tunaluna Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 Ill keep it short! I've been dating a girl for around 8 months. I told her I loved her and she didn't say it back (she said she doesn't know what love is). Granted we are both young (19) I figured maybe she just doesn't know. Recently I have found myself questioning If I like her now. I have had thoughts of breaking up with her but quickly rebuttal them. For some reason I have just felt so negative/sad about everything( ie picturing her with another guy) and I have come to realize that I feel like this happens to me in all my relationships after a certain point. I don't know why I think like this I just do and it wont stop. We go to different schools so we see each other mainly on weekends and on special occasions during the week. I feel like the attraction/spark is not there anymore for me. I ended up seeing her last night because she needed to get out of her dorm so we met up at Kirby Lane in Austin Tx. While kissing her goodnight it just felt different even she pointed out that I was kissing different. Before someone post that I am too young for a relationship and I should be out partying. I am not into that kind of stuff plus my ATF internship would be terminated if I was caught at one. And there is no other girl involved. I just want thing to go back to how they were in the beginning. Some input would be nice!
Philosoraptor Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 Sounds like her not returning your feelings has had a big effect on you. Opening your heart is risking pain, and you see that you care about her just by it making you sad imagining her leaving you for another guy. If she's still with you don't let her not saying "I love you too" make you push her away out of fear. Yes, you've opened up by saying it. But who knows if she will say it in the future. You are scared to lose her and scared to open up too much; but you need to be focusing on enjoying the moment and what you feel for them.
pteromom Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 You were open and feeling loving to her, and when she didn't respond in kind, you shut down to protect your heart. Makes sense to me. You need to talk to her more about this whole situation. Ask her when she said she doesn't know what love is, what that means. Ask her how she feels about you, if she wouldn't describe it as "love". Ask her what she wants in a relationship, and what a perfect relationship would look like to her. You need to get back to a place where you feel safe to be vulnerable, and that's only going to happen if you know what she's thinking.
Author tunaluna Posted November 6, 2013 Author Posted November 6, 2013 Yeah It was a big rejection for me when she didnt say it. So I have not said it again. She is the first person I think about when I wake up and the last before I go to bed. Sometimes I wish I didn't think about her this much.
Author tunaluna Posted November 6, 2013 Author Posted November 6, 2013 You were open and feeling loving to her, and when she didn't respond in kind, you shut down to protect your heart. Makes sense to me. You need to talk to her more about this whole situation. Ask her when she said she doesn't know what love is, what that means. Ask her how she feels about you, if she wouldn't describe it as "love". Ask her what she wants in a relationship, and what a perfect relationship would look like to her. You need to get back to a place where you feel safe to be vulnerable, and that's only going to happen if you know what she's thinking. I did ask her what did she meant and she just said Idk what love and asked be for a definition.... she for sure likes me and believe her 100%. I also feel like we haven't grown much either I am guessing due to not going to the same school and hanging out as much and our sex has been going down hill for the past 3 months. Maybe I am just over thinking all of this.
Author tunaluna Posted November 6, 2013 Author Posted November 6, 2013 Wait. What? One minute you 'love' her and the next minute you're questioning whether you even like her or not? You obviously ARE too young for a relationship but not because I think you should be out 'partying,' but because you change your mind and feelings like most folks change their socks. Sorry that wasn't the best choice of words on my part. I do like her! lol
devilish innocent Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 I feel like the attraction/spark is not there anymore for me. I just want thing to go back to how they were in the beginning. Then maybe what you felt at the beginning wasn't love. Love is what makes you want to stay with a person even after the initial honeymoon feelings fade. That's not to say it isn't normal to have a little bit of a let-down period when the honeymoon stage dies down. But when you love someone you adjust to that because you still really want to be with them. The fact that the honeymoon period ended, and you are feeling so disconnected from her suggests that maybe your feelings weren't that deep to begin with.
tlegend Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 Lust = the initial euphoric feeling you get when you make a connection with someone, often defined as the "honeymoon stage". Love = The work after lust. I guess this breakdown is EXTREMELY simple, but yeah....
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