Finally met with girl I met online, not sure of next move

[Marks]

So I finally met up with a girl yesterday that I've been talking to on OkCupid for a while. *We had been exchanging messages back and forth every few days for over a month, and it got to the point where I didn't think it was going anywhere given how slow the messaging was. *So I was really surprised that she agreed to meetup and gave me her phone number.

 

Anyway, we met up for the usual coffee and seemed to have a pretty good conversation--no real awkward pauses and pretty even handed. *After almost two hours of talking I figured it was about time to call it a night, but she surprised me and asked me if I wanted to get some food. *I told her I was up for it if she was, and so we ended up getting food down the street. *After eating is when things got a little awkward (for me at least), because at this point we were walking back to her car and I wasn't sure how to best part ways. *She ended up thanking me for coming out, and I thanked her as well, saying I had fun, and we both said it was nice meeting each other. *At that point we hugged and that was that.

 

An hour or so later, when I was going to bed, I texted her to tell her that I finally remembered the name of a restaurant that I couldn't remember the name of during our conversation earlier, and then again said it was nice meeting her that night. *She replied shortly after that she knew the place and that it was nice meeting me as well, smiley face and all. *

 

So now my question is...what do I do now? *I liked her, but couldn't tell whether she liked me...so I'm not sure if I should try contacting her again at some point and if so, when...*

 

I'm assuming that if I try contacting her again, it would be to try and setup a date--although the date would have to wait until next week since I'll be out of town this weekend (which she's aware of). *Anyway, I haven't done this stuff in over two years, so I feel like a total fish out of water :/

[Mascara]

Yes, you should contact her again.

 

"It was great to meet you, would you like to do it again? I'm free on x y z days and times"

 

Bowling is good for a second date

[petitefleur]

If you like her just try to talk to her again. Ask her how she is, how her day was, greet her in the morning. Keep in touch or else she will think you're not interested.

[newmoon]

yes, contact her again. say you want to get together for something specific (have a plan!) and give her a choice of dates/times (maybe 3) that might work for her and you. suggest something she will like and not something you like. good luck.

[Phantom888]

Was there chemistry? How was the hug? Was she touching you or looking at your with interest? Your next move is contingent upon how she was acting during the 1st date. If she's interested, you should go for it. If she's clearly not, then don't. Only you know how she reacted. If the chemistry is only luke warm, then don't go for it. It's not worthwhile to pursue something that is mediocre.

[Marks]

Yes, you should contact her again.

 

Ok, but how long should I wait? A day? Two days? I'm sure this has been asked a million times on here, but I just don't want to come off as the eager beaver.

 

Was there chemistry? How was the hug? Was she touching you or looking at your with interest? Your next move is contingent upon how she was acting during the 1st date. If she's interested, you should go for it. If she's clearly not, then don't. Only you know how she reacted. If the chemistry is only luke warm, then don't go for it. It's not worthwhile to pursue something that is mediocre.

 

I'm really bad at reading girls, so I honestly can't say. The hug seemed like any other hug I've given a female friend. But that doesn't necessarily rule anything out, because in the past I've had girls who acted like they weren't interested later ask me whether I liked them... so either I read them wrong or they genuinely did not know how to show me that they were interested.

 

The other tidbit is that we both happen to work at the same university (albeit in totally different departments), so do you think it would be a good idea to propose meeting up for lunch with her on campus one of these days?

 

How to Date 101

 

1. Boy asks out Girls till one says Yes.

 

2. Boy continues to ask out Girl till Boy either doesn't like Girl or Girl says No.

 

3. If Boy doesn't like Girl or Girl says No Repeat Step 1.

 

It's worked successfully since man and woman have walked on the face of the earth.

 

OP, Why do you feel the need to alter these 3 simple rules or create new ones?

 

Haha, you're right, I'm over-thinking this.

[Lansing]

I wouldnt suggest the "lunch" date because then it could become like colleagues going out for lunch. Keep the two worlds separate!

 

Just ask her out again. Doesn't mater to wait a few days.. Ou can suggest something for next week when I get back

[Marks]

I wouldnt suggest the "lunch" date because then it could become like colleagues going out for lunch. Keep the two worlds separate!

 

Yeah you're right, didn't think of that.

[lukekarts]

The fact that 1) you met on an online dating site and 2) she extended the initial meeting to including food suggests she's interested:

 

1. Because she's making her dating intentions clear

2. If she didn't like you she'd have made excuses and left.

 

I don't think it's a particularly hard to read situation here... and I'm no expert :-p

[Marks]

Ok, so I'm thinking this girl is another bust. I tried texting her last night with the goal of asking her out again. She responded, seemingly enthusiastically, and we exchanged a few niceties about our planned trips that are coming up this Veteran's day weekend. After that I went ahead and asked her what she thought about getting together again sometime during the next week after our trips, and maybe get a chance to talk about how our trips went. Well, I waited and I waited...and got no response to the question for the rest of the night.

 

I realize that my question wasn't specific as to when and where to meet again, or what we would do, but I was hoping she'd say that she would be down to meet, and that we'd sort out the details after that. Anyway, I get up this morning thinking that it was done and over with and that I wouldn't hear from her again...but lo and behold she decides to text me at work this morning, telling me that there are so many great places to see in the city I'm traveling to, so much great food and that I'll have a blast, and that I should check out this website before I go that lists the top places to eat in the area...all of this completely ignoring my question about meeting up again.

 

So I don't get it? If she's not interested in meeting up, why did she reply this morning? For that matter, why did she reply to my texts last night in the first place? Is she just trying to be nice and not seem like she's blowing me off or downright saying 'no'? Should I even reply back to her?

