She Needs Space??? To Busy For Me?? Woman's Insight Would Be Nice??? Help Me!!!!!

[timwilson]

Hi just wanted to hear all kinds of advice....here is the deal....I was dating this girl for about a 1 yr and half and then one day she decided she couldn't talk to me, and had no real clear reason why this was so. She said she was confused and couldn't explain why she was feeling how she was, etc..

 

So after the shock I finally tried to give her space...and i have sort of. It has been over 3 months and our contact has been reduced to text messages and short talks on the phone. I have seen her a couple and times and been out with her recently in the last week or so. I don't have any clue what she is trying to do, everything seemed so great and all that.

 

The weird thing is I cant get over her, and to tell the honest truth this is the first girl i have really truly loved, and also been in a serious relationship with..she knew that and I am thinking she might have gone through this before in the past with other bf's and knows how it is tough it can be, but i should get over it???

 

Also she is really been busy at her new job, moved farther away to be close to that job (20 mins or so from me), and been going out alot with her work friends, just trying to do new things it seems like. She says she likes how she feels out when i am not around, but also has a great time with me...and almost that she is torn in trying to have to make a decision on me or that no commitment lifestyle...i don't know.

 

At her house she has a picture of her and me by the bed, and tells me things like she loves to wear my socks bc they are mine, and that she always sees things that remind her of me, and all that stuff. I don't understand how she thinks about it so much, but feels this is the way to handle it??? It seems odd to me that after dating for over a year and half that she could just do this....any one got any advice or a firm slap on my face with some sense

 

anything would help i just i am so damn confused....any more details needed i can give.. thanks to all

[theone44]

Originally posted by timwilson

Hi just wanted to hear all kinds of advice....here is the deal....I was dating this girl for about a 1 yr and half and then one day she decided she couldn't talk to me, and had no real clear reason why this was so. She said she was confused and couldn't explain why she was feeling how she was, etc..

 

So after the shock I finally tried to give her space...and i have sort of. It has been over 3 months and our contact has been reduced to text messages and short talks on the phone. I have seen her a couple and times and been out with her recently in the last week or so. I don't have any clue what she is trying to do, everything seemed so great and all that.

 

The weird thing is I cant get over her, and to tell the honest truth this is the first girl i have really truly loved, and also been in a serious relationship with..she knew that and I am thinking she might have gone through this before in the past with other bf's and knows how it is tough it can be, but i should get over it???

 

Also she is really been busy at her new job, moved farther away to be close to that job (20 mins or so from me), and been going out alot with her work friends, just trying to do new things it seems like. She says she likes how she feels out when i am not around, but also has a great time with me...and almost that she is torn in trying to have to make a decision on me or that no commitment lifestyle...i don't know.

 

At her house she has a picture of her and me by the bed, and tells me things like she loves to wear my socks bc they are mine, and that she always sees things that remind her of me, and all that stuff. I don't understand how she thinks about it so much, but feels this is the way to handle it??? It seems odd to me that after dating for over a year and half that she could just do this....any one got any advice or a firm slap on my face with some sense

 

anything would help i just i am so damn confused....any more details needed i can give.. thanks to all

 

 

 

 

 

 

Her interest of love for you is a all time low. when a woman love you,there nothing in the world that won't stop her not wanting to be with you. She is trying to break-up with you. with-out hurting your feeling(women do these things) Either you starting to produce wussy behavior,or being to nice or not a challenge to her anymore,but there is still hope for your situation. Just back off from her completely,no phone call,text,no visit,no e-mail,no flower,card.no anything. Even,if she call you avoid it,i don't care if it kill you,and start being more confidence,work on your own life,don't be so available to her,being tooooo nice to a woman can kill a man chances quickly,and don't be a wussy. Women like strong-willed men,who have a sense of humor with respect and confidence. Follow this,and i promise you she will be like butter back into your hand. (do the no contact with her for a month and see what happen).

