mendsley Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 So I'm sitting here totally engulfed in programming and I hear a knock on my office door and bam it's my ex. After the shock levels off I say "hi, what's up?" She said she drove around my office three times before deciding to stop. I said I'm glad she chose to stop. I asked how she was, how her kids are doing and hows life? Then our conversation turned into the reasoning behind our "break." I'm still a little unclear why and I think I have a good idea, but this talk we had was insightful to me. She told me things that never came up before, which I feel, is a good thing. She wanted a ton of hugs, she said she misses the sex and she seemed to entertain the idea of reconciliation. Well, I told her the last two days I've been thinking really hard about this and I want to completely break up since she has no idea what or where shes going. She started to cry and I asked what she was thinking. She said she feels like I dont fight for her, but she the one who left and emotionally I need to move on. This is where I need some of your feedback. I asked her what a reasonable amount of time would there need to be before she decides what she wants? She said about 60 days. I told her emotionally I couldnt wait that long, but I'm willing to give her 30 - 35 days before I just checkout and move on. She didnt say anything, but I'm in a place with my life where I would be fine either way ( I didnt tell her that ). My heart wants to reconcile, but my mind wants to break free. I also told her that if she chooses to reconcile, at first, we will live seperate and before any sleepovers we need to talk with a counselor and work on learning about ourselves so we dont end up like this in the future. How do you guys think I handled it? What would you have done?
AnnaAnna Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 I am sure you feel better now because you told her exactly how you feel about this whose situation. I must say 60 days is a long time to wait for somebody. I don't know what her plans are or why she needs that much time but I personally would not wait that long. Anyway, good job on your part for handling it so well. Good luck to you!
AnyaNova Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 Frankly, I'd give her no more than 10 days. If she can't decide in that length of time, she is not serious enough about you and the two of you to risk your heart. Probably sounds cold, but it is your heart. And you don't want to end up eating it and liking it, because it is cold, and because it is your heart (sorry, I totally messed up that Stephen Crane reference)...
Author mendsley Posted October 30, 2013 Author Posted October 30, 2013 Too be honest, 30/60/90 days wouldnt really matter at this point. I'm truly at the point where im happy with myself... with or without her. It will be her loss and someone else's gain if she bounces. Im not dating for a while anyways so 30 days seems reasonable to me. Keep in mind I'm not going to sit around waiting for her to decide. Im going to live my life and if she chooses to be a part of it then so be it :-) We'll see what happens! 1
Author mendsley Posted November 3, 2013 Author Posted November 3, 2013 (edited) So my girlfriend left me about a month ago and I instantly went NC. The few times I saw her and we spoke (once by accident and the other because she popped into my work) I thought I was going to tell her I want to move on and this little break she thinks we are on is not happening. The last time we spoke the conversation evolved I ended up budging and telling her I would give her 30 days to decide if she wants to reconcile or not. Since I said that (last weekend) I have been feeling like I allowed her put me in her pocket. I also felt like it's bull**** she would string me along that long. Last night I made my mind up and said no more. I told myself I would sleep on it and if I felt this way in the morning I would let her know. I woke up this morning and my mind was still made up, I want out. I sat down wrote her a nice email explaining I want to move on without her and good luck on life. I feel sad that I wrote that letter, I know it's for the best, but I'm still a little sad. I know this had to happen because it would of never been the same and stringing this along is not emotionally healthy for either of us. I will feel better after a few days, but today I'm sad. Maybe an email is not the best way to let he know what I want, but I figure if she really cared then she wouldn't want to keep me in her pocket for 60 days (yes, that is how long she wanted to wait and I told her 30 days). Anyways, just wanted to get this out of my head. Edited November 3, 2013 by mendsley
Lost_Dragon Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Sounds to me like it was your best option to email her. In person she has some kind of charm over you. Sometimes, an email, letter, or text is the best way to say what you need to without interruption. Stick to your guns! She's the one stringing you along like some kind of safety net. You know where you stand. She is the hesitant one.
Author mendsley Posted November 4, 2013 Author Posted November 4, 2013 (edited) Thanks for the reply, I kind of expected her to write something back showing some emotion and all I got was "That's fine." I'm a little disturbed/disapointed thats all I got. I was very nice in the letter and at least she could of wrote a full sentence in return. I've been checking my email like crazy thinking she'll send a follow-up letter, but I need to accept she's too proud. This did set me back, but at the same time I feel there's an end to all this "break" drama. Edited November 4, 2013 by mendsley
Author mendsley Posted November 6, 2013 Author Posted November 6, 2013 This last weekend I told my ex that I no longer want to play along with this whole "break" situation since it feels like I'm a safety net. I felt good telling her these things, but now the realization she'll be gone hit me hard the last couple of days. I know this is what needs to happen, but I feel sad... I really love(d) this woman and hate the fact she could just walk away with little effort. I've been running a lot and working out in the gym, so I know these feelings will subside. I just need to talk more about my feeling and since I dont have many people to talk with I'll post here. I feel used, played and disapointed in this whole ordeal. Ugh, I hate this.
strive Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 It's okay to feel sad. Me too I'm so ready to move on and have been doing all the right things like LC (because of child, otherwise I'd go NC), exercising and eating right, but I still can't shake the dark cloud above my head. Keep posting and let it out!
Nubcake Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 Better to stop it early then actually have your fears played out like what happened to me. My ex checked out of relationship, but stayed with lies of loving me until she found interest in someone using me emotionally.
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