Arabella001 Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 (edited) I'm feeling a bit flat today as the guy I'm dating had anall day/night bender yesterday and failed to keep me in the loop as to when or if indeed he would get home. I got a message at 9pm ish (he was very drunk) and said his phonebattery was nearly flat, then no more messages. As we don’t live together Iwondered whether he would just turn up eventually, but when I awoke at 2am withno contact, I struggled to get back to sleep with worry. I have to admit I haveissues with anxiety and worry so I’m not sure how to respond to this. He calledme at 6:30 this morning to apologise with the excuse his phone went flat and hewas really sorry to worry me. Does this suggest I just don’t mean enough to him to makesure I’m not worried? He did start drinking at midday and was likely to go onall late, but most nights we spend together and the last time he got excessivelydrunk (this is the 3rd time) he eventually turned up to my house – although thelast 2 times were weekends…. Am I being silly and should just accept his apology, or isthis just a display of lack of respect? We were in such a good happy place themorning prior to his drinking spree…I don’t want to cause upset if I shouldjust brush this off as a silly mistake…(I’m no angel by any means!) Edited November 6, 2013 by Arabella001 formatting issue that needed deleting!
Balzac Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 .... brush this off as a silly mistake Mistake is an interesting choice of word.
d0nnivain Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 You clearly mean something to him because even though he was drunk he called you & not just for a booty call. He also explained that his phone was dying. You thus had a pre-emptive reason not to worry about the lack of communication for the rest of the night. He called you 1st thing in the morning. First, I don't think the guy had anything to apologize for. Second, why are you stirring up trouble where there isn't any? Granted if these benders are routine, that is a problem but you didn't say that. 1
Grumpybutfun Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 This is where you ask for what you want. You say "Boyfriend, I would like it if you would remember my phone number so you can borrow a friend's phone if your battery goes dead and call me if you are going to be late or stay out al night because I worry. Thank you for your cooperation. Pancakes?" However, something tells me this is more to do with him out drinking with his friends than being late. Grumps 1
Author Arabella001 Posted November 6, 2013 Author Posted November 6, 2013 You clearly mean something to him because even though he was drunk he called you & not just for a booty call. He also explained that his phone was dying. You thus had a pre-emptive reason not to worry about the lack of communication for the rest of the night. He called you 1st thing in the morning. First, I don't think the guy had anything to apologize for. Second, why are you stirring up trouble where there isn't any? Granted if these benders are routine, that is a problem but you didn't say that. Thanks for this. I am seeing that I am stirring trouble when really the problem is my anxiety. I guess I will just need to work on how to deal with anxiety - ie worrying that he is out, potentially blind drunk (on these rare occassions) and not going to come home to me.... He is sorry, I know he is, so I'll keep the most of this rant to myself, and just explain that it made me anxious... Thanks for the advice 1
Author Arabella001 Posted November 6, 2013 Author Posted November 6, 2013 This is where you ask for what you want. You say "Boyfriend, I would like it if you would remember my phone number so you can borrow a friend's phone if your battery goes dead and call me if you are going to be late or stay out al night because I worry. Thank you for your cooperation. Pancakes?" However, something tells me this is more to do with him out drinking with his friends than being late. Grumps This is kind of how I felt, although I would have likely got a drunken slurr and a promise of coming home at some point. So I think this is more about the anxiety it caused (my insecurities) about knowing there would be no contact until the morning. Scars from past experiences I think :-(
ascendotum Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 Thanks for this. I am seeing that I am stirring trouble when really the problem is my anxiety. I guess I will just need to work on how to deal with anxiety - ie worrying that he is out, potentially blind drunk (on these rare occassions) and not going to come home to me.... He is sorry, I know he is, so I'll keep the most of this rant to myself, and just explain that it made me anxious... Thanks for the advice You said you don't live together, so I gather he can do whatever he wants most nights of the week. If this was just one of those regular weeknights when he is not spending time with you, I think you are way over reacting to expect him to report in during his night out. Hey its nice if you hear from him to tell you how his night is going, but its not exactly an infraction if he gets too drunk and doesn't imo. If this was supposed to be one your get together nights, then I can understand why you are feeling annoyed he did not call you to let you know what time he would be coming over. He did call you first thing in the morning and apologized though. Things like this happend when guy's are out boozing with their mates. The fact that he called from his place makes me think it was just a night out with the lads, but you expect constant communication.
Author Arabella001 Posted November 6, 2013 Author Posted November 6, 2013 You said you don't live together, so I gather he can do whatever he wants most nights of the week. If this was just one of those regular weeknights when he is not spending time with you, I think you are way over reacting to expect him to report in during his night out. Hey its nice if you hear from him to tell you how his night is going, but its not exactly an infraction if he gets too drunk and doesn't imo. If this was supposed to be one your get together nights, then I can understand why you are feeling annoyed he did not call you to let you know what time he would be coming over. He did call you first thing in the morning and apologized though. Things like this happend when guy's are out boozing with their mates. The fact that he called from his place makes me think it was just a night out with the lads, but you expect constant communication. We have spent most nights of the last 8 or so months together and of course he has his boys nights too. This was a lunch time event that went all night and the morning before I left for work he said he'll keep me posted. This usually means he'll turn up eventually. But didn't. I'll get over it, I'll still have anxieties the next time he has intentions of a bender, but there ain't much else I can do...
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