[HokeyReligions]

Please don't play games with her. Call her and tell her you want to have a serious discussion about your relationship. Then get together and talk about it. What do you want from the relationship? Where do you see the relationship going? What are your feelings about how things have been recently? What do you want from yourself? What do you want from her? Ask yourself these questions and discuss them with her and ask her the same questions. Talk about your goals and priorities, and your feelings and what your realistically see as your future with her, and what your ideal future with her would be like. If you are thinking life-long commitment and she is leaning in that direction also, then you need to discuss some heavier topics like politics, religion, children, families, sex & it's place in the relationship, etc. I would hold off on those topics for a while though---right now you need to decide if the relationship is viable.

 

If she started a new job I can understand her spending more time with that and her co-workers. That is important. And, just because someone is in a relationship does not mean that they can't have friends and activities outside of that relationship. That is important to personal growth. It gives each partner new things to talk about and share when they are together.

 

That is something you might talk with her about -- sharing her new self with you. It doesn't have to be a choice between you and her job and friends.

 

Be prepared though, if she is growing as a person and discovering new self confidence and new interests then she may be growing away from you even though she might not want that. I'm sure she is confused too. If you two can't reach some compromises -- continue dating on a casual basis, or make a committment to date only each other and spend a certain amount of time together each week, then perhaps it is for the best that you make a clean break of it before you are forced to endure further hurt.

 

Talk with her and listen to her. She sounds confused too. If you love her more than she loves you, then you are bound to be hurt--but you can get past that. You said this was your first serious relationship and if we are lucky we all have more than one. It might not seem lucky when you are going through the pain of the breakup, but later when you love again, and are loved in return you will be glad of what you learned about yourself in this situation.

[PSmith]

I went through almost the exact same thing you did about 6 months ago. I even posted here about it if you’re interested.

 

For some unknown reason she’s decided to focus on her and let your relationship linger. It’s time to decide what’s best for you. You need to have a serious talk with yourself and make a choice. Try to stick it out and see what the future holds, or put your best effort into forgetting about her and moving on.

 

For me the choice was clear. I was miserable with the way things were going. My solution was to end the relationship and move on, which I’ve done. It’s going to hurt a lot, but it will get better in time. Where as staying in this limbo is a constant never ending hurt. I felt I deserved better. I deserve to be with someone who wants me as much as I want them. And you know what? Here I am 6 months later feeling good about my life. I’ve been out on dates and have met someone that I see regularly. Too early to tell how serious this one will become, but it’s headed in a good direction.

 

I wish you luck, in whatever choice you make. All I can say is that I’ve never regretted my decision.

[Green_and_White]

I just want to let you know you aren't all alone. Girls do this all the time. I was in a great relationship. We both just graduated from college and were ready to start living in the "real" world. She gave me the speach about how she needs space and loves me so much but just needs to be by herself for awhile. She breaks up with me 4 days later over the phone. I havent seen her since the first week in september and we live 7 miles away. I hate to tell you this but I think it's over for you two. I followed everyone's advice on here and applied no contact. We've havent spoken for a month twice already. She has a bf now. She told me she didnt want to be with anyone but when I found out she was dating I called her and just asked and she lied about that (we share mutual friends). I would say in all honesty don't talk to her anymore, nothing. Its not worth it. If someone really cared, or EVER cared about someone then they would not just give up on that person and not want to be with them. Question what her intentions for you were all along. I know I have.

[GreenCap]

Green & White

 

I share your sentiments. GF of 3 years moved out to get space, three months later found a guy she wants to marry and willing to relocate to another country to be with him. She'll be on a flight Saturday to be with him for Xmas and New Years. This is what breaking no contact does (if you haven't seen my rantings in other threads), it makes you want to die twice more.

 

I don't know whether her reasons for our breakup are valid or not for what matters is that they are justified in her mind. I can't change what she thinks unless she is willing to listen. But it boils down to, if she treasured the relationship and wants to make it work or revitalize it, she would put in effort rather than look elsewhere.

[Miss Perfection]

Dude....

 

The more you "SHOW" her that you "NEED" her, the more she's going to run the other way.

 

Hate to break it to you, but usually when somebody( typically a woman) says that they "need a break", it means........

 

a) You don't do it for me anymore.

b) I'm not attracted to you as much.

c) The relationship has gone stale.

d) I want to bang another guy.

