the time to do things by yourself. Take a trip, even if just an hour away for day, and appreciate doing and seeing what you want. I have found that after getting over the fear of looking lonely the first time, after that, I got into it and what I was doing. I still get the lonelies like you but it helps. Spending time with kids in the family (if you have younger brothers or sisters or nieces and nephews like me) can mean a lot to them and make you feel better about things. Also, go to your area networking events (marketing, PR, general business). I am a female and can tell you the few guys that show up have a major chance with the ton of women that are there. Being the holidays, a lot of the clubs have events. Try the American Marketing Association, Public Relations Society of America, Society for Internet Advancement to name a few.
Author iceisles Posted December 17, 2004 Author Posted December 17, 2004 Getting out and doing things on my own has been the real hard part. Everytime I think about doing something, I kinda wish I had someone to do it with, ya know? Even my guy friends would be great company if they weren't all married or involved with someone. Sure, I have some old college buddies I can talk to on the phone, but not many friends to hang out with and keep me busy. I know that would help, though. I've tried just enjoying life - working on my book, getting into some video games, renting movies, etc. And while these things are fun, I am still easily distracted by wishing I had someone to share these good times with. What I really need is something that will keep my mind VERY busy, to the point of where I can't get down like this. I really believe that thinking too much is a bad thing. I know this is just a stage I'm going through. I'm independent, and fairly confident, yet clearly overwhelmed by this sadness right now that I'm just not able to shake. I haven't met anyone who hasn't had these ups and downs, but that doesn't make things that much better. I guess all I can do is try to keep busy, because there's no sense in feeling sad all the time. I just wish I was better at shutting down these emotions.
bebop Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 I wouldn't shut them down. It's all part of the deal and shutting things down (which can be done) leads to nervous breakdowns later on down the line somewhere. It DOES. Sounds as if much of what you're doing is solitary, and you're sitting there wishing for company. Try to get yourself out the door and doing something in the world. Sometimes we have to will ourselves to do it, but it always pays off. P.S. I love Brooks and Dunn.
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