I'm married, but want out!

[scaredandconfused]

I'm so confused and scared. I'm at a point in my life/marriage that either way is going to be difficult..

 

First, I'm married.... only been married for two years, not to mention I'm young.. I'm only 22.

 

Okay so let me first say... My husband has cheated on me at least 3 to 4 times, that I know of.. and he's cheated on me since we were started dating 4 years ago. I believe he's cheating agian, but I'm to the point now where I just don't care, and that alone scares me... But... let me go on... I never really wanted to marry my husband, I got married quickly and stupidly b/c I was pregnant, thinking everything will be okay. Well my marriage has NEVER been great, we get along "okay" but I am ALWAYS miserable, ALWAYS, I hide it the best I can and just truck through but every day I just cry in misery. I've never cheated, I had to be put on Anti-depressants and Anti-aniexity meds. My husband repulses me, I can't look at him with out wanting to throw up, b/c everytime I lookat him I think "what have I done, and my God what if he brings me some sort of disease home"

 

He is a military guy National Gaurd, and then when he's not he is traveling... he's usually home on weekends, when he is home at all. I never see him.

 

We have no sex life, we are like two strangers in the night. We never talk.

 

I never have given up... I've been trucking on... until recently....

I ran into an old flame who I think about almost every day... right before my husband and I got back together (before marriage while still dating) I was seeing this guy, I was madly in love with him, we had SOOOOO Much fun together, Just having him hold me was amazing, I think about it almost every day since I met him. But this guy and I took things really really slow, and I was impatient and he wanted to finish school before seriously dating (he was still in college) So we never persued a relationship, but gosh how I liked him so much.

well so anyways, I ran into him the other day... I immediatly wanted to jump in his arms and have him save me from my hell... but we ended up exchanging numbers and calling each other, simply to talk... ended up letting out everything, about my marriage and everything... He said that he had called one weekend, he had planned this big event where he was going to take me to this BEAUTIFUL Hotel for aweekend and him and I were going to spend the whole weekend together but when he had called my now husband had answered the cell phone and told him that we were engaged and what not... this was before we were actually engaged and just still dating, so my now husband lied to this guy who I liked so much but was to impatient to wait for. I never knew he called and thought he had blown me off... when really he thought I was already taken, which I wasn't... anyways..

 

My friend told me that he still cared about me alot and really missed me, and wanted to see me agian... he wants to take me out sometime.

I want to go sooooo badly, but I have this something called "marriage" holding me back.

My friend knows I'm married of course, but he also knows how miserable I am. He hates how my husband has cheated on me and told me that he basically believes that my marriage is null and void anyways and that he still cares so much about me...

 

btw my friend is 29 and still single, never been married and really doesnt date much... he's the most awesome guy.

 

But anyways... My husband is gone, gone for an overseas thing with the military for 18 months, which also makes me mad... he was gone all last year for overseas thing and left me home alone. He promised me he would get out of th emilitary at that point and never did. SO here I am alone agian I can't serve him divorce papers though, or at least they wouldn't be final for another 18 months or until he got back into the Usa.

 

I have never cheated on my husband, EVER I never even thought of it with out being completely guilty... but I want my friend so bad... I miss him so much and hate myself for marrying the jerk I did and missing out on this friend of mine who said he still wants to be with me...

 

WHAT DO I DO!?

[lostgirl26]

I understand how you feel. I too got married very young(21) and I guess for the wrong reasons, not pregnancy but other reasons. I too am also struggling with not been happy married, I have gone through the counceling thing and have a constant struggle with my emotions. I don't know what kind of advice I can offer except that you need to trust whats in your mind. You are too young to stay married and be unhappy. If he cheated so many times you have plenty of grounds for divorce. If you are worried about your child, then file for child support, thats the best that you can do. Don't make yourself crazy over been unhappy, sounds to me like you don't have much left to stay for. I would not get involved with another person right off the bat, if your friend truely likes you he will be willing to wait for you to get yourself and life together. Don't get me wrong I understand about having feelings for a friend, but the smart thing to do is wait, get divorced let all the child support issues be finalized, find yourself and get on your feet. Thats about all the advice I can offer since I am not strong enough to leave my marriage yet, but I also have different circumstances. Hoped that I helped a little and good luck!

[desparate]

Based upon my own mistakes, too many to mention, I may not be the best guy to give advice but what I can say is that life is way too short to be miserable. Right now it sounds like you are prolonging the inevitable. Your husband is not committed to you, your marriage or your family. I think you deserve more and your child deserves more. Kids need to be in a stable environment and they pick up on a lot more than we give them credit for. It's probably not the best idea to jump into anything with this other guy right now. You are likely feeling very lonely and want someone to make you feel wanted and needed. This other guy sounds great and he can be your light at the end of the tunnel but tread lightly. Focus on what you need to do for yourself and your child. Once you do that you will be in a much better state of mind to enter into this new relationship. Cheating is a complete lack of respect and the ultimate insult...your husband does not deserve you. Good luck to you and be strong...it's not easy right now but you will get through it...