aaron11892 Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 I'm keeping a really close eye on this thread because I can relate to it so much, as can a few other people i'm sure. Does anyone have any logical explanation for how a girl can be so in love with you, telling you she wants a future with you, she doesn't ever want another man, wants to get married, and then suddenly begins losing interest? The only thing I can think of is she loves being in the honeymoon stage and thinks that a relationship should always be full of highs and if a minor setback occurs, she gives up. She started getting distant a month before the break up, I was noticing her being less initmate, sex went from a couple of times a week to once in the last month. texts and calls were shorter and much less frequent... She said she wanted to be single and that I don't make enough effort, when I was the one always travelling to see her. Sounds like she was picking at straws and she doesn't even know why she lost interest. Anybody have any kind of explanation?
Author Cream Posted November 7, 2013 Author Posted November 7, 2013 (edited) I'm keeping a really close eye on this thread because I can relate to it so much, as can a few other people i'm sure. Does anyone have any logical explanation for how a girl can be so in love with you, telling you she wants a future with you, she doesn't ever want another man, wants to get married, and then suddenly begins losing interest? The only thing I can think of is she loves being in the honeymoon stage and thinks that a relationship should always be full of highs and if a minor setback occurs, she gives up. She started getting distant a month before the break up, I was noticing her being less initmate, sex went from a couple of times a week to once in the last month. texts and calls were shorter and much less frequent... She said she wanted to be single and that I don't make enough effort, when I was the one always travelling to see her. Sounds like she was picking at straws and she doesn't even know why she lost interest. Anybody have any kind of explanation? your story is almost exactly the same as mines. less sex. communication was limited. i asked my girl "why are you giving up?" she said "letting go doesn't mean giving up." which i have no idea what that means. she also said "letting go doesn't mean moving on." it seemed my ex wanting to find every little excuse to leave, and not looking at all the ways it could work. Edited November 7, 2013 by Cream
aaron11892 Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 your story is almost exactly the same as mines. less sex. communication was limited. i asked my girl "why are you giving up?" she said "letting go doesn't mean giving up." which i have no idea what that means. she also said "letting go doesn't mean moving on." it seemed my ex wanting to find every little excuse to leave, and not looking at all the ways it could work. Were we dating the same girl? lol How did she end things with you? Mine did it by text message, what a coward! And also what did she say to you before breaking it up? What were her so called reasons?
KatZee Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 This is not just a girl thing, my ex (guy) pulled the same crap with me, also dumped me via text message (after almost THREE YEARS by the way) and also gave me BS reasons. Come to find out there was another girl involved and he was dating her shortly thereafter. Anyway, I went NC from day one and remained NC, never faltering once. NC makes you go through all the emotions. Regret, sadness, anxiety, remorse, and of course the anger if you were disrespected and treated badly. My anger stage lasted A LONG time (think 4-6 MONTHS). Every day I woke up and the first thing I thought about was how much I hated him. I would be brushing my teeth and cursing him out in my head. I would be walking to work thinking about how disgusting of a human being he was. Hate, hate, hate, hate, hate consumed me. You just have to ride through it. But I remember how much it sucked because I just didn't eve want to think about him anymore but the anger overrode everything. I also realized I was more angry at myself than at him. I had allowed him to mistreat me, blind me, manipulate me, abuse me, cheat on me, and to treat me like garbage. I stayed through all of that, so the anger and hate was mostly at myself. Once I forgave MYSELF I started releasing the anger. 1
Author Cream Posted November 7, 2013 Author Posted November 7, 2013 Were we dating the same girl? lol How did she end things with you? Mine did it by text message, what a coward! And also what did she say to you before breaking it up? What were her so called reasons? lol. Mine did it through text too. She got mad because one of my ex's liked my photo on Instagram. She said "I'm done." but that was just an excuse to leave me.
crederer Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 Your situation sounds just like mine except my relationship was quite a bit longer. She was head over heels for me, said the same things as yours. We started looking at apartments to move in together. Even 2 days before we broke up (the last time we hung out as a couple) she was going on about how lucky she is to have me, loves me, blah blah. Then she broke up with me. Didn't really give a real reason just a bunch of "it's not you, it's me" garbage.
mtnbiker3000 Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 I also realized I was more angry at myself than at him. I had allowed him to mistreat me, blind me, manipulate me, abuse me, cheat on me, and to treat me like garbage. I stayed through all of that, so the anger and hate was mostly at myself. Once I forgave MYSELF I started releasing the anger. Yeah. I am angry at her. But more so at myself as well. It also scares me, because I wasn't totally oblivious to the situation but seemed powerless to do anything about it. It makes me feel weak and foolish.
