Simon Phoenix Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 a month and a week.. I know it isn't long, but I've reflected alot, and learned alot about myself. It still may not be enough time for a fundamental change, but I can positively say something has changed. Who knows, it might be my funeral, but it could also blossom into something entirely different. There isn't an exact guideline for relationships, you can't say it won't work for sure. And if it doesn't work out this time, it'll be clear to both of us and I can truly move on, and hopefully her too. I might be immature for thinking this way, but if it's doomed for sure, I guess I'll have to figure this out on my own, this was my first relationship and obviously BU ever, I can't expect myself to do everything exactly the way it should be done, I'm human, I can make mistakes and forgive myself. What you aren't considering is that it takes two people to change, learn and grow. Even if you have changed in a month and a week (highly doubtful), the odds that both of you have is slim and none. You are walking into a running chainsaw. 2
Zahara Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 Left this thread for a couple of days and we've gone from my life is great because of your crap attitude to we're getting back together?!?! What did I miss? Agree with Simon and the rest. The woman left you, is dealing with depression, suicidal, and along with your so called false sense of change, there is nothing different about your situation. A month isn't enough for change. You're just starting up again from where you left off, and it wasn't a very good place. 1
Author Lizrd3000 Posted November 10, 2013 Author Posted November 10, 2013 We are back together. We had alot of fun at my house playing Wii and talking today, after 2 hours of fun we talked about serious stuff, including our relationship for most part of the hours, also laughed alot. we missed each other alot. We agreed on trying again, but this time leaving the past behind us, but reminding the things we both have to focus on. we also played a ''game'' where we said something we need to change about ourselves, and what we didn't like about the other, and something we did like alot about the other, every turn one of those things. we decided to take it slow, I know I was a bit clingy while she was stressed alot, so I'm going to have to work on this. I'm happy with my decision, despite the advice you all gave me, I really do think this might work.
cavalier99 Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 Hmm congrats i guess. Just be super careful. hmm in retrospect there is no way of being careful. Just give it a go. Live and learn. well be here for you..im guessing soon but ive been wrong before! Wish you the best. Cav 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 We are back together. We had alot of fun at my house playing Wii and talking today, after 2 hours of fun we talked about serious stuff, including our relationship for most part of the hours, also laughed alot. we missed each other alot. The biggest thing that you DIDN'T do was take enough time to step back, see things clearly and make significant changes / improvements. Work on yourselves as individuals. What do you expect to be different? we also played a ''game'' where we said something we need to change about ourselves, and what we didn't like about the other, and something we did like alot about the other, every turn one of those things. A game? Really? This should be the most serious thing you have have ever communicated to each other... I'm happy with my decision, despite the advice you all gave me, I really do think this might work. Of course you're happy. You just put a band aid on your broken heart. Time will tell.... 3
Author Lizrd3000 Posted November 10, 2013 Author Posted November 10, 2013 The biggest thing that you DIDN'T do was take enough time to step back, see things clearly and make significant changes / improvements. Work on yourselves as individuals. What do you expect to be different? A game? Really? This should be the most serious thing you have have ever communicated to each other... Of course you're happy. You just put a band aid on your broken heart. Time will tell.... It wasn't a game, I said it like that so it'd be easier to understand...... I can't believe how negative you are. Or I'm just being naïve. Time will surely tell!
Simon Phoenix Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 It wasn't a game, I said it like that so it'd be easier to understand...... I can't believe how negative you are. Or I'm just being naïve. Time will surely tell! You are definitely being naive, but you are young and I'm guessing you haven't really been through this before, so it's understandable. Best of luck -- I'm guessing you'll need it. 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 I will ask again: What do you expect to be different? Seriously??
Mariposa10 Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 I will ask again: What do you expect to be different? Seriously?? He's 18 years old, so it's ok. I feel like he has to make mistakes like this.
smuggy95 Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 i agree that he has to learn to trust his own feelings, and not always have this nagging doubt and blame his internet friends for (you made me leave her! it could have worked out!!!). He heard our advice, and he took it in, and he sees it differently. Sometimes, these things do work out. I know HS relationships lasting long are rare, but I know quite a few. Maybe.... But what we said to you, lzrd, was from experience and wisdom and caution and care. Goodluck. 1
Author Lizrd3000 Posted November 11, 2013 Author Posted November 11, 2013 I totally agree with all of you at a level, and I may be seeing things from a naïve perspective, but I don't think I could live with myself if I don't give this a chance now. I rather live with the most certain hurt than the thought of ''what if it could've worked out, even if there was a slim chance''. Like I said, I take all the advice at heart, and I know it comes from experience. And if this won't work out, I'll have learned something from it and can give others better advice on LS next time they're in the same position as me. Or else I'll never figure it out and stay with this girl for a very long time. I really don't think I can lose here, I can deal with the hurt in the end. Thread's done for now, thanks for the luck everyone!
Author Lizrd3000 Posted November 23, 2013 Author Posted November 23, 2013 So two weeks in, and it feels as if I'm in another relationship, I noticed how she really tried to behave in a different way towards me, and so far everything's been going great. I actually take her to dates now, something I didn't do alot before. I ordered tickets to a play of actors (No idea how you call it in english) but she's into acting and was absolutely stunned when I told her I bought tickets to it. I've got my abandonment fear under control now, and when it does come up, I try to soothe myself and not act harshly based on feelings only. We also went for lunch, and before our break-up, she'd always get mad if I failed at eating properly in public places, but this dish was so extremely hard to eat properly, and instead of getting mad, she actually enjoyed seeing me fail. that's a huge improvement in my eyes. (I know, hilarious.. lolll) Honestly, I know it's only been two weeks, but I certainly know things are different this time around. I've got my fear under control and actually take her out now and then, and she doesn't get mad constantly and doesn't text me all the time (I told her I don't like looking at my phone every 5 minutes, so we had to tone down texting. she understood and we text about 3/4 times a day now.) And she appreciates me more than before, and so do I. ' For now, I'm happy I chose this path.
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