StringsAttached Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 (edited) Long story short, I have had many problems and issues in my life but i've been able to cope and fight through them like a man, until I met her... She blind-sided me with the breakup and I went into a mild-depression, started looking to MJ for comfort and now I feel like a wimp? I've never been dumped until she did it to me and it was because of religious differences. Now the smallest most insignificant thing make me frustrated and sends me spiralling back into abyss? Like what in the actual **** happened? Does it get better? It's been 6 months and I am stunned that I am not over this girl. Can someone give me some advice? I cried maybe twice in my life before I met her and now it's like a monthly thing. We're friends now but ffs this girl has destroyed me. Edited November 6, 2013 by StringsAttached
todreaminblue Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 what abotu her bought you to tears ...besides obviously losing her......why did she make you cry ...situation please....deborah
Author StringsAttached Posted November 6, 2013 Author Posted November 6, 2013 what abotu her bought you to tears ...besides obviously losing her......why did she make you cry ...situation please....deborah Ok so she's been hurt a lot in her childhood and she tells me all her troubles and I made her troubles mine and the out of the blue she dumps me and I go into NC for 6 months but befriend her. I wouldn't take her back now but it still hurts. Another thing were the promises. Why would you promise all those things if you don't mean them? I don't even know if this girl is who I thought she was but I can't get her out of my head.
todreaminblue Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 Ok so she's been hurt a lot in her childhood and she tells me all her troubles and I made her troubles mine and the out of the blue she dumps me and I go into NC for 6 months but befriend her. I wouldn't take her back now but it still hurts. Another thing were the promises. Why would you promise all those things if you don't mean them? I don't even know if this girl is who I thought she was but I can't get her out of my head. so past trauma huh....when you admit trauma to soemoen you open yourself up to get treated like the wya you wee beforte not sayign you are a bad guy ...get that straight,.,,,,,,,but bad guys take advantage and can manipulate vulnerabilty she has probably been hurt by guys before you so she4 has a defense system once she discloses to give ehrself distance.....trauma can seriously stuff you up if from childhood you tend to develop disacociative behaviours and social anxiety...she is disassociated hersefl from you it is maerlely a wall that you are not equipped to climb........woman iwth issues are nto for every man....they are for th right man only........and therapy is normally on goign to keep a relationship together......not many men are willign to go through the effort...do i feel i ti sworth it....speaking from personal experience....yes......i am one....i am worth a mans time for i have time and effrot to give......i have had therapy and woudl eb willign to undergo couples therapy fro the right man...which is draining btw...i know and am self aware however.......parts of me are they come when needed to deal with different situations.......theres not much i havent been through other than murder...i used to think torture bu thoenstyul i do that to myself..... internally ....though ....i am always willing to grow.........and i am ........ you wre not equipped thats all a woman with issues is what you are nto ready for she may come back i suggest couples therapy adn therpay for her on a completely seprate basis with soemone she trusts...if youw ere even to consdier a reconcilliation ro engaging with ehr again....be cautious......with a broken heart trauma is spirit damaging... i ahve soemone doen the therapy thing...for now......... a bishop who i feel woudl never lead em astray, i can speak adn nto be ashamed...finally...... he is fair and just and pulls me up ion what i say .......he is compassionate and kind.....but firm....he has the keys to my happiness....adn i repsect him for that and i trust him...that si the highest and most important afactor5 in healing is trust .......debbie 1
Author StringsAttached Posted November 6, 2013 Author Posted November 6, 2013 I like what you said about not being equipped to climb, it's true i've never been with a girl so distraught before but I love her with all my heart, i'd do anything to make her see that I will be there for her when she needs it most. There's a reason she has told me she loves me several times that she still loves me but wishes to remain friends and it's because she doesn't want to lose me. I tarted smoking weed after the breakup she developed and eating disorder. Is there any way I can make her see that I am willing to make the climb? I haven't so much as said '**** you' to her in our 2 years together. Why won't she realize that she won't be hurt with me as her man? Why is she so blind?
Author StringsAttached Posted November 6, 2013 Author Posted November 6, 2013 and for the record I meant I won't take her back in her current state. Only way is if she fully realizes i'm 'that' guy and begs me to take her back.
