This seemed pretty weird....

[RonaldS]

So, there is a girl who works for one of my clients, and has been working there for several months. We never really talked at first, but I've had this client for over a decade, so I know everybody in the office really well and am always having conversations with most if the other people there.

 

Then one day, my client was out of the office, and this girl and I started chatting. She's totally cute, intelligent and successful. Anyway, we talked for about 1/2 hour, and it turns out that she's new to the city and doesn't know many people. So, I suggested grabbing a drink sometime, and we exchanged numbers.

 

Following that, we would text back and forth. Not a ton, but most days of the week we would touch base with each other, and then we would talk a bit when I would go into the office. One of the common themes in our conversations was that she didn't have a lot going on outside or work, talked about going home after work and having a glass of wine by herself, etc. So, one day we were texting and she said she was probably going to spend Halloween at home watching TV, so I said, 'rather than do that, we should go grab a drink', and she responded with 'OK, sounds good to me '. That was Tues evening. Weds morning we shot a message to each other, then in the evening I sent her another message and asked how her day ended up going. Crickets.

 

So, Thursday was Halloween. In the middle of the day, I sent her a message saying hey. Again, crickets. Thursday night came and went, no word from her. And no word since. Then, today, I was in her office. Said a brief 'hi', but no conversation. Then I was standing there talking with her coworkers, and she walked by a couple of times but never even looked toward me. Actually, she was sort of looking at the floor. We were all having a good conversation, laughing and joking, so it seemed odd that she wouldn't at least get involved in it a little. So, we didn't talk at all, and there has obviously been no communication since.

 

Here's what's weird....it's not like I asked her out on a date, implied it was a date, or even flirted with her. I wasn't thinking of it as a date on any level. She just seemed like a person I would like to get to know, and she lives very close to me, so it would be fun to have somebody close-by to grab a drink with once in awhile or whatever. Yes, she's cute, but I'm not trying to date her.

 

My take on it is that we agreed I get a drink, she backed out and didn't communicate at all, we never met up, haven't talked since. To me, that's sort of the end of the story. Again, I wasn't trying to date her, so it's not like I'm devastated or anything. But it is weird, and now it's sorta awkward when I'm at her office.

 

I kind of feel like I should reach out and say hey and just be cool about it. But then the other part of me feels like if she wanted to talk, she would have reached out to me. Btw, I'm 39 and she's probably 27. What do you guys think?

[Versacehottie]

hmmm, sounds like it could have been viewed by her as a date or date-ish. It's certainly open-ended just as you saw it. Maybe she didn't want to lead you on OR sensed your ambiguity. If it wasn't date-ish, why are you worried about it?

[RonaldS]

I'm not that worried about it. But it's weird to have steady communication with somebody for weeks, and then have it shut off inexplicably the day that you agree to grab a drink.

 

Even then I wouldn't care except we still obviously see each other at work semi-frequently. I'm fine just being buddies, but I don't want to have to tip-toe around her when I see her. Of course, I'm attracted to her, but I also am a) not looking for a relationship and b) semi dating other people.

 

Anyway, I feel like now it's weird and it doesn't have to be and I can't figure out why it's weird or what, if anything, to do about it.

[tlegend]

I'm not that worried about it. But it's weird to have steady communication with somebody for weeks, and then have it shut off inexplicably the day that you agree to grab a drink.

 

Even then I wouldn't care except we still obviously see each other at work semi-frequently. I'm fine just being buddies, but I don't want to have to tip-toe around her when I see her. Of course, I'm attracted to her, but I also am a) not looking for a relationship and b) semi dating other people.

 

Anyway, I feel like now it's weird and it doesn't have to be and I can't figure out why it's weird or what, if anything, to do about it.

 

I think you should probably talk to her just because of the awkwardness factor.

 

It is odd that she would seem into the idea, and then just blow you off completely. Was something said about you that made her think twice about dating you? Did she let it slip she had a date with you and her boss forbid it or something of the like? That is the only thing that comes to the top of my mind when asking why would she just tuck tail and run like that.

[RonaldS]

I think you should probably talk to her just because of the awkwardness factor.

 

It is odd that she would seem into the idea, and then just blow you off completely. Was something said about you that made her think twice about dating you? Did she let it slip she had a date with you and her boss forbid it or something of the like? That is the only thing that comes to the top of my mind when asking why would she just tuck tail and run like that.

