Internet Enigma

[Down_The_Rabit_Hole]

Hey there,

 

I've loved and lost, married and divorced. Dated a few times, some lasted a couple months, some up to a full year. However... I am facing a new situation and could really use an outside perspective. Here is my situation...

 

I've been single for a while now, and in March I plan on moving out to the West Coast (on East Coast now). One thing you need to know about me... I am a nerd. But a closet nerd, lol. I've practiced martial arts for years (14+). I'm the muscle kind of guy, broad shoulders with Bumblebee camaro parked in my drive-way. I change my own oil/brakes, ex-navy, fix my own plumbing, and I even worked as a bouncer in Nashville for several years. But when I get in-doors, I am a total nerd. I love my MMORPG's, anime, corny movies, supernatural TV shows, etc. I am a very laid back kind of guy and am always the "nice-guy".

 

I have been "gaming" online with a group of people for years, some 10+ years. One is a girl on the West Coast, a couple of years younger than I am. She is Asian, raised half in her home country, half raised in America. She's intelligent, has her degree, American citizenship etc. I have been playing games with her online for over 9 years off and on. In the past 6 months we've become a LOT closer. She is very shy by nature. She never speaks or gives hints of who she actually is. She did speak (online) at one point and time several years ago but gave it up since.

 

She has told me things about her life and where she lives that I believe she hasn't told anyone else. She could easily lie about it, but she has told me everything from the area she lives to her measurements. All over the course of the past 6 months. She's also a martial artist, a huge nerd, and a culturally rich person. She knows I'm moving to the West Coast soon and has hinted at several nerdy conventions she always attends. I had mentioned that I wanted to try out several conventions.

 

I think there is something there between us. However, because we've never met and she doesn't talk (we use a voice chat but she always types, I talk) it is hard to take anything further until I move West. She'll tell me anything about her, but will never say anything specific. Such as actual name, location, etc. We flirt online. Sexual comments back and forth to each other while playing the game, usually making fun of what the NPC's say. At the least we're great friends. But I feel it is hot and cold with this girl. I get signals, then other times I feel shot down. We haven't spoken of any kind of relationship as I don't even feel there could be one until I moved out in that direction. I'm not moving for her, btw. This move has been planned for a couple of years.

 

Couple of short facts... I've never dated a woman who games or is that nerdy. Never dated a truly "shy" girl before, nor have I internet/long distance dated before. That is why I would like some perspective and I will answer any questions to help clarify what I wrote. It can be confusing, but I am confused myself.

 

Also, thank you very much in advance.

 

::EDIT::

Forgot to mention this... but one big reason I think there is something is because she asked me to play a game with her. I had never played it. It is a Star Wars MMO and since then we have played together. We played other games together, but usually with a whole group of people we know. She only plays this game me, and if we're both online she'll approach me to play with her. It is almost a nightly occurrence now, spending 2-4 hours playing at a time. What I want to know is if there is something actually there between us, or did I just evolve this feelings like a typical online nerd with a crush.

Edited November 6, 2013 by Down_The_Rabit_Hole
Added Info

[campfire]

You seem to get along very well but all the information she has given you could potentially be a lie right? Ever seen that Catfish program on MTV? Its amazing how people can get caught up in creating a fake self.

 

Anyway, you have to meet this girl when you move. How about telling her that you appreciate the online relationship you have and ask her if she wants to meet in person? Or you could describe to her what you will wear on one of the conventions both of you are going to attend and tell her that she's free to approach you?

 

Or...you could hire the Catfish crew.

[umirano]

You talk a lot about games and gaming. But you also seem down to earth, a handy man. I'm sure you could score great women locally too. But this gamer gal got your attention? What's your specific question? Is she on the west coast too? Or are you considering not moving because she'll stay east?

 

Why don't you ask her to go on cam, or meet up? She must know you by now, i.e. she can't chicken out claiming you're a total stranger to her.

[emi]

I dont get it, why on earth cant she talk with you when you guys are calling?

And you are old enough, so i think you are finacially stable, why dont just meet up as fast as you can?

This girl however seems like she got something to hide: not talking much about herself, not talking during phone call. Isnt that supposed to worry you?

