truth_seeker Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 That guy, Greg Behrendt that wrote the book "He's Just Not That Into You"...termed "busy" as another word for asswhole. He mentioned that he would do that to women he was just cruising through but when he met his wife, he was always looking forward to when he could see her again. I now hate the word "busy". Doesn't this apply to everyone? We date until we meet the one? Everyone has their go to escape words/lines: - Busy - I Have a Boyfriend - We Shall See - I'm Happy Just Being Friends - Maybe Soon Closure Lines: - Take Care - All the Best
Zahara Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 Doesn't this apply to everyone? We date until we meet the one? Everyone has their go to escape words/lines: - Busy - I Have a Boyfriend - We Shall See - I'm Happy Just Being Friends - Maybe Soon Closure Lines: - Take Care - All the Best Yes, I didn't say it was gender specific. Just applying it to the OP and her story. Not sure what your point is as we're on the same page.
truth_seeker Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 Yes, I didn't say it was gender specific. Just applying it to the OP and her story. Not sure what your point is as we're on the same page. I thought you were being gender specific. My bad.
Zahara Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 I thought you were being gender specific. My bad. Asswhole behavior is never gender biased! I'm sure you've met some and I sure have too!
truth_seeker Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 Asswhole behavior is never gender biased! I'm sure you've met some and I sure have too! I've met plenty! I hate though how I've allowed jerk people to influence me over the years. One woman is flake then another, so when I meet someone I'm not interested in, instead of being a stand up guy and letting them know I'm not into them, I become a flake. It's hard not to become jaded with people.
Zahara Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 I've met plenty! I hate though how I've allowed jerk people to influence me over the years. One woman is flake then another, so when I meet someone I'm not interested in, instead of being a stand up guy and letting them know I'm not into them, I become a flake. It's hard not to become jaded with people. I hear ya. I've acted the same way. I think the worse is getting so jaded that you self-sabotage, even when a good thing is slapping you in the face.
Author ana0pera Posted November 7, 2013 Author Posted November 7, 2013 I just found out that one of his childhood friends is visiting this weekend, he mentioned it when we were talking last night and asked how much he should worry about finishing his unpacking . Also, he never used the word "busy" to describe his situation, that was all me. Not that it really matters, but his words were: "I am not sure yet, but hopefully soon :)" Still sounds a bit like a cop-out but whatever. He has never actually used the word "busy" as an excuse with me though. He has told me that he likes to keep himself busy so that he doesn't get bored, but that is wayyy different from using "busy" as an excuse to get out of things...it's more like using fear of boredom as an excuse to do way too much, IMO. He has been vague in responding to my question, yes, but he hasn't said he's too busy to hang out. Maybe I am missing the nuance of what "I am not sure" means and that is just another term for whatever "busy" means.
truth_seeker Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 Also, he never used the word "busy" to describe his situation, that was all me. Not that it really matters, but his words were: "I am not sure yet, but hopefully soon :)" He's changed up his excuse lines. First he was "busy" ... now "not sure, hopefully soon" Listen, as a guy, I would only say what he said if I didn't like you and was afraid to hurt your feelings. If if really liked you, he would be contacting you to make set plans to see you.
PutARingOnIt Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 He's changed up his excuse lines. First he was "busy" ... now "not sure, hopefully soon" Listen, as a guy, I would only say what he said if I didn't like you and was afraid to hurt your feelings. If if really liked you, he would be contacting you to make set plans to see you. he changed up his excuse because he probably knows that women are getting hip to that busy bs.
Zahara Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 "Not sure, hopefully soon." Non-committal as well.
truth_seeker Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 What I've learned when getting non-committal answers - go date someone else and be happy. 1
Author ana0pera Posted November 8, 2013 Author Posted November 8, 2013 yeah, i think it finally got through my head, i'm moving on.