Sugarkane Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 Our breakups were so similar. Ii hate taking the high road. This is not just a girl thing, my ex (guy) pulled the same crap with me, also dumped me via text message (after almost THREE YEARS by the way) and also gave me BS reasons. Come to find out there was another girl involved and he was dating her shortly thereafter. Anyway, I went NC from day one and remained NC, never faltering once. NC makes you go through all the emotions. Regret, sadness, anxiety, remorse, and of course the anger if you were disrespected and treated badly. My anger stage lasted A LONG time (think 4-6 MONTHS). Every day I woke up and the first thing I thought about was how much I hated him. I would be brushing my teeth and cursing him out in my head. I would be walking to work thinking about how disgusting of a human being he was. Hate, hate, hate, hate, hate consumed me. You just have to ride through it. But I remember how much it sucked because I just didn't eve want to think about him anymore but the anger overrode everything. I also realized I was more angry at myself than at him. I had allowed him to mistreat me, blind me, manipulate me, abuse me, cheat on me, and to treat me like garbage. I stayed through all of that, so the anger and hate was mostly at myself. Once I forgave MYSELF I started releasing the anger.
Author Cream Posted November 7, 2013 Author Posted November 7, 2013 at least I know I'm not alone. who here thinks this was just a fling?? Would it be considered that? Or a relationship, because we were emotionally invested.
KatZee Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 Our breakups were so similar. Ii hate taking the high road. Oh, I never said I took the high road. Before I went NC I verbally assaulted him via text messages and then sent him a HUGE e-mail telling him what a piece of s.hit he was and that I regretted ever meeting him. You better believe I tore him 5 new a.ssholes.
lindsay1990 Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 In response to the title of your thread, NC is working because its the only thing that truly sets in motion the moving on and healing. If you weren't in NC, you would be in break up limbo which is a million times worse. The anger and resentment are just natural stages of the grieving process, and as with all stages you can go back and forth from them. The importance of this stage is that since your anger probably comes primarily from a place of feeling treated unfairly (stupid reasons, blindsided, given up on, etc) once cracked, you will realize that things were not entireky in your control. And more importantly? That are not in control now. That is an absolute must for healing; and like I said it's not an overnight process and its definity not linear but ir definitely means your getting there. 1
BC1980 Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 Does anyone have any logical explanation for how a girl can be so in love with you, telling you she wants a future with you, she doesn't ever want another man, wants to get married, and then suddenly begins losing interest? I really struggled with this same thing from my ex. He brought up marriage a few months into the relationship. Months later, he acted like he had never brought that up. I thought maybe I had just misjudged the situation. That was the first time. There are so many more instances, but I won't recount them hers. Basically, I spent (wasted) 3 years of my life with him, and people were telling me to leave him. Apparently, from what I have read, this could be the mark of someone emotionally unavailable. I don't want to label people without warrant, but I had such a struggle reconciling my exes actions that I was grasping at anything to explain what had happened. Some people are hot and cold and send mixed messages. Just stay away from them. I get so angry at myself for staying with this man and doing so much for him. It makes me sick honestly, and, right now, I don't know what I might say if I saw him. So I'm in the anger stage too, but I'm also going back into sadness at times. Like someone else said, NC is the only thing that allows you to begin to process these emotions, but there is no short cut.
Author Cream Posted November 15, 2013 Author Posted November 15, 2013 our relationship lasted only half a year, but is there a chance she may come back?? she told me herself that if i let go, and we both heal, she might come back if our paths cross again. the thing is i begged and kept bothering her to the point she's tired of me, and takes back everything she offered. i'm just hoping during this time of NC and leaving her alone, she will cool down and think twice about us. what are the chances for me? did i ruin it or is she just burnt out on me for now?
me85 Posted November 15, 2013 Posted November 15, 2013 (edited) There's a 50/50 chance of her coming back. Remember that. Live your life as if she's NOT coming back. NC really works in our favor, even if they never return. You and her may have another shot at making it work in the future but do your own thing like you did before you dated her. Whatever it was, do it. Edited November 15, 2013 by me85
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