 

Those are interesting questions. No idea. I cannot imagine that she would talk to anybody at work, especially her boss/my client, but who knows. I mean, she's younger, and I am older and divorced, so maybe one of her girl friends told her to avoid me at all costs? No idea.

 

But why not just say, 'I can't make it' or 'I don't think it's a good idea', or something? Shutting off and not communicating only makes what would be an uncomplicated issue complicated. I know, intellectually, that I should talk to her, but in my eyes, she is the one who shut it down and created a situation, so she should be the one to reach out. Is that wrong to expect that?

[AmyLee]

It's really strange that she would suddenly flip like this, given she seemed so interested in getting to know you.

 

It made me think of something that happened to me recently. I've been dating my current boyfriend for about four months and last week I texted him periodically to check in, see how he was doing etc.

 

Didn't hear anything back from him.

 

I don't generally call as we're both pretty busy with work but I did keep up with the messages. Still crickets. I was livid. We work in the same office and we ran into each other at one point - we didn't have time to talk, but he was his usual (if slightly guarded) self, whereas I was cold as ice because I was so angry about being ignored. I started to think he was just completely blowing me off. Eventually when I asked him whether we were still meeting up one evening (we had a pre-arranged date, though I nearly pulled out because I thought he was giving me the cold shoulder) he responded very enthusiastically.

 

When I saw him that night I jokingly started to berate him for his lack of text messaging etiquette, when he exploded and started asking me what my deal was. He showed me his phone and I could see he'd replied to every single one. For whatever reason I just hadn't been receiving them.

 

I'm not necessary saying this is the case here, as generally "I haven't been receiving your messages" is just a copout and, with technology these days, rare. That being said, you'll never know what her deal is and risk prolonging any potential awkwardness by leaving things the way they are. Maybe she had some family drama that she had to deal with - maybe she's in no position to go out for a drink now, but she might be in future. Who knows? I think it would be worth striking up friendly conversation with her again if the opportunity ever presents itself so that you can at least gauge if something external happened or if she just wasn't interested, so you're not left wondering.

 

I would even playfully ask her whether she ended up doing anything on Halloween - at worst she'll be a little awkward that she blew you off, but she'll appreciate your moxy for calling her out on it.

[RonaldS]

Hmmmmm....interesting. One thing that happened that day is that I was having a ton of issues with my phone...seemed to be an issue with the network or my phone or both, and I ended up resetting the network settings a couple of times. But at the same time, it showed my message to her as 'delivered', and I was having other text conversations as well at that time, but messages kept popping up 'undelivered' but then would eventually go through.

 

Who knows. I'm inclined to think she just decided to back out w/o saying anything, and her demeanor today sort of validates that (avoiding eye contact, not talking). Just doesn't seem like a totally adult way to handle this.

[RonaldS]

Ok, I sent her a text mentioning that I didn't get a chance to say 'hi' to her when I was in and hoping everything was good for her. No response.

 

This is so strange.

 

I could see if I was overtly flirting with her or hawking on her all the time (or even at all), but my vibe has been totally neutral. On one occasion, she had texted me a pic of herself and I mentioned that she had a great smile, but that was it and that was also awhile ago. I could see if I was all up in her sh*t or pushing something with her that maybe she would feel threatened or turned off and want to kill any talks, but nothing even close to that happened.

 

And now I have to go back into her office today to pick up a check. Yay.

[Mascara]

You should ask her directly if she got your messages. As in, don't text her.

 

It's also possible that she thought you were flaking - you asked her out for Halloween, but didn't make any plans. Just carried on with the chit-chat. Women don't like last minute arrangements for a first date.

[RonaldS]

You should ask her directly if she got your messages. As in, don't text her.

I know she got them. We both have iPhones, so the messages show up as 'delivered'

 

It's also possible that she thought you were flaking - you asked her out for Halloween, but didn't make any plans. Just carried on with the chit-chat. Women don't like last minute arrangements for a first date.

 

That's what I don't get. It wasn't a 'date'. We were just meeting up to grab a drink. Pretty informal, and something that people do all the time with out having to do a bunch of planning. Last night, I met up with a girl for a drink, and the whole thing was put together an hour before we met up. It's grabbing a drink after work, not a trip to Antarctica. And I didn't flake, because I did reach out to her twice (the day before and the day of, and never got a response).

