jayta78 Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 (edited) I have been dating Ronan officially for a year but we've been slowly getting together for about 2 years. He is an introvert. He does not like socializing a lot unless he's in the mood which does not happen a lot. He is selective in the people he enjoys spending time with, which limits my time with others if I want to spend any time with him. He is a grad student so he's always immersed in his studies and projects and work. Anyway, so this past two weeks he's been stressed to the max. At least I think he was. So I chose to give him space. I thought 4 or 5 days was decent. I just wanted to connect with him. However, he was 'not in the mood'. I told him a little irritably that I would give him space but he shouldn't count on me being that happy to see him the next time we did see each other. However, I regretted how childish it sounded so I just explained how hurtful it was since I hadn't seen him in about a week. It sent the message 'Don't bother'. He then told me he was so annoyed with everything that he did not want to talk to me since he is liable to 'give up on us' while in this mood. This made me more upset than I was. I could not believe he had this thought in his head just because he was stressed. I said as much and asked why I should stay. He said this is not a time where he makes good decisions. That he was confused and not sure what to do. I told him that he could have space to think about it because at that moment I did not want to talk to him or see him. It has been two days since I sent that text to him with the snappy ender 'You didn't want to talk, you get your your wish'. Yeah not my shiniest moment. Now I don't know if I should just go no contact or if I should break the contact. He may be too busy with work. He may be trying to respect my wishes and give me space (he is kind of like that - not pushy about talking) or he may be really considering that it is for the best to just end it. I am so confused. I miss him terribly. I confided in him about everything. Should I try to work it out? Edited November 6, 2013 by jayta78
lindsay1990 Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 There's nothing to work out. IMO, he's lost interest and is trying to let you down easy. Maybe he'll miss you and have a change of heart about where you guys stand, but that's out of your control. Right now just back away and go no contact. The guy also needs space for his school so if you care about him (and don't want to annoy him) just leave him be. If he's going to come back to you, he'll do it on his own accord. Now there is nothing more you can do to influence him. Be calm and don't reach out further, is my advice.
Author jayta78 Posted November 12, 2013 Author Posted November 12, 2013 There's nothing to work out. IMO, he's lost interest and is trying to let you down easy. Maybe he'll miss you and have a change of heart about where you guys stand, but that's out of your control. Right now just back away and go no contact. The guy also needs space for his school so if you care about him (and don't want to annoy him) just leave him be. If he's going to come back to you, he'll do it on his own accord. Now there is nothing more you can do to influence him. Be calm and don't reach out further, is my advice. Well Ronan is not your typical guy. And he goes through a lot emotionally. Mentally stable? Maybe not. I know very well it's not because he doesn't want to see me. It's whether he wants me to be in his life certainly, is my issue. I love the guy. But he has a lot of his own baggage when it comes to the way he sees relationships. We are each other's first bf/gf. However other relationships in life has scarred him I do believe. He has anger issues (nothing he's ever subjected me to and would ever consider doing), but when he is trying to sort out his thoughts and anger because of stress and such, he shuts me out. My main issues with him is that he doesn't know whether this is forever. Of course, neither do I. However I don't think he understands that you can love someone enough to choose to be with them and want to work out things if the person is worth it to you. He is moving away probably for work and he doesn't want to ask me to go with him and drop everything if something doesn't work out and I am left to go home with nothing. He sees things in probabilities and always has to consider the 'bad things' that could happen. We had a talk. It was hard. Because I had to choose whether to give him another chance after hurting me with his words and silence. I think he thought I needed more than he could give. And I have never said that. Even though I do want to spend most of my time with him. It makes me happy to be with him. However, if he were to say, I need a day to myself, I would not have a problem with it. I think he believes he needs to spend all of his free time with him. We talked it through and it was the hardest thing. I could have turned everything off and said we need to stop. Maybe I should have. But in that moment I did not want to let him go. I know the limitations that come with him. Maybe it would have been best for him to have me let him go. Maybe we are incompatible. But after our break, I had the hardest time not imagining talking or being with him. After I said yes, he broke down (he had been quite aloof and reserved when waiting for my decision) and said he was happy that I said yes. He did not want to lose me. However, he then said, he did not want me to say yes because I pitied him. Then proceeded to show me his back - it was a cut. They were not deep cuts, but it hurt me to see them. I knew he had a history of doing this. I just had never seen fresh ones. My heart broke for him and what he was going through. I told him that this did not change how I felt about him, but it made me worried about him. I asked him to see someone. He said he had, but they did nothing for him. He knew what he needed to do to stop this from occurring but he had ignored it this past 2 weeks due to work and school. It scares me to think of the stress and mental anguish that would cause him to resort to this to snap him out of what he was going through. I just need people to pray for me about this. What to do and how to love him through it.
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