Dark_history Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 Not sure why people are saying he changed up his reason, when he never said he was busy in the first place, that he wasn't that sure. And OP, you say it is a lot of work, really? Is it really that hard to set a date, get serious, that isn't going to kill an entire days worth of time. This my suggestion if you really want to confirm his interest or if he is really busy. Set a date. Tell him you want to meet up on said date as you are free that day and leave it at that, see how he response back. Because now you are setting an actual day of wanting to meet, not a wishy washy question of when we can meet, that is just beating around the bush. Three things are likely to happen 1) he accepts 2) he says he can't but will set a new date that he can 3) says he is unsure First two will show definite interest, last one proves there is no interest. Lastly, consider when you had asked him the question, was it during the time he was working? If so, itnis likeky he would not know. Also, after he said that did you drop the subject about it? If you didn't continue to communicate about it, he is not going to know it bothered you or that you took it as no interest, when you two are texting everyday. Bottomline, if you really can not take 5 minutes to set an actual date when you spending hours over what you think a message means, just move it, as it will not work out for the two of you. 1
Author ana0pera Posted November 8, 2013 Author Posted November 8, 2013 (edited) Not sure why people are saying he changed up his reason, when he never said he was busy in the first place, that he wasn't that sure. And OP, you say it is a lot of work, really? Is it really that hard to set a date, get serious, that isn't going to kill an entire days worth of time. This my suggestion if you really want to confirm his interest or if he is really busy. Set a date. Tell him you want to meet up on said date as you are free that day and leave it at that, see how he response back. Because now you are setting an actual day of wanting to meet, not a wishy washy question of when we can meet, that is just beating around the bush. Three things are likely to happen 1) he accepts 2) he says he can't but will set a new date that he can 3) says he is unsure First two will show definite interest, last one proves there is no interest. Lastly, consider when you had asked him the question, was it during the time he was working? If so, itnis likeky he would not know. Also, after he said that did you drop the subject about it? If you didn't continue to communicate about it, he is not going to know it bothered you or that you took it as no interest, when you two are texting everyday. Bottomline, if you really can not take 5 minutes to set an actual date when you spending hours over what you think a message means, just move it, as it will not work out for the two of you. All good points Dark_history. He can't read my mind and texts are so cryptic anyway. I am going to work on some other stuff and get my schedule straight (I am still catching up from my trip and getting over a bad cold) and then I am going to ask him out early next week. Should I just pick a day or also a day/activity? I have some ideas for activities based on our shared interests. I asked him before I went to bed at night and he answered early the next morning. I made a joke about it that he ignored but the subject has been dropped. I don't think I ever said that blatantly asking him out (setting a date) is a lot of work. I don't want to come off as overly persistent because I HATE people like that, hence why I am not harping on the subject with him. I did say I realize that he has a lot of work to do (and honestly, so do I lol) but I don't think I ever used my work as an excuse for NOT being more assertive with him. It is a lot faster to just ask about a day but takes more nerve than contemplating what-ifs for hours, but definitely not easier...nevertheless I will ask him on Monday or Tuesday and see what he says, and go from there. I feel like if he says #2 (he says he can't but will set a new date that he can) that could still just be an excuse to string me along, but I'll think about that when/if it happens. Edited November 8, 2013 by ana0pera
Dark_history Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 All good points Dark_history. He can't read my mind and texts are so cryptic anyway. I am going to work on some other stuff and get my schedule straight (I am still catching up from my trip and getting over a bad cold) and then I am going to ask him out early next week. Should I just pick a day or also a day/activity? I have some ideas for activities based on our shared interests. I asked him before I went to bed at night and he answered early the next morning. I made a joke about it that he ignored but the subject has been dropped. It is a lot faster to just ask about a day but takes more nerve than contemplating what-ifs for hours, but definitely not easier...nevertheless I will ask him on Monday or Tuesday and see what he says, and go from there. I feel like if he says #2 (he says he can't but will set a new date that he can) that could still just be an excuse to string me along, but I'll think about that when/if it happens. Yes I agree that 2 can come that way also, but in the mean time you should still keep dating, as others have said, there no commitment here yet. But it is clear you have interest, which is why you shouldn't just write him off. This is what I would text, as it will not overcommit "Hey I'm free this Sunday, you wanna meet up?" Something along those lines. It shows you want to meet a certain date, while not giving the clingy vibe, and it puts the ball in his court. He will have to give you a yes or no answer in some form. If you texted this "Hey I am free this sunday, and I want to meet so that we can go to this place and than that place, let me know what you think asap, I will be staring at my phone for your response!!!!!" Maybe not the last part, but something like this shows your interest too much and can come off clincy and needy. If you do get response 2, and he gives you a date right away, still count him in. If he says he has to check his schedule, just say ok, and that's it. It will be on him to make the next move, and in the mean time, you can just be meeting up other people.
tlegend Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 I outlined this course of action in the 3rd post of this entire thread. Glad you finally came to your senses.
Author ana0pera Posted November 13, 2013 Author Posted November 13, 2013 I asked concretely about setting up another date, and I received a response in the affirmative I'm still going to work on playing it cool but I am glad that he's still interested
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