What Does He Want?

[VirgoLady]

An ex recently emailed me thru a classmates website and asked if I'd mail him back, which I did. I hadn't seen nor heard from him for around several years up until he contacted me and we had a relationship back then spanning five years. We were 'first loves'. Things didn't work out between us, we both moved on, married other people and I moved away with my husband.

 

Fast forward to the present, I'm now divorced and so I decided to mail my old flame after he'd asked me too, thinking that perhaps he too was now divorced/seperated. However when first mails were exchanged, he said he was still married, which kinda made me wonder why the heck he'd traced me thru this website and why he'd wanted me to mail him? Regardless we exchanged 'catching up' emails and in those mails he told me that he'd always thought about me, he cared about me still and he'd always wondered what had become of me. Likewise I told him the same, how I'd thought about him too, etc, etc. Once the initial catching up has been done though, we are still mailing each other around once every week, but these mails are just full of 'newsy' stuff. He isn't looking for any kind of emotional support/shoulder to cry on and he never discusses his wife, marriage or any problems they might have. I don't share my problems with him whatsoever. I wouldn't want to burden him with them.

 

Despite these 'friendly' emails though, I can't help but wonder, why does he feel a need to correspond with me, when he's married and seemly, happily so?

[johnnyl321]

There's a line in a U2 song that says: "You glorify the past, when the future dries up!"

 

Aaah, a love from so long ago. Now "happily" married, but just wants to see how you're doing. Perhaps he wonders what could have been. Perhaps he hopes to see you again to find out if those wonderful feelings will come flooding back to him. Or, maybe he was truly just thinking about you and wanted to say hi. I guess you must've had some good times while you were together.

 

Anyway, if those emails or conversations start turning into "My wife and I just don't communicate like we used to" or "we've been having problems for a while", be wary, he could be on the outs with the Mrs. and is thinking about having some side action to fall back on in case the marriage doesn't work.

Amazing thing we human creatures, we marry for love and then we're the first ones to fling it all aside like garbage when things get a little hairy. Odd at best we are.

Keep us posted.

[VirgoLady]

Thanks for the reply

 

Originally posted by johnnyl321

There's a line in a U2 song that says: "You glorify the past, when the future dries up!"

 

But I don't think his life has dried up. If anything he's doing quite well in life, or so he tells me and has me believe anyway. He never mentions having problems, has a successful business, seems to have a busy social life, etc. He doesn't appear to have time to be bored.

 

Aaah, a love from so long ago. Now "happily" married, but just wants to see how you're doing. Perhaps he wonders what could have been. Perhaps he hopes to see you again to find out if those wonderful feelings will come flooding back to him. Or, maybe he was truly just thinking about you and wanted to say hi. I guess you must've had some good times while you were together.

 

I was thinking to begin with, that perhaps he was just truly thinking about me and was curious to know what I've been up to this past several years. It's natural for people to wonder what happened to/to be curious about those people from our pasts, especially those people who at one time meant a lot to us. But it only takes one or two emails to say 'hi' and to catch up on things, then you'd have expected that communication would stop. However it's continuing, so it makes me wonder why he may feel a need to keep me around and as a friend?

 

We had some good times, yes, but there were bad times also, which led to us breaking up many times over. However and despite the bad times, we always found our way back together again. I think he found it hard to let go of me and likewise I found it hard to let go of him back then. I was the one to finally call of the relationship because he wouldn't committ totally to me. He didn't want it to end and seemed confused as to what he really wanted. I thought that by breaking things off, he'd perhaps realise how much I did mean to him. Didn't work out that way. He met someone else, so did I. Got to add that while he was married, he did come pursuing me again, but I refused to have anything to do with him because he was married. Shortly afterwards I met my future husband and moved away. I never saw nor heard of him up until recently when he contacted me via this website.

 

Anyway, if those emails or conversations start turning into "My wife and I just don't communicate like we used to" or "we've been having problems for a while", be wary, he could be on the outs with the Mrs. and is thinking about having some side action to fall back on in case the marriage doesn't work.

 

Yeah, I will know immediately what he was after if the conversation topics do change. But up until now, they are merely newsy mails and he does appear to be happy with his lot in life.

I think that if he was after anything more, he'd have made it known before now because we've been emailing for around three months. So I kinda see nothing wrong in continuing to mail, when all he appears to want is a friendship. Still can't help wondering why though ??