I know many couples met in game, and make it works, but however, your case is very messy.

If u cant talk with her/meet her then there is nothing you can do

[Down_The_Rabit_Hole]

A few facts ended up eschewed. I will clarify a bit better, sorry for the confusion. *doh*

 

We don't speak over the phone. We chat through an online voice program. It is made mainly for gamers to talk while playing their current game. Especially since typing in-game can take longer than talking, it helps those fast paced gamers. Or us social gamers too. In the program, we play the game and I press a button on the keyboard that allows me to talk through the internet to her. Kind of like an internet walky-talky.

 

Several years ago she used it and talked for several months before deciding to go silent again. So I have heard her voice, and others have as well. But she was strictly silent before that, and has been after that.

 

There is always the possibility she is lying to me, but I believe she is who she says she is. Such as she speaks her native language fluently, or has a really really really fast translator, which includes the actual phonics behind it. And knows her stuff from cover to cover. Some of the other stuff, who knows... but it is enough for me to have become interested in her and see this through.

 

I have asked to hear her voice before and she has said "someday." There is a convention in May she always attends and I have expressed interest in going. In which case, we'd meet. This is where I believe the "someday" extends from. And yes, she already lives on the West Coast. It is several hours from where I am moving to, but still better than 3000 miles.

 

She has always been very shy, though why I am still curious to. I suspect some trauma in her past, though as to what I have not pressed nor do I wish to. I am normally very good at reading people, however, since I am unable to even hear her voice while she talks to me I feel completely in the dark with her personality. I never put much into astrology or horoscopes, but I am a pieces through and through. They say we're "mind-readers" in a sense but it is easy to take anything from typing to be mistaken for a different meaning.

 

My lack of expertise is shy nerdy girls and internet relationships. Can someone give me an analysis of the situation that has more experience with this sort of thing... I am still at a loss.

 

::EDIT:: What I'm looking for is any friendly advice? Should I keep going as things are until I move? Should I push to hear her voice or something solid? I don't know the mind of a shy internet girl and I would like to know the consequences and other possible outcomes for said situations... or is there another approach I haven't thought of?

Edited November 7, 2013 by Down_The_Rabit_Hole
Questions

[emi]

There is only 2 possibilities

1. She is hiding something so she doesnt want you to get close to her

 

2. She doesnt trust you. If this case, you will need to meet up with her and do alot of things to gain her trust

[umirano]

Basically you only know her through text. IMO that's very little. I agree with the poster above. She doesn't trust you, otherwise she'd have skyped with you. Forget astrology. It's complete BS. You're as good a mind reader as anyone else with your life experience and social aptitude. Birth dates have nothing to do with it.

 

Chasing her sounds exhausting. If I were you I'd push for a meet up, or a skype session at least. You want to get to know her. Tone, facial expressions, etc. Otherwise you'll invest a lot of energy chasing a "girl" and getting very little information in return. If it ends with a disappointment, you spent a lot of time on her. OTOH if you get to know her better now you save a lot of time and energy.

 

Are you sure you want to hook up with someone who is so hard to talk to face to face? Isn't it a little odd? Maybe she has problems. Or she's in a preexisting RS and has to hide for that reason.

 

Good luck to you!

[TMichaels]

I think she's a guy.

 

 

Best,

TMichaels

[headinthecloud]

I think she's a guy.

 

Agreed. I know a few female gamers who are part of WoW guilds for 10yrs and they do the voice chat, no problem. It's very strange that she doesn't want to speak in person. Very. I'd be suspicious here, irregardless of what your gut tells you. The facts don't add up.

[nomadic_butterfly]

Hey there,

 

I've loved and lost, married and divorced. Dated a few times, some lasted a couple months, some up to a full year. However... I am facing a new situation and could really use an outside perspective. Here is my situation...

 

I've been single for a while now, and in March I plan on moving out to the West Coast (on East Coast now). One thing you need to know about me... I am a nerd. But a closet nerd, lol. I've practiced martial arts for years (14+). I'm the muscle kind of guy, broad shoulders with Bumblebee camaro parked in my drive-way. I change my own oil/brakes, ex-navy, fix my own plumbing, and I even worked as a bouncer in Nashville for several years. But when I get in-doors, I am a total nerd. I love my MMORPG's, anime, corny movies, supernatural TV shows, etc. I am a very laid back kind of guy and am always the "nice-guy".

