riza.lyon Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 Alright, some background info real quick: Me and this guy have known each other for since 4th grade. We immediately hit it off in elementary school (if you can even call it that) but both of us were too shy to do anything. We essentially texted every day but never did anything. Basically, we went to different middle schools and then in 9th grade he moved about 45 minutes away. However, we still texted everyday. This continued for about 1 year. We did meet up once, I had a boyfriend at the time so nothing happened, but that was the last time I saw him - I was 16. So since I have known him, I have seen him those 2 years at school and then once after that. It has now been 4 years since I have seen him at all. Okay, so my background info...the reason we fell out of touch is because I started dating this guy, we dated for 3 years, i thought i was in love, but it didn't work out. We broke up about 4 months ago. Then about 2 months ago it was this guys (lets call him Mark) birthday. I reached out to Mark and started talking to him. We have texted EVERY day since then. Essentially, we picked up right where we left off without hitch. He's seriously the perfect guy and is exactly how i remember him and apparently I'm the same too. However, one huge issue. He has a girlfriend. His girlfriend is super pretty, awesome, and loves him unconditionally. THey have been dating about 2 years and I just do not know what to do about that so I just pretend she doesn't exist most of the time. Anyways, their relationship seems good - me and Mark don't really talk about it because I don't think it would be a good idea (thats how cheating starts). Anyways, they have been in a LDR for the past year so clearly there is some commitment there. I have made sure to keep our texting strictly friendly and there is a complete absence of flirting...... up until recently - shame on me. Anyways, me and his girlfriend both live in Alabama, but he is currently in Wisconsin. Recently me and Mark have been discussing me coming to see him...and i REALLY want to. I understand that if we saw each other nothing could happen - I'm not trying to be the other girl (this man is marriage material, and I don't wanna eff this up). Okay, so I'm super hung up on this guy right now, and believe me when I say that he knows how i feel but he also knows that I would never do anything with him while he had a gf. And it has gotten to the point that i can't even enjoy causal sex with other guys (no bueno). So finally here it is...my question.... should i just go and see him and see if we are actually as compatible in person as we are via text message (because we have always been super awkward in person)? Because I don't wanna spend the next 6 months- 1 year texting him and falling for him even more just to find out that in person we don't even get along. I already have asked off work, its just a matter of booking the flight. I just wanna know if y'all think this is a good idea - cuz not gonna lie - I'm not so sure about this......... (Side Note: he wants me to come see him, he said that would be awesome, but I just don't know if i want to, like the flight that i can book (the cheapest one by 200) is for Thursday-Tuesday. I am NOT trying to be stuck in some weird state, at Mark's house, all awkward and sh*t for like 4 days. Im also just really scared that my idea of him won't live up to my imagination..i tell you guys, I have literally been hung up on this guy for YEARS and Im just scared he isn't gonna live up to my expectations - cuz i have spent countless hours daydreaming about this guy....ugh) Well congrats if you made it through all that....and thanks for reading (and HELP please)
exotica Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 I don't think you should go for several reasons. 1. I don't think it would be fair on his gf. How would you feel if your bf had a girl staying with him for a few days especially if this girl had feelings for him. And i know you said that you wouldn't do anything cos you don't wanna be the other woman but you could feel very differently when he's there in person and you feel you both have an amazing connection. 2. You say you wanna go to see if you would actually be compatible in person. Let's say you are, then what? Do you think that he would leave his girlfriend for you? Has he hinted towards that? Cos there's no point you flying all that way, spending all that money just to find out that you think you're both compatible but he's unwilling to leave his gf for you. You mentioned that he knows your feelings, do you know his? 3. What's stopping him from coming to visit you? You said his gf live in the state as you so surely he visits her sometimes. The next time he goes to visit her he can drop by and visit you too. So no, i don't think its a good idea, i think you're just setting yourself up for a fall. 1
tlegend Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 If you loved your boyfriend unconditionally and found out, somehow, that he had a woman stay with him for a few days but "nothing happened", how would you feel? You don't want to eff this up? Do it the right way then. Don't go stay with this guy for a few days. 1
Zahara Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 Okay, so I'm super hung up on this guy right now, and believe me when I say that he knows how i feel but he also knows that I would never do anything with him while he had a gf. ) Then don't go and stay in his house for a few days because doing that means you ARE doing something with him while he has a gf. And the fact that texts went flirty, that has already crossed the line. Everything else in your post is irrelevant. Engage with men that are emotionally available to you. Not ones that are taken, ones that need you to fly to see them and ones that have no problems flirty texting with another woman when they have a girlfriend. 2
emva07 Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 it's as if subconsciously you would like to be compatible once you get there so much so that he leaves his gf and this "marriage material" guy becomes all yours. I really don't understand why females are like this. SMH.
LivingDeadGrl Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 I agree with the above. Put yourself in the gf's postition, how would you feel? Does she even know about you? I think you should take a complete step back. The guy is in a relationship, he is unavailable right now and could be indefinitely. Stop putting your eggs into this basket.
tlegend Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 I agree with the above. Put yourself in the gf's postition, how would you feel? Does she even know about you? I think you should take a complete step back. The guy is in a relationship, he is unavailable right now and could be indefinitely. Stop putting your eggs into this basket. Especially because you haven't even seen this guy in ...years? THAT'S being in love with the idea of someone, not them. My 2 cents. 1
Author riza.lyon Posted November 6, 2013 Author Posted November 6, 2013 Okay, so i think y'all are definitely right. It was a stupid idea. I'll just move on. Thank you
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