meisa Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 I've met this girl recently at a party. We've been texting for a while and now she asked if I want to go for drinks with her (just the two of us I suppose). How does this typically work? How do you tell if it's a date? I am supposed to take the bill etc? Ah ah. It's funny to be on the other side
d0nnivain Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 The person who does the asking generally pays the bill. I'd have enough money with you to cover the whole thing, just in case she didn't get that memo. If she sticks you with the check after she asked you out, I'd drop her like a hot potato
d0nnivain Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 Considering he is from the Northeast... This mindset doesn't surprise me. I'm a woman & I still think if she asked him, she ought to pay no matter where they live
Sunshine87 Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 Good gracious, pls pay. Don't be a cheap skate. How much would drinks costs? Not more than 50 dollars I presume. Please pay. It's the first date. Be a gentleman!
lukekarts Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 Rather than debate who pays for drinks, does anyone have any clue whether this is a date, as per the OP's original question?! haha. I'm not sure. It could be. Telling signs will be her body language / her behaviour. Just dress your best, smile lots (Assuming you're into her) and see what happens.
d0nnivain Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 It has all the hallmarks of a date but since no one here knows the lady in Q, we can't be certain. It may just be drinks to hang out as friends. My original response about the OP bringing enough money to pay for the drinks was not meant to open a debate on the subject of who pays but to caution anybody against making financial assumptions before getting to know somebody Growing up my mother always cautioned me that even if I expected a man to pay for our outing, I should nevertheless have enough cash to pay for it myself & take a cab home if necessary, lest the man in question turned out to be less than a gentleman. I think that's wise advice for both genders. Never get yourself into a situation you can't get out of.
clia Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 Do you want to date her? If so, you should offer to pay. 1
emva07 Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 We can't assume it is or isn't at this point, could be or could be her just wanting to go for a drink to test the waters or hang out...... As for who pays, yes, take enough money for two....you two may end up paying separately, she may pay it all herself since she invited, or if you feel you really like her and want to see more of her romantically, you may end up wanting to pay it all.
Omei Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 On a date im a ferm believer in both sharing the Bill untill offered or said "dont worry ill get it" untill those words slip out imo both should pay equally. I find that this method leaves both partys going home satisfied and no resentment started sharing the bill opens the door to further dates or an equal friendship. 1
emva07 Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 Good Christ, do people actually feel resentment for having treated someone else to a couple of drinks totaling maybe $13 or $14.00? I mean, really?? Wow. lol, I know right. 1
Kate9292 Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 It's a date if she feels about you that way. If not, it's not Theoretically you don't have to pay for her if she invited you, but it still would be a nice gesture and I'm sure she'd appreciate that.
todreaminblue Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 When she invites you home after your drink, wants to show you her Bedroom furniture, tells you she is tired and wants you to lay down with her, asks you to give her a message, kisses you, gets naked and helps you put it in... Maybe then you will start to think she might like you. Then again, maybe you won't. lol......ahh gonna miss the sarcasm of loveshack....lol.......cheers for the smile.....debbie
Kate9292 Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 I hope the women who suggest that he might want to pay the whole date don't consider themselves feminists. I mean, bribing someone to get next dates sounds very 50's, don't you think? Oh wait, I forgot that as long as women profit of it, gender inequality is perfectly okay, and it's actually ungentlemanly to even consider women equal human beings who can pay their own damn bill. Silly me. If any guy went on a tirade like this in front of me, he would never get a second date. And I'm sure girl who invited OP wouldn't give him a shot either if he did that. Yes, I can pay my own bill. Doesn't mean I don't like a nice treat every once in a while. How dare any woman feel good after being treated by a guy who likes her? If you think that's bribing and women only care about sucking you dry of your money, you're not gonna have fun time with dating.