 

I have been "gaming" online with a group of people for years, some 10+ years. One is a girl on the West Coast, a couple of years younger than I am. She is Asian, raised half in her home country, half raised in America. She's intelligent, has her degree, American citizenship etc. I have been playing games with her online for over 9 years off and on. In the past 6 months we've become a LOT closer. She is very shy by nature. She never speaks or gives hints of who she actually is. She did speak (online) at one point and time several years ago but gave it up since.

 

She has told me things about her life and where she lives that I believe she hasn't told anyone else. She could easily lie about it, but she has told me everything from the area she lives to her measurements. All over the course of the past 6 months. She's also a martial artist, a huge nerd, and a culturally rich person. She knows I'm moving to the West Coast soon and has hinted at several nerdy conventions she always attends. I had mentioned that I wanted to try out several conventions.

 

I think there is something there between us. However, because we've never met and she doesn't talk (we use a voice chat but she always types, I talk) it is hard to take anything further until I move West. She'll tell me anything about her, but will never say anything specific. Such as actual name, location, etc. We flirt online. Sexual comments back and forth to each other while playing the game, usually making fun of what the NPC's say. At the least we're great friends. But I feel it is hot and cold with this girl. I get signals, then other times I feel shot down. We haven't spoken of any kind of relationship as I don't even feel there could be one until I moved out in that direction. I'm not moving for her, btw. This move has been planned for a couple of years.

 

Couple of short facts... I've never dated a woman who games or is that nerdy. Never dated a truly "shy" girl before, nor have I internet/long distance dated before. That is why I would like some perspective and I will answer any questions to help clarify what I wrote. It can be confusing, but I am confused myself.

 

Also, thank you very much in advance.

 

::EDIT::

Forgot to mention this... but one big reason I think there is something is because she asked me to play a game with her. I had never played it. It is a Star Wars MMO and since then we have played together. We played other games together, but usually with a whole group of people we know. She only plays this game me, and if we're both online she'll approach me to play with her. It is almost a nightly occurrence now, spending 2-4 hours playing at a time. What I want to know is if there is something actually there between us, or did I just evolve this feelings like a typical online nerd with a crush.

 

Can you at least act like a somewhat sensible adult?? If she doesn't even want to Skype you NINE YEARS LATER, "she" clearly has something to hide!! I have never ever met a sane person who would object to even voice chatting. Let it go and move the freak on. Only a loser would be daydreaming about someone whom he has never seen or even talk to on the phone! Come on!!

 

I do concur with the other poster that you should sign up for Catfish. Would be awesome to see you on there and perhaps after watching the episode for yourself you will realize how ridiculous you sound and look. How could you exchange sexual comments and get turned on by someone that you have never ever seen or heard? WTF?

 

Tmichael said it best; "she is a man!"

 

Go out there in the REAL WORLD and meet REAL PEOPLE. I am not even sure you are suited for online dating so I wouldn't even encourage that for you.

[FitChick]

Rereading the OPs description of himself, gay men would find him very attractive.

[Down_The_Rabit_Hole]

Thank you all for the advice.

 

I do live in the real world and meet real people. I had just known this person for 9 years over the internet as we were both casual gamers. We've always been involved in the same community. But we had only spent more time gaming together and getting to know each other better over the past 6 months. Closer to 2-3 months for heavily spending time with just the two of us. I was just curious if there was possibly something as I've never internet dated or dated a shy girl... let alone long distance. Those personalities and situations elude my train of thought. I normally date out-going, mentally stronger women that are usually not very nerdy. I've dated enough to know to never put all my eggs in one basket until the "conversation" is had and it gets serious.

 

I'm moving out to the west coast for work and I never said I would actively date her, or even stop looking in my area when I move out there. I've fully taken the "catfish" mentality into my thought process. It was just a situation I had never come across and was looking for advice.

 

Thanks again you all, signing off