fr0zen Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 (edited) So my ex and I dated for about 7 months before ending it about 3 weeks ago on his terms. I'm definitely still in love with him and want him back, so I've come up with a 'plan' to slowly talk to him about certain things, to try and inspire him to feel things towards me again. I KNOW that you can't force someone to love you, but we were crazy in love before breaking up, and I'm pretty sure he still loves me/cares about me from what he posts on other websites. He has tried to contact me during NC and I ignored it. We've been in no contact since this Monday when I texted him saying I saw some stuff online that reminded me of him. He responded positively, asked how I was. I said I was great, then cut it off there and said I had to go. I was totally in control of the conversation and it went perfectly. I'm sure some of you know about the shooting that happened at the NJ mall the other day. That night he asked me if I was okay, even though he knows I wouldn't have been at the mall. Yesterday I tried talking to him about normal things, TV shows we've been watching, my new job, but he just kind of seemed... cold. He wouldn't go into detail about anything, like he was trying to keep me at arms length. It hurt at first then I realized he's probably doing this to keep himself from having any feelings towards me. Would it be fair/correct to think that? I'm still probably going to keep doing 'this reminded me of you' texts until I get to the next part of my 'plan'. Which would be to text him saying I had a dream or saw something that reminded me of a good memory we share, such as our first date or the first time we held hands (don't judge, it was cute). Remember... this isn't going to happen any time soon. It's supposed to be done slowly and carefully. After he seems a little more comfortable with the 'good times' texts, if he does, I'll call and ask him for a slightly-not-so-innocent cup of coffee. Is this a good plan to follow? The worst he could do is blow me off but it's not like I'm expecting him to be receptive. I'm not thinking that we'll be back together in a week because I do this. Edited November 6, 2013 by fr0zen
Zahara Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 There's nothing sadder than having to remind and inspire someone to try and love you back. Of course, you both were crazy in love before breaking up. Apparently, "crazy in love" changed for him because that is why he broke up with you. Feelings can change. He ended it with you. It's his responsibility to make YOU want him back. Not the other way around.
stillafool Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 Zahara is correct in everything she said. Games are so transparent and a real turn off. If you want something just ask for it and not waste your time or his. Since he broke up with you it is up to him to win you back not the other way around.
Author fr0zen Posted November 6, 2013 Author Posted November 6, 2013 Okay, I guess saying "crazy in love" was an exaggeration. We were very comfortable with each other and then lost the spark I guess. But yea, I understand. Thanks, guys.
AlmostFrench Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 I agree with the above. I can't see the plan working unless it was going to work anyway without you having a plan. And you will just end up taking more time to move on than you should, because instead of starting now, if the plan finally fails in 2, 3, 6 months, you will then have to start making the steps to move forward. That said, I think everyone has to make their own choice for when it is time to move on, and there is plenty of advice on these forums to warn you that you are probably setting yourself up for heartbreak. I read some website once that suggested you send those sorts of txts 'reminding' your ex of fond memories together. IMO it is way too transparent for your ex not to be able to see through the not so subtle plan. Someone doesn't need you to remind them of these things, he will remember on his own with things he sees day to day, places you went to together, lying in his bed alone etc. I really think this will always just come across as pushy unless it came after the ex said they wanted to give it another shot. You have been friendly to him at least, so he will have good last memories for the time being. I really think a better 'plan' would now be to vanish. Poof! She's gone! That would get more of a reaction when he starts to wonder why you stopped contacting him. If he is interested, he will find out about what you are up to one way or another. He will check your Facebook, ask mutual friends. I wouldn't be responding to every little txt he sends either. Let him send a few before you respond with something chirpy about how your life is going. But no plan will work unless they were thinking of coming back anyway, and you have no concrete proof of that yet.
tma Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 I completely agree with everyone as well. I recently tried to do what you are doing and it only made thing worse for me. It drove me crazy always wondering when I was going to hear from him next or see him, or if maybe he's changed his mind about me. I ended up getting into a big fight with him the last time we talked about things to do with us and it only set me back further, as well as pushed him away further. If he really wants to be with you, he will come to that conclusion on his own, and probably sooner if you are out of the picture. No one can say for sure if he will come back, but it's almost 100% safe to say that he will not come back if he knows you're still around to talk to. I learned that the hard way unfortunately.
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