LimeBlue Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 Has anyone ever had an argument (not screaming, just a heated argument) with their spouse and noticed the sheer hatred in their eyes? H and I recently had an argument and for the first time, after 16 years together, I saw nothing but sheer hatred and resentment in his eyes. Things have been 'normal' since then and neither of us have raised it since, but I just cannot get past the look in his eyes. I landed up crying whilst he went off at me. I cannot get that hatred and resentment look of his out of my mind. We have a holiday booked for December, but how on earth am I ever going to enjoy it if I cannot get past this? I honestly think he hates the living sight of me. Yet he will not end it, and if i mention divorce he hangs on like his life depends on it. What is going on?
TigerCub Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 Sorry I don't know your back story, but why would he resent and hate you?
GorillaTheater Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 Sorry I don't know your back story, but why would he resent and hate you? That, and how many times have you brought up divorce?
Mr. Lucky Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 Has anyone ever had an argument (not screaming, just a heated argument) with their spouse and noticed the sheer hatred in their eyes? How do you know his eyes aren't conveying desperation? Or frustration? You're basing a lot on a little... Mr. Lucky 2
BetrayedH Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 Time to seriously sit him down and talk about it. 1
Lauriebell82 Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 I would think if your husband truly hated you then he wouldn't be married to you. But that's just my opinion. I think you may be confusing anger/frustration/annoyance with hatred. I think you need to talk to him about it. Not accusing him of hated you (that will NOT HELP!) but tell him you are concerned because you saw a different look in him then you have previously and ask him what it's about. Communication is key. 3
Daisy2013 Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 Oh yes, I have seen it. Either that, or it is pure anger. However, is is usually when he is mad about things re himself, I didn't cause it.
crederer Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 Was this a one time thing or does he do it often? If it was a one time thing it was probably a look of anger, not hatred. And what caused it? Was it justified (to be angry)?
JamesM Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 Usually what we interpret as hatred is actually anger. When in a heated fight we all say and do things we regret to some degree. And anger has a way of appearing as hatred. If you asked your husband at that very moment what he felt, then I am guessing that he would say extreme anger and perhaps even say he hated you. But in reality when the emotions subsided, then he would say it was anger and that he did not hate you at all. I have been to that point a couple of times in our marriage, but honestly, I haven't hated my wife. Resentment? Yes, but that is not hatred. BTW, it is not anger or even hatred that should be your biggest concern in a marriage. Hatred occurs because we still care. Apathy is the biggest concern. If your husband becomes apathetic, then he simply no longer has any feelings. With hatred or anger, he still cares enough to feel towards you and those feelings can be reversed. If he is apathetic, then it is difficult to gain back love. Hence, why some couples fight or get the other person to fight...they want some sign that the other person cares even if it is negative emotions. 1
angie2443 Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 I've looked at a couple of your other threads. This relationship sounds unhealthy. Are there children involved? Sorry if I missed it. Anyways, it sounds like your husband is not bieng honest about parts of himself (based on other threads). Do you feel close to himj?
devilish innocent Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 I can't say my husband has ever looked at me with hatred, only frustration from time to time. I would say that feelings are fleeting and the look during one moment doesn't mean anything, even if it does look like pure more hatred. But if you are contemplating divorce and worrying about how you will enjoy vacation a month from now, I'm sure there must be a lot more going on in your marriage. Though unless your husband is strongly against divorce, he must be pretty comfortable with the over-all situation to want to stay in the marriage.
AlwaysGrowing Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 The biggest mistake we all make is assigning emotions to other people. They are the ones that get to assign what they were feeling. We can...look at their actions and proceed from there. Just frigging ask him. 1
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