Janni Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 It's been six weeks of NC since my bf cheated on me and left me for her, because I wouldn't accept it. - This is the very short uncomplicated version. For the whole, complicated version go here: Depressed ex boyfriend dumped me after 6 years and is now sleeping with her Two weeks ago and 4 weeks in, my ex sent me an e-mail about some money issues. I am freaking out. My ex just e-mailed me after 4 weeks of NC!! Since then I've felt a huge setback. Even though the whole thing made me feel disgust and contempt towards him, it also made me start thinking about him again. Thinking about our relationship. And somehow miss him/the relationship. I had just moved on from idealizing him and the relationship and now I feel I am doing it again. It's like his e-mail (and his mother's text) turned everything around, so I'm now going backwards. On the other hand, though I feel more and more sad, I am also able to go out more than before. I am going to classes, staying to do group assignments, being social. It confuses me. While doing these things I feel very hollow and empty inside. I feel sad. Basically I really don't understand what's going on with me. And if I should just stay patient and let time work it's magic?
Zahara Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 NC gets worse before it gets better. It took me several months to feel some change in my emotions after my break-up. If you read about the stages of grief, you will understand that your emotions are going to be volatile and it will take far more than 6 weeks to feel like you are progressing forward. Although you are right now, it just doesn't feel that way because you are riding through your withdrawals from your attachment to him and the relationship.
Author Janni Posted November 6, 2013 Author Posted November 6, 2013 NC gets worse before it gets better. It took me several months to feel some change in my emotions after my break-up. If you read about the stages of grief, you will understand that your emotions are going to be volatile and it will take far more than 6 weeks to feel like you are progressing forward. Although you are right now, it just doesn't feel that way because you are riding through your withdrawals from your attachment to him and the relationship. But what is confusing me, is that I felt so much better before the e-mail. That's what changed it all. And I am feeling worse day by day. I know I wont be over it in two months, but regress?
Zahara Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 But what is confusing me, is that I felt so much better before the e-mail. That's what changed it all. And I am feeling worse day by day. I know I wont be over it in two months, but regress? That's because you had 4 weeks NC before you got the email. Then he came back and dug into that wound again. In addition, to opening up that wound again, his behavior being cold and ugly, made it even worse. It's been 2 weeks since it happened. It may take a few more weeks to get back to how you were feeling before you got that email.
Author Janni Posted November 6, 2013 Author Posted November 6, 2013 That's because you had 4 weeks NC before you got the email. Then he came back and dug into that wound again. In addition, to opening up that wound again, his behavior being cold and ugly, made it even worse. It's been 2 weeks since it happened. It may take a few more weeks to get back to how you were feeling before you got that email. Okay, thank you. This calms me down. I was afraid he'd messed me up real bad and that I would keep getting worse. Damn him for doing this to me. But I guess it's as they say - When you start feeling better/moving on, they come back to mess things up. So I guess I just have to give it time and keep going as before?
Zahara Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 Okay, thank you. This calms me down. I was afraid he'd messed me up real bad and that I would keep getting worse. Damn him for doing this to me. But I guess it's as they say - When you start feeling better/moving on, they come back to mess things up. So I guess I just have to give it time and keep going as before? Yes, don't let how you are feeling discourage you. It's perfectly normal to fall back into the hole when they reappear. Just when you start to feel better, they show up and down you go! It's almost as if they can smell you moving on. Keep going as you did before. You were getting there just before you got the email so there is no reason why you can't get there again. It's proof that you will get over this and that you will get to a point where you start feeling better. He hasn't messed you up real bad, you just had a little bit of a tumble. Get up and keep going. Just give it a little more time and stay NC no matter what. You did it before, you'll do it again.
Author Janni Posted November 6, 2013 Author Posted November 6, 2013 Yes, don't let how you are feeling discourage you. It's perfectly normal to fall back into the hole when they reappear. Just when you start to feel better, they show up and down you go! It's almost as if they can smell you moving on. Keep going as you did before. You were getting there just before you got the email so there is no reason why you can't get there again. It's proof that you will get over this and that you will get to a point where you start feeling better. He hasn't messed you up real bad, you just had a little bit of a tumble. Get up and keep going. Just give it a little more time and stay NC no matter what. You did it before, you'll do it again. Thank you Zahara. I've noticed you've replied to several of my threads and I really appreciate it. Sometimes I need that strong person to tell me to keep my head high, when I begin to doubt. And you are right. I can do it. I am already doing extremely well, everything considered.
Zahara Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 Thank you Zahara. I've noticed you've replied to several of my threads and I really appreciate it. Sometimes I need that strong person to tell me to keep my head high, when I begin to doubt. And you are right. I can do it. I am already doing extremely well, everything considered. You are most welcome! Keep that confidence going and before you know it, you'll start to find joy in your life again! 1
Recommended Posts