 

The overall thinking in this is just to make HER feel LESS GUILTY of what SHE really IS.

 

I could be all wrong, but usually it's one of the above mentioned. If I were you, I would sac up, look through the love (that has made you blind), and hope for a miracle (IF you REALLY want her back). Get busy with stuff you enjoy, things to take your mind off of her. Remember, she's gotta like you and if she wants a break, hounding her up and down isn't going to make her "FALL FOR YOU" more.

[moon]

This girl sounds confused. Or like she wants to date other people. But it seems you're being calm about it (sort of good in the long run) and she's keeping you in her life a bit too. Hum, I think you've got to let us know what is going to happen. Probably only time will tell. You could give her an ultimatum, me or your swinging singles life (or she'll be cut off from you for good). Might make a dent---don't know. Or you could just play it cool like you are doing and still meet with her sometimes and just kind of wait it out. Or you could back off and sort of initiate a no contact thing.

 

It seems like it could go any way. I hope she doesn't hook up with one of her work friends. Sorry you had to hear that. But if she is just wanting to be single so she can play the field.......her great interest in her work friends (could be cute guys?) might not help things along. I might in a gentle and easy (non interogative) casual way bring up the subject of these work chums. Does she have any interest in any of them, you might ask?(if you are still meeting with her to "talk")...... If not, your guess is as good as mine. Maybe it's just the age old desire for space... who knows. But even your post sounds calm. You haven't strangled her yet for making you so frustrated trying to figure this out. So you must be doing something right. This relationship seems like it could work if your former girlfriend makes up her mind what the devil she wants out of life. It sort of seems, though, that she's telling you in her round about way that she kind of wants you still in her life (calls, text messages, etc), but she also wants to play the field too. Frustrating....but it seems you're handing it well. That in itself is commendable. You aren't ranting or raving....just stating the facts and holding on for her to come to her own conclusion. Most of my break ups are like train wrecks, so it's refreshing to hear you're able to still be in contact with this girl even though she seems to be not be giving you a lot of clear singles (I'd be pissed off). Better yet, you might want to just never expect her to come back to you and move on with your (dating) life like she's probably about to do. No matter how hard and frustrating that might sound to you. What exactly is your ex telling you to do?

 

Good luck.

[Miss Perfection]

""" It sort of seems, though, that she's telling you in her round about way that she kind of wants you still in her life (calls, text messages, etc), but she also wants to play the field too. """"

 

A.K.A "I WANT TO KEEP YOU IN THE BACKBURNER JUST INCASE I DONT FIND SOMEONE BETTER BECAUSE YOU DIDNT DO ANYTING BAD TO ME IT JUST THAT IM A WHORE AND I SAW A CUTER GUY AND I WANT TO F*CK HIM BUT I DONT WANT YOU TO HATE ME BECAUSE IT MIGHT NOT WORK OUT WITH HIM AND I WONT HAVE ANYONE TO FALL BACK TO."

 

 

Do me a favor and drop this girl................unless you want to be a doormat for the rest of your life.

 

MOST WOMEN ARE LIKE THIS....

[theone44]

Originally posted by Miss Perfection

""" It sort of seems, though, that she's telling you in her round about way that she kind of wants you still in her life (calls, text messages, etc), but she also wants to play the field too. """"

 

A.K.A "I WANT TO KEEP YOU IN THE BACKBURNER JUST INCASE I DONT FIND SOMEONE BETTER BECAUSE YOU DIDNT DO ANYTING BAD TO ME IT JUST THAT IM A WHORE AND I SAW A CUTER GUY AND I WANT TO F*CK HIM BUT I DONT WANT YOU TO HATE ME BECAUSE IT MIGHT NOT WORK OUT WITH HIM AND I WONT HAVE ANYONE TO FALL BACK TO."

 

 

Do me a favor and drop this girl................unless you want to be a doormat for the rest of your life.

 

MOST WOMEN ARE LIKE THIS....

 

 

Well said Miss Perfection,and you took the word right out of my mouth.

[Weird]

Yeah man dont waste your time on this girl. Not worth it as she needs a lot of growing up to do.