[veggirl]

Ask once and be done. Forget her.

 

In the future, if a date is going well, you ask for a second date WHILE ON THE FIRST DATE!!!

 

During a fun moment you just say "Hey on Weds we should XYZ, what do you say?"

[pteromom]

Yes, you should contact her again asking a specific question - "Do you want to get together on (day) to go (activity)?"

 

You can't be vague.

[greenfairie]

Yes! Be straight up. Just ask her out again. Don't wait too long or she'll think you're not interested. Call her within the next day or two would be a good time. Close to a few days-a week, I honestly lose interest in guys who don't call me.. it just shows they're not reliable, in my opinion :/

[Marks]

Yes! Be straight up. Just ask her out again. Don't wait too long or she'll think you're not interested. Call her within the next day or two would be a good time. Close to a few days-a week, I honestly lose interest in guys who don't call me.. it just shows they're not reliable, in my opinion :/

 

But I already asked her if she wanted to meet again? Does that not already show interest on my part?

 

I'm not too inclined to ask again, lest I come off as a chump. I realize that calling her would be more direct, but what would I say? "Oh, hey...just wanted to ask again if you wanna go out?" My experience with girls in my age group (20's) has been that they don't want to talk on the phone unless they know you well enough. I doubt she would pickup. It's all just text text text...

 

It's so weird...it's like she didn't even get my message about going out again...

[vanek26]

Women do that all the time, and it's infuriating. They literally just ignore a question that they don't want to answer. It's shameless of them and annoying for us.

 

But, honestly, after reading your initial post I saw this sort of thing coming. I think you may have made a crucial mistake on your date that killed any romantic spark between you. Don't take it too hard, I've done it countless times. And considering I wasn't there, I can't know for sure. But I've done enough online dating to be pretty positive I see what happened.

 

That first date went well. A huge indication was that she suggested extending it. Trust me, girls drag themselves out of their comfort bubbles to meet up with people from online. If she actually had a chance to get out and suggested going to get food, it meant she was feeling you and was having a good time.

 

If a girl ever does this to me, it's an automatic green light for me to be a little more aggressive. Remember when you were walking her to her car and things got awkward for you? Women can smell that uneasiness. The sheepish goodbye hug was not in your best interest, dude.

 

You should have kissed her, plain and simple. She was feeling you, it wouldn't have been inappropriate. I'm not saying to jam your tongue down her throat. But you should have kissed her meaningfully and then said your good night.

 

Doing that would have changed the dynamic of the whole date. It would have been a great, surprising romantic encounter for her. She would be excited about it and tell her friends. Instead, it ended with a lame hug and a polite goodbye. You basically 'friend zoned' yourself. She has no ill will towards you but she isn't attracted to you anymore. You had your chance and let it slip.

 

I don't mean to sound overly critical but like I said I've been through it enough to know how it is. Always kiss on the first date if it lasts that long. It may not be something you're comfortable doing, but keep practicing!

[Marks]

No vanek, not overly critical at all. I appreciate the advice. You may have hit the nail on the head with that...I'm just not sure if I'd ever be comfortable kissing a girl on the first go around, without getting to know her better and feeling more comfortable with her. And I can't imagine getting that much more practice with it--I don't get enough first dates as it is.

 

Plus, thinking back on it now...I'm not sure if there really was a chance to give her a kiss. It's not like we stood there for half a minute looking at each other at the end trying to say goodbye...it felt a bit more rushed than usual.

 

Anyway, my main question now is...do I still try to get this girl to go out with me again (since she replied this morning), or do I just leave it be?

Edited November 7, 2013 by Marks

[vanek26]

No vanek, not overly critical at all. I appreciate the advice. You may have hit the nail on the head with that...I'm just not sure if I'd ever be comfortable kissing a girl on the first go around, without getting to know her better and feeling more comfortable with her. And I can't imagine getting that much more practice with it--I don't get enough first dates as it is.

 

Plus, thinking back on it now...I'm not sure if there really was a chance to give her a kiss. It's not like we stood there for half a minute looking at each other at the end trying to say goodbye...it felt a bit more rushed than usual.

 

Anyway, my main question now is...do I still try to get this girl to go out with me again (since she replied this morning), or do I just leave it be?

 

It seems to be the nature of online dating. You have to capitalize when you get that window of opportunity. Sites like OkCupid and PoF taint women. They become addicted to the attention and you need to reel them in quickly before they get bored. Slow and steady doesn't win the race in my experience.

 

Kissing on the first date accomplishes a couple of things. It guarantees that you cannot be friend zoned. If the girl sees you again after you've already kissed her, there is a mutual understanding that there is romantic spark.

 

In your case, if you see this girl again (which seems unlikely) you will still need to get over that hump and try to get physical with her.

 

As for you saying you didn't have the chance to kiss her... of course you did. You walked her to her car. You just felt too awkward and sheepish. It really is difficult but will put you in a better position going forward.

 

I would honestly leave it be at this point. She did the cowardly vanishing act when you asked her about seeing each other again and that is a pretty universal sign that she's moved on.But since you clearly want another crack at her, throw caution to the wind and suggest another get together in a couple of days. I can almost guarantee she will be non-committal to it and then flake on you, but it's worth a shot.

[Marks]

Yeah, I think I'm leaving it be. I agree that it's unlikely she'd want to go out again.

 

However, I did actually text her back a few hours later thanking her for the tip about the website and told her I'd let her know if I found any cool restaurants on my trip. Thinking about it now, it was probably a bad idea texting her back, because I no doubt gave her the feeling that she's off the hook for not responding last night. But I guess I was a schmuck and did it thinking that she'd text back again.

Edited November 8, 2013 by Marks