How can i find myself wanting to be with a guy that is a total jerk?

[summerlove]

How can i find myself wanting to be with a guy that is a total jerk? Many post on here are saying how they miss there girlfriends and how the love her! I wish that was they way it was with me. My boyfriend has taken me for granted and used me, but yet i can't tell him "It's OVER!" and when i do he comes over for one night and leaves then it good for a day then back to hell the next.

One time i said to him i need a break and he said tough you can't ! what does that mean?

He's not abusive! He's just very persuasive with his words. He talks people into almost anything! I don't understand? I don't know how to say good-bye and i don't know if that is exactly what i want to do or not. i do know he is a complete jerk and i can't handle stressing over him. i care so much about him that i would do anything for him! I'm a very caring person, and i hate to see people i love leave!

 

i did ask if we could just be friends and he said that is impossible. i can see that in a way but yet i feel so bad when i want to go out or when i want to do something. i can't talk to a single guy ( even as friends). but he told me that's cause he doesn't talk to girls. and yes i would get mad if he did but if i knew they were just friends i wouldn't! what do i do? should i seriously change everything and get out and how if so?

[johnnyl321]

you're in love. you'll cling to this man no matter what he does. eventually, he'll start cheating on you, lying to you, staying away and coming in when he sees fit. and you'll still cling. you'll give yourself millions of excuses as to why. then, one day, he'll leave. no note, no long goodbye, you just won't hear from him. he'll have moved onto the next one.

 

then you'll be back on here wondering why.

 

ain't love grand?

[SpaceCoyote]

The more profound the impact that the person had on your life, the more you are inclined to seek them out when they leave you. In certain ways, the two of you are sharing one life together. He has become such a big part of your life that you basically can't imagine your life without him. I would bet almost everyone who comes to this forum knows the feeling. So it doesn't matter that he is a jerk...to let him go would be to face the crushing avalanche of pain that most here are in various stages of dealing with, and that most people would never face if given a choice. It would also create feelings of neediness, and that is what drives you back to him.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by bfaith258

i do know he is a complete jerk and i can't handle stressing over him.

 

i care so much about him that i would do anything for him! I'm a very caring person, and i hate to see people i love leave!

 

 

Dear bfaith258:

Please read your above stmts. They are total contradictions. I think you have more of a problem here than he does.

[theone44]

Originally posted by bfaith258

How can i find myself wanting to be with a guy that is a total jerk? Many post on here are saying how they miss there girlfriends and how the love her! I wish that was they way it was with me. My boyfriend has taken me for granted and used me, but yet i can't tell him "It's OVER!" and when i do he comes over for one night and leaves then it good for a day then back to hell the next.

One time i said to him i need a break and he said tough you can't ! what does that mean?

He's not abusive! He's just very persuasive with his words. He talks people into almost anything! I don't understand? I don't know how to say good-bye and i don't know if that is exactly what i want to do or not. i do know he is a complete jerk and i can't handle stressing over him. i care so much about him that i would do anything for him! I'm a very caring person, and i hate to see people i love leave!

 

i did ask if we could just be friends and he said that is impossible. i can see that in a way but yet i feel so bad when i want to go out or when i want to do something. i can't talk to a single guy ( even as friends). but he told me that's cause he doesn't talk to girls. and yes i would get mad if he did but if i knew they were just friends i wouldn't! what do i do? should i seriously change everything and get out and how if so?

 

 

 

 

The "Bad boys and jerks" get all the girls,but the nice guys,who treat women very well,get mistreated,and get no girls. Well there is your answer.

[theone44]

Originally posted by ck_guy02

Hi Bfaith,

 

I can definately relate to you..... I adore my girlfriend... and love her very much... but she treats me like total crap....... if you read my post you will see what I am saying...

 

I have finally decided to go to a counselor to find out what inner problem I have that I keep letting myself get emotionally and mentally abused over and over again.....

 

I wish you luck...

 

 

Why put up with a woman crap,unless you want to be treated like crap. Women only treat their men right,when they respect them. She treat you like crap,because she no longer have respect for you.

[Weird]

faith,

 

Nobody here can tell you why. Maybe you have some confidence issue. Who else but you knows.

 

What I do know is if the guy treats you like crap you should tell him to go to hell.

 

There are plenty of us nice guys out there...but maybe you don't truly want a nice guy because maybe you think being nice isn't attractive? I dunno.

[XNemesisX]

I have found that at first when I date someone they are super nice, it is after the "catch you" they let their inner jerk out.

 

It is hard to distinguish between a truly nice guy and a jerk until you are already in love with the person.

 

I think that nice guy thing is a myth. I don't know many girls if any who would continue to date someone if initially he was acting like a jerk. That comes later...once it is too late.

 

As I have dated jerks myself (and my most current ex is definitely 110% jerk) I will tell you this though..eventually you WILL get fed up. You will think to yourself ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

 

It may take a while to get to that point, but you will. It took me almost 2 months post-breakup to get to this point where I'm just so sick and tired of it that I'm thinking to hell with it. This is after a 2 year relationship of nothing but both physical and mental abuse. Oh and cheating and lying too. Yeah could it get worse? Still..took me this long to finally wake up.

 

I don't even care if I'm single anymore. Its not worth dealing with someone like that and being a glutton for punishment.

 

Eventually you will get fed up, trust me.

 

A jerk can only be a jerk for so long. May take years before the girl gets sick of it..but oh it will happen.

[Merin]

Things to consider...

 

1) He isn't persuasive, he is manipulative

2) He isn't protective, he is controlling

3) He isn't a little jealous, he is possesive

 

Just because he may not have been physically abusive to you (yet) doesn't mean he isn't an abuser.. My impression is this.. he has emotionally abused you and made you feel bad, he has damaged your self esteem and now you feel you can't let go of him because he has convinced you that no one else wants you..

 

You CAN leave him.. You don't need his permission or approval.

 

Love yourself more.

[summerlove]

I find it day two now that i have total ignored his calls at night. ( he only calls 12-3am) I have no clue but i feel as if i am moving on. I know that some day soon i'm going to want to call him. and yes i should call him and say it's over but how?

cause then i just get that answer of his that says well things will change.

I can't actually call and ended it. i'm just saying it's over in my head. i just can't say the words "over". i hope that i can find someone that treats me better.

The only fear i have is that of all the memories that surrond me of him. such as my kittens at got 4 months ago. we bought them together. now they are just mine and when i look at them i think of him. I hope the future gets better cause there's no way i can deal with this crap. Thanks guys for the advice but it looks as if it's all in God's hands! right!