todreaminblue Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 (edited) So you want to break a broken person and make her beg...do you see damage anywhere here that could happen you will only build resentment and rebellion....she doesnt have to atone for her sins against you that's between her and god....in my opinion nurture is needed when someone is broken you have to make them strong first before they can join in a union..... love makes people stronger not ultimatums and expectations placed on them by someone who is their equal, love is never cruel or cruel to be kind..it is kindness for kindness sake........here's where i go to biblical principles....jesus did not heal by saying beg for anyone get down on your knees and wail and lament let me see you grovel prove yourself if you do evr go go on your knees it is for the ultimate respect in showing supplication ....it is saying "i am your servant"...and it is a choice to maek not ordered but a choice.........no man on earth has that right to demand subservience from a a woman in my opinion......i would go on my knees for a man if i were praying for him to help him not to obey him he is not my creator or i would be on my knees if eh were to feel it would help me...you arent helping her by making her beg at all i feel...more yourself and yrou ego which si hurt and needs to heal itself .....i would for anyone go on my knees....if they ordered em i woudl tell them get stuffed.....ahem lol sorry break in thought.......... continuing now .you arent christ...sorry to be blunt take it as discussion i mean no offense........but the begging thing is a bit of sore point......with part of me...... jesus lifted mary magdalene a troubled and sore woman broken into pieces by many men, she couldnt even look him in the eye she kissed his feet he did not humiliate her or in his pure perfection of spirit and personage feel grandiose, because he truly, had that power over her to make her feel less than what she was he felt empathy true unaldulterated selfless compassion...isnt that beauty.....so many times people over look biblical healing its a shame because it is true perfection in action thought and deed.......trust em i know i have this combat weary friend with em at the moment watching what i write ......i have said this to a few people in my life time...search your heart ask for your hearts opinion...your heart knows god, before you ask someone to do something or expect something from someone...begging is for street urchins......have empathy.....its rare and beautiful ...true gift from god........let her know talk to her heart..tell her you will be there for her no expectations just the fact you want her in your life....dont play games or strategize.....that you see her and how beautiful she is.........for the love of a beautiful woman what is it you would do? ask yourself that and then decide if you want to damage her more....or bethere....ultimately it is always your choice....smiling at you i say ....i wish you all the best for both her and you...if you are not religious take out the biblical references and be this... simply a man who truly loves a woman..... or read the words and find your heart lift just a little with infinite possibility of understanding that, biblical principles can hold truth not only yesterday but right now in your life...........either way ...i respect your choice and hope its for the best for you ...only you will know that......hugs....deborah. Edited November 6, 2013 by todreaminblue
CC12 Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 We're friends now but ffs this girl has destroyed me. Since you're still hung up on her, it's probably a mistake to be friends with her. Why would you promise all those things if you don't mean them? People make promises in relationships all the time. Sometimes people change their mind. It doesn't necessarily make everything she said a lie. It was true at the time and now it is not. Why won't she realize that she won't be hurt with me as her man? Why is she so blind? She's not blind, she just doesn't feel the same way you do. Saying "I don't want to get hurt" is kind of just a gentle way to reject someone. It's basically the same as "It's not you, it's me." and for the record I meant I won't take her back in her current state. Only way is if she fully realizes i'm 'that' guy and begs me to take her back. That's a whole lot of hot air. What you mean is "I will absolutely take her back, but she has to beg me. (But not really because I will get back together with her if she only wants it.)" I'm right, right? Bottom line: You still like her and you still want to be with her. She still doesn't want to be with you. Being friends is a very bad idea. Take some alone time and really work on yourself. Do productive things with your time. This probably means you should stop smoking weed. Exercise or something instead. 1
CompleteFailure Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 Long story short, I have had many problems and issues in my life but i've been able to cope and fight through them like a man, until I met her... It sounds like you were once independent and strong but after meeting her you looked to her as your saving grace and the shield for all your troubles?(literally or metaphorically, mentally or emotionally) She blind-sided me with the breakup and I went into a mild-depression, started looking to MJ for comfort and now I feel like a wimp? Usually when women blind side they've actually already checked out for awhile, I think you(like most of us) missed the signs. Why do you now feel like a wimp? Could it be because in your relationship you had power and thought you were in control but now, you don't have either? Also the MJ might be soothing and stress relieving but in my honest opinion if you're using it to cope or cover up other issues then it's going to be detrimental to you in the long run. Maybe you're not actually over other things in your life and you just inadvertently used her to mask that as well so when she left, your house of cards came tumbling down. I've never been dumped until she did it to me and it was because of religious differences. Now the smallest most insignificant thing make me frustrated and sends me spiralling back into abyss? Like what in the actual **** happened? Does it get better? It's been 6 months and I am stunned that I am not over this girl. Are you sure it was because of religious differences? That could just be an excuse. It's hard but you might have to accept that you'll never fully know what the **** or why the **** things happened this way. Depending on your perspective, it might be better that way. I think it gets better when you want it to like, when you're actually ready. You can force it all you want but when you least expect it it might just come back to slap you in the face. So, take your time. 6 months to me is nothing if it really mattered to you. No one has the right to say that's too long or too short, every individual and situation is different. Can someone give me some advice? I cried maybe twice in my life before I met her and now it's like a monthly thing. I don't know if you'll every truly forget but the frequency in which you feel and express that sadness should lessen as time goes on and you start focusing more(improving) on yourself. In my experience there will always be moments where you just can't hold back the raw emotions from memories or the thoughts of your time together. My advice, don't try to ignore or push them away. Let it hit you, accept it. Then think about what you can do now, not what you should or could have done. We're friends now but ffs this girl has destroyed me. I'd say that you let her destroy you but how fair is that?(I mean, in reality that's what actually happened because you invested too much of everything) Though the catch, is how are you supposed to really love anyone if you always have to hold back? Besides, I think it's your ego that took a beating more than anything and you're just playing up the victim mentality. Not to invalidate your feelings or say that what you feel isn't real. It ties together and it's hard as hell to move past it but try to separate the real pain from it. and for the record I meant I won't take her back in her current state. Only way is if she fully realizes i'm 'that' guy and begs me to take her back. I'm not saying that you shouldn't have a back bone but this isn't love. It is your ego.
RightThere Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 Cut back on the MJ. It's not a good thing to do when you're depressed. Just makes you more paranoid and more depressed when you're not on it.
lindsay1990 Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 You promise things because you mean them when you promise them. But a promise is a promise, not a vow. And even vows... well...
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