 

Whatever. I just wish there would be some feedback from her so that it isn't awkward when I go into the office (like I'm about to do in an hour). Being iced out for no apparent reason is what makes this weird.

[Mascara]

I'm not saying you did flake. I'm trying to think of what she might think.

 

Either way, I'd still ask if she got them. Because that'll call her out on her rudeness to admit that she did.

[RonaldS]

I'm not saying you did flake. I'm trying to think of what she might think.

 

Either way, I'd still ask if she got them. Because that'll call her out on her rudeness to admit that she did.

 

Do you think that she was thinking that getting together was a real date, and me staying casual about it pissed her off? Or she started to think twice about getting involved with somebody from work (even though I'm only in there for a couple hours a month)?

 

It just seems so odd that we would consistently communicate for weeks up until essentially the day we plan to get together, and then all of a sudden, nothing. And then going into ignore mode? What is she trying to accomplish?

 

And to be clear, I wouldn't be against dating her if, during the course of getting to know her, that seemed like a good thing to do. So, it's not that I'm uninterested in her....I'm just not trying to date her. It just seemed like it would be nice to get to know her.

[tlegend]

Do you think that she was thinking that getting together was a real date, and me staying casual about it pissed her off? Or she started to think twice about getting involved with somebody from work (even though I'm only in there for a couple hours a month)?

 

It just seems so odd that we would consistently communicate for weeks up until essentially the day we plan to get together, and then all of a sudden, nothing. And then going into ignore mode? What is she trying to accomplish?

 

And to be clear, I wouldn't be against dating her if, during the course of getting to know her, that seemed like a good thing to do. So, it's not that I'm uninterested in her....I'm just not trying to date her. It just seemed like it would be nice to get to know her.

 

Again, I truly believe that something set her off to change her mind. Either she ran across an old flame and feels guilty she set something up with you, maybe she think's you're leading her on, who knows. Your best bet would be to try to have a conversation with her. Don't be rude about it, but since I am a passive aggressive *******, I would probably have mentioned something in passing along the lines of "really missed you on Halloween, had a blast!".

 

But to be honest, that last part is just rude. I would still do it.

[LivingDeadGrl]

It would be different if you never had to see each other, then ignoring someone is the easy way out. Considering that she has to see you sometimes, she should have just been honest so that it wouldn't be awkward. She made it awkward.

I think she got the wrong idea of what your intentions were. Even so, if she is still ignoring you at this point it's just rude and immature.

If you don't say anything today, I would maybe shoot her one last text to say that you're not sure why she's chosen to stop speaking to you, but that you hope she didn't get the wrong impression of what your intentions were. Maybe fluff it up a bit so she can feel a bit stupid for thinking the way she did.

Your choice though, if it was me I wouldn't even bother giving her another ounce of my time.

[RonaldS]

So annoying. Unnecessary drama.

[ExpatInItaly]

Strange. Maybe she's been seeing someone else the whole time and feels guilty about agreeing to meet up with you?

 

For whatever reason, she isn't responding. I'd take that as my cue to stop texting. You can still be cordial when you see her but I wouldn't message her any more.

[tlegend]

Please update your story. I am truly interested.

[RonaldS]

Please update your story. I am truly interested.

 

Not sure there is going to be anything more to the story. I did my part. I said 'hi' to her yesterday, and then sent her a very general, friendly 'off the hook' type text in the event she was feeling bad or awkward for bailing and not communicating anything.

 

No response.

 

That's fine. If I didn't have to see her somewhat frequently, I wouldn't give it a second thought. But I do have to see her. I'm fine w/not being friends or hanging out, but I am annoyed that a formerly comfortable work situation now has to be awkward because somebody can't communicate in a mature fashion. Dating somebody? Don't want to goof up a work relationship? Not interested? I don't care. No biggie. But at least have the decency to communicate that.

 

At this point, I really don't have any interest in being friends.

[tlegend]

Not sure there is going to be anything more to the story. I did my part. I said 'hi' to her yesterday, and then sent her a very general, friendly 'off the hook' type text in the event she was feeling bad or awkward for bailing and not communicating anything.

 

No response.

 

That's fine. If I didn't have to see her somewhat frequently, I wouldn't give it a second thought. But I do have to see her. I'm fine w/not being friends or hanging out, but I am annoyed that a formerly comfortable work situation now has to be awkward because somebody can't communicate in a mature fashion. Dating somebody? Don't want to goof up a work relationship? Not interested? I don't care. No biggie. But at least have the decency to communicate that.

