dealexander Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 Five months ago, my boyfriend broke up with me saying that he was not sure how he felt about me and that he needs to be alone. We had been having problems, namely around communication and physical intimacy. He has low libido and has issues from past emotional and sexual abuses that he has not fully addressed. While we were together, we spent so much time together and he regularly made me feel like I was the most important thing to him. He regularly told me he loved me, was there for me when I was dealing with issues, and made me feel like I was accepted and loved for who I was. Likewise, he would tell me that I made him feel so safe and loved, that he was so glad that he found me, and that he saw me as a part of his future. In the last few weeks before we broke up, he became a lot more distant. He would spend more time by himself, and even though we would still kiss, hold hands, and make love, it felt like he was not fully there. On the day we broke up, we were headed to a counselor (whom we both see separately) in order to try to work on our issues together. When we got there, he said that I am so accomplished and great and have so many goals, and it bothers him that he isn't in that place in his life yet. He said that he doesn't think we can work, but that he still wants to know me and for me to be in his life, as it would really hurt for him to lose me. I don't think I've ever cried that hard in my life. In the times that we saw each other afterwards, he accepted when I got emotional and even told me that it was because he loved me that he broke up with me, that he saw me giving up so much of myself to make him happy that he thought he was doing the right thing. He said it's beautiful that I want to wait for him, but that it feels like his issues are too much for him to deal with and he doesn't even know how to start addressing them. I told him that I miss certain parts of him, like holding his hand and he said that he missed that too. At certain points during one of our conversations, he started shaking, not like he was angry but like there was something that scared him so much that he didn't know how to face it. Fast forward five months, and I'm in a better place, but I still get really sad about the situation. Since September, we've established some kind of friendship. I've been over his house a few times and he came over my house a few weeks ago to hang out and see a movie. We have fun when we're together, but there's a lot that seems to go unsaid. He still feels depressed, and currently he isn't working consistently (he had a job as a zombie for a haunted hayride for Halloween). Each time we've seen each other, we end up at some point holding hands. This is usually after he's told me how his life is going and how he doesn't know if he has the grit to pursue what he wants. Financially he's in bad shape, and it doesn't look like he's going back to school like he kept telling me he wanted to (he doesn't have the money and won't be able to apply for student loans). When he sees me, he tells me that his grandparents and I are the only people who are actively trying to get him to do things, and that he doesn't know why I'm there but he's glad that I am. We always hug when I leave, usually more than once. For the past couple of weeks, he's ignored calls and texts from me, but he's made new friends and can respond to them just fine on Facebook. At this point, I'm wondering if feeling ignored is just my problem now, and whether or not there's really anything I can do to keep him in my life. I just get really upset when I feel like I'm the only one making an effort, but a lot of it is anger at myself for caring so much (but not caring about him feels wrong). Should I just let it go or is there an explanation for this?
Mario79 Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 You are a very sweet person to go through what you have. I feel me and your ex share some traits, mainly feeling guilt over not being better than we wish we were and depression. He might be just introverted and craves being alone from time to time. I can tell you for my part, even after we broke up I didn't feel as if it were over with her. Once it sunk in, I realized who and what I lost and that took 4 months. There isnt much you can do since you guys broke that would mean you accept that each one goes their way, but I would guess he will eventually come back on his own. Maybe once he realizes you are gone he will try to get his life together.
lovelylilly Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 To me it sounds like he has issues he needs to work through. I don't understand people and why they chose to do things or act a certain way. I would just leave him a lone for a little while and see if he comes to you. I'm certain he will, just give it a few weeks with no contact.
xUnknown Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 To me it sounds like he has issues he needs to work through. I don't understand people and why they chose to do things or act a certain way. I would just leave him a lone for a little while and see if he comes to you. I'm certain he will, just give it a few weeks with no contact. This sounds a bit like my scenario. 4 weeks since BU (2 on break before) and I know there is a part of me that is holding on still...I hate that, because As much as I love her, I don't want to hurt anymore.
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