jefermelesyeux Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 first, it's been almost a year since i've visited this site. i've missed it. moving on. i want to preface this by saying that i have a bad typical-twentysomething habit of over-thinking everything. i've gotten better, but still could stand to improve a bunch. that being said, i am talking to a guy in another city. he is in washington, dc, i am in buffalo, ny (though buffalo is his hometown). we met on a dating website. at first, i was only messaging him to pass the time. but we ended up having a connection i never expected. we moved the conversation to mobile and began an almost nightly routine of chatting on the phone. we'd sporadically text throughout the day and end the night by talking. our phone conversations typically last from an hour to about 3 hours. on thursday, halloween, i woke up to a text from him that said he wanted to let me know he was turning off his texting later that day, that it's been months in coming, and that he hoped to talk to me later that day. he gave me a call during my lunch break at work and further explained that he's never been a fan of texting and brings it back every so often, but prefers talking on the phone and sees texting as very misleading and a "double-edged sword." long(er) story short, i'm a bit worried. before, on nights that we didn't talk on the phone (he sometimes had very long days and wasn't up to it), we at least texted a bit as a fallback option. but now, we don't have that avenue. we talked on friday for a couple hours, skipped saturday, talked sunday for a couple hours, then yesterday i gave him a call and he didn't return it. today i didn't bother, and haven't heard from him yet (though typically our phone conversations don't happen until post-9 pm). naturally, i'm overreacting and have felt slightly sad all day. i enjoy our conversations, and i know he does too. he's even told me once before that i'm not quite aware yet of just how powerful an effect i can have on people. (not trying to brag here.) my main concern is that we no longer have texting as a form of communication, so on days that we don't talk on the phone, we don't talk at all. is this a real problem? am i just overreacting? is it necessary to talk everyday anyway? any advice would be greatly appreciated.
d0nnivain Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 Relax. One or two missed days early on in a relationship isn't a sign of the apocalypse. If you get to see each other IRL, there is no need for 3+ hour phone calls or long text exchanges in between meetings. If you get "good morning, have nice day" & write back u2, Leave it at that. You are on his mind. That should be enough.
Author jefermelesyeux Posted November 6, 2013 Author Posted November 6, 2013 Relax. One or two missed days early on in a relationship isn't a sign of the apocalypse. If you get to see each other IRL, there is no need for 3+ hour phone calls or long text exchanges in between meetings. If you get "good morning, have nice day" & write back u2, Leave it at that. You are on his mind. That should be enough. we haven't gotten to meet IRL yet. and i don't get those kinds of texts because he doesn't have texting. my point is that our phone calls are all we have right now; i miss him when we don't talk. but i also don't want to seem clingy, which is why i don't call more than once if he doesn't call back the first time.
d0nnivain Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 I missed the part where the phone calls are all that there is. However, daily communication at this early stage is still a lot. One or two skipped days shouldn't be the end of the world. Yes, it's the highlight but if you repeatedly bring it up, you may be putting too much pressure on him. I'd concentrate on figuring out when you can meet IRL
Phantom888 Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 It's natural to feel excited. As stated above, find an opportunity to meet as soon as possible. There is no point in investing so much emotion into something that may not even happen. Just relax and find some constructive distractions. Even in a real committed relationship, people often skip days without chatting due to life schedules. 1
Author jefermelesyeux Posted November 6, 2013 Author Posted November 6, 2013 I missed the part where the phone calls are all that there is. However, daily communication at this early stage is still a lot. One or two skipped days shouldn't be the end of the world. Yes, it's the highlight but if you repeatedly bring it up, you may be putting too much pressure on him. I'd concentrate on figuring out when you can meet IRL i agree that constantly bringing it up may be too much pressure. i try not to do that- i don't consistently remind him how much i enjoy talking with him. and when we do talk, it's so nice. we never run out of things to talk about. it's only been a few weeks since we started talking and i never planned on it but i do like him a lot so far. i also have a slight insecurity about the distance; i wonder sometimes why he can't find someone better in closer proximity to him.
Author jefermelesyeux Posted November 6, 2013 Author Posted November 6, 2013 It's natural to feel excited. As stated above, find an opportunity to meet as soon as possible. There is no point in investing so much emotion into something that may not even happen. Just relax and find some constructive distractions. Even in a real committed relationship, people often skip days without chatting due to life schedules. you're right. i guess my "problem" is that i think about him often. but distance supposedly makes the heart grow fonder, and i try to keep reminding myself that if we don't talk for a few days, it's ultimately more beneficial. i told him once that i missed him after not phone-chatting for a few days and he reciprocated. it was nice.
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