 

At this point, I really don't have any interest in being friends.

 

I was just curious as to how she would react to you when you said hi in person.

 

In all fairness, it is very weird for the events to play out the way they did. However, as you said, if this is a sign of her maturity, then maybe it's a blessing in disguise? Could you imagine being into this girl and later finding out if she has a problem with you, she would just bail?

 

Ah well, missed connections happen every day. Who is to say the girl working in another office isn't your future wife?

[RonaldS]

Who is to say the girl working in another office isn't your future wife?

Haha....me. I've already been married. Not trying to see that movie again.

[FitChick]

Date someone else and you'll soon forget about her.

[RonaldS]

Date someone else and you'll soon forget about her.

 

I do. I hang out with a few different girls. My issue is not that I wanted to date her and she bailed out. It's that all I was doing was trying to be friends with he given that she is new in town and lives very close to me. I didn't have any motives beyond that, and now it's all goofy and awkward when I see her at work and there is no reason for if to be.

[RonaldS]

I went back into her office today to pick up a check and was BSing w/the office manager for a few. This girls office is the the next one over. So I got my check, said goodbye to the office manager, and then walked to the office kitchen thing to throw something away. I came back out and she was walking toward me, she smiled and said 'Hey, how are you?', I said 'hi, I'm good thanks' and then walked out of the office.

 

So, ummmmm....case closed?

 

Weird.

[RonaldS]

While I'm busy updating wonky girl behavior situations.....

 

So, I was in this girls office on Tuesday. I still have not heard a single word from her. I sent her a text the last time I was in saying something like 'hey, didn't get a chance to say hi. Hope everything is good', just in case there was a miscommunication and she was feeling tense about contacting me. No reply.

 

Well, I was in her office Tuesday, did what I had to do, and BSed a little with one of her colleagues. Once while I was walking through the office and she was walking toward me. She looked up sheepishly and gave a little wave as she was going into her office. Then, before I left, I was sitting down with her boss just having casual conversation. This guy is totally ruthless, but he has been my client for over 10 years, and I'm probably the only person in that office who has the green light to make fun of him. Everybody else is petrified of him. Anyway, she came in and I was sitting in a chair at his desk, and she was standing kind of next to me and a little in front. My client was droning on about something stupid, so I cracked on him a couple of times. This girl was standing there laughing (but trying to hide it), and she was in there for almost 5 minutes, essentially just standing there. In those 5 minutes, I don't think she ever looked at me. Maybe she did and I didn't notice, but I doubt it.

 

Again....weird. What in the world? Did I sexually assault her in the copy machine room and black out about it or something? Why would she act like that? It's awkward.

[ExpatInItaly]

While I'm busy updating wonky girl behavior situations.....

 

So, I was in this girls office on Tuesday. I still have not heard a single word from her. I sent her a text the last time I was in saying something like 'hey, didn't get a chance to say hi. Hope everything is good', just in case there was a miscommunication and she was feeling tense about contacting me. No reply.

 

Well, I was in her office Tuesday, did what I had to do, and BSed a little with one of her colleagues. Once while I was walking through the office and she was walking toward me. She looked up sheepishly and gave a little wave as she was going into her office. Then, before I left, I was sitting down with her boss just having casual conversation. This guy is totally ruthless, but he has been my client for over 10 years, and I'm probably the only person in that office who has the green light to make fun of him. Everybody else is petrified of him. Anyway, she came in and I was sitting in a chair at his desk, and she was standing kind of next to me and a little in front. My client was droning on about something stupid, so I cracked on him a couple of times. This girl was standing there laughing (but trying to hide it), and she was in there for almost 5 minutes, essentially just standing there. In those 5 minutes, I don't think she ever looked at me. Maybe she did and I didn't notice, but I doubt it.

 

Again....weird. What in the world? Did I sexually assault her in the copy machine room and black out about it or something? Why would she act like that? It's awkward.

 

I think she likely felt very guilty about dropping off the radar and not replying to you. I also wonder if she's dating someone in the office and doesn't want him to catch on to the fact that she had a little something-something with you.

 

Either way, she has the social skills of an ostrich. Be grateful you don't need to deal with that!