Phantom888 Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 Yes this is a date. It's shameful for men to expect women to pay...or even split the bill. You can consider having her pay when you guys are steady and exclusive, as things get less formal when you guys are exclusive. But early in the courtship, a man should ALWAYS pay!! geez... 2
tlegend Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 It amazes me that people are on this site posting on HOW to date, and why they AREN'T getting dates. Here, this guy gets the woman to ask HIM out on a date and he's bitching about having to pay for the date? What. The. Hell?
crude Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 Yes this is a date. It's shameful for men to expect women to pay...or even split the bill. You can consider having her pay when you guys are steady and exclusive, as things get less formal when you guys are exclusive. But early in the courtship, a man should ALWAYS pay!! geez... You must be joking. A first date between strangers isn't a "courtship", it's a meet and greet. The only thing that's shameful is someone inviting another person out and NOT expecting to pay.
crederer Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 If it's a date or just friends you should be able to tell pretty quickly by her body language and such. I'd pay for it if she makes it clear it's a date, if she gushes about some other dude she has a crush on while getting the drinks then just pay your half.
Author meisa Posted November 7, 2013 Author Posted November 7, 2013 she did mention she is reading "50 shades of grey"..maybe Skid Mark is right! thanks for all the answers. for what is worth it, I was planning to pay..after all it might actually be some sort of date
Kate9292 Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 (edited) Do you treat men you like? I didn't think so. You either secretly don't want gender equality or you believe men don't like a nice treat every once in a while. The first one makes you a horrible human being, the latter makes you delusional. I'm not sure which one you would prefer?As the matter of fact, I do treat my bf. Not just buying him stuff every once a while, in other ways too Ways that are reserved for people who are not bitter and obsessed with equality, but only when it suits them... Nice try to jump to conclusions about someone you haven't even met once. I'm from an older generation so what I was raised to believe and what the younger set believes are probably two very different things. However, I've NEVER had some jerk go off on a bitter tirade about buying drinks or dinner on a date. Never have I experienced that. In fact, some of the extremely generous dates/places/trips I've been treated to over the years would probably make some of these guy's heads blow right off their shoulders. And no, I was not allowed to contribute one thin dime on ANY of them. Nor have I. And I hope never will. I hope that kind of bitterness is reserved for a few completely dateless guys online. And that would be pretty good reason why they are dateless. But none of my business what they do with that. Edited November 7, 2013 by Kate9292
carhill Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 I've met this girl recently at a party. We've been texting for a while and now she asked if I want to go for drinks with her (just the two of us I suppose). You can clarify that or leave it unresolved. How does this typically work? You meet for drinks and continue the interactions from the party and your texting. If things go well, perhaps move on to continuing the interactions while dining together. How do you tell if it's a date? If the two of you are alone and she doesn't try to sell you something or solicit something, then it's a date. I am supposed to take the bill etc? Ah ah. It's funny to be on the other side Do what you feel like doing. Each situation is different. As far as 'funny', you're an attractive and valuable human being and worthy of others seeking you out for social interactions and/or dating. Those who are uninterested are on that other planet, planet not you. Good luck. 1
Kate9292 Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 (edited) Wow, people in relationships give the other people gifts? That's new. And they have sex. My God! My world view is shaken! I obviously meant whether when you were dating ever treated a man to a first date. I'm sorry for not being clear enough. I'm used to speaking with men, see? Well, if you never had a relationship, how could you know it? And maybe assuming every woman around you is a horrible human being or delusional might have something to do with never having a relationship with one... But clearly, some guys prefer to be self-righteous in their own little fortresses of their preconceived notions instead of actually sharing time with someone whose company they enjoy. I give those guys a wide berth and so do most other women I know. Advice for OP - don't be that guy! Edited November 7, 2013 by Kate9292
crude Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 I'm from an older generation so what I was raised to believe and what the younger set believes are probably two very different things. However, I've NEVER had some jerk go off on a bitter tirade about buying drinks or dinner on a date. Never have I experienced that. What if the person who goes off on a bitter tirade about having to pay for dinner and drinks is a female jerk? Many women who are expected to pay for anything not only go ballistic, they enlist their friends to back them up. You older women just assume that the man pays for everything, that's your rule, no woman can be cheap, there's no equality, the man pays for everything, period. Some people simply believe in equality and hold a woman to the same standard of decency and courtesy that we expect from men. The one who does the asking does the paying. That's not bitterness, it's just believing in a SINGLE standard. 1
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