gitanagirl Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 hey guys, i could really use some advice i was living abroad for 9 months and during that time i fell in love. i had to come back home (to australia) as my friend was getting married but the plan was that as soon as i could i would go back to be with him. we were together for 5 months before i left and i needed to be home around 6 - 7 months. we had several almost break ups but we always worked it out, until about 2 months ago. we broke up for a week, got back together, but it wasnt the same, i could feel that he was very distant and so i insisted and insisted and we broke up again for real. the past month and a half has been an emotional rollercoaster, we have stopped talking several times but it has obviously never lasted more than a few days (admittedly usually my fault), at times he has spoken to me as if he wanted to be with me, talking on the phone every day, talking about us being together but everytime i felt that things were going well and would ask what was happening (the plan was to go in december so flights need to be bought...) he would completely back off. so basically i really need to move on from this, but i am finding it hard to get closure being so far away. i know the first most obvious step is nc, which i have struggled with ALOT but i feel like now is really time, i have begged and pleaded and cried my eyes out and i just cant anymore. he says he still loves me, but not the same as before, that the distance changed things for him, but he also used to tell me that i was the love of his life, we spoke all the time about when we are married and blah blah blah...i am struggling to process how i can still love him so much regardless of the distance but he doesnt want to be with me anymore. when two months ago i was the girl of his dreams. i am finding it hard not to blame myself or feel like i am a **** person that is incapable of being loved. and i am finding it hard to accept that i am not going back there and that my life is now here and he is not a part of it. i am seeing a psychologist and she said that many people find long distance breakups really hard because you kind of continue in the same situation...you are still not with them. its not like you go from seeing someone every day to not seeing them anymore. so that makes it really hard to differentiate between being together and not being together anymore. i know i really need to cut him off first of all, but does anyone have any other tips that will help me get through this and process it internally?
emi Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 I think LDR break up is the most traumatic. Its like unfinished bussiness. You cant stop thinking about how things gonna be different if you were closer. All i can say its there is no magic. Take it day by day and try find closure within you. I go read alot in loveshack in breakup section. it helps . Stay strong and hang in there
umirano Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 go NO CONTACT, otherwise you have a snowballs chance in hell of getting over him. There are NO CONTACT guides in the break up section. good luck!
1734 Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 (edited) I hear your pain Gitana as i am going thru the exact same thing right now. my LDR of 5 months broke up with me just last sunday UNEXPECTEDLY. for the past few months, we were in the "see where this is going" stage prior, but everything seems to be going great since i have met his mother and 2 small kids... we planned to meet again this thanksgiving which is in about 3 weeks time, but at the same time we also had a little bit of a challenge with communication due to his high demand work and time difference. i admit i started to slip away a bit by not responding back as usual due to the fact that he was not responding much either...i didn't want to burden him anymore with the whole "talk" and my current family problems here... out of the blue on sunday, without hearing my side of the story or asking me if there was anything wrong, he just decided to abruptly END IT without hearing my explanation and even put the guilt trip on me saying how I HAVE RUINED HIS TRUST for going out having fun with friends and not contacting him for almost a week. (not true, it was only 2 days i didn't contact him) he said he cannot risk being with me b'coz he has already introduced me to his kids and let me IN his personal life but yet i was MISSING IN ACTION while going out enjoying with friends and the distance was taking its toll on both of us, and just like that, he cut the phone line. i was devastated and in shock. i tried calling numerous times to fix the misunderstanding, but he never picked up. i never contacted him since after sunday... neither did he. i am now applying the NC..and am going thru a very very very painful healing process. i just wished he gave me the chance to explain the misunderstanding and that i wished he did not decide to go with HIS ASSUMPTIONS this is so hard... esp with the distance too... i live in HK he lives in the US stay strong during this difficult moment. but i truly believe doing the NC will help us heal slowly.. we just have to focus on healing and not reminisce about the past. i have yet to delete FB, INSTAGRAM and other chat records.. it will come in time..but eventually i will do it. hang in there gitanagirl.. you'll just have to keep going with NC... surround yourself with people you trust and love you... i am in the exact position right now.. Edited November 7, 2013 by 1734
nomadic_butterfly Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 I hear your pain Gitana as i am going thru the exact same thing right now. my LDR of 5 months broke up with me just last sunday UNEXPECTEDLY. for the past few months, we were in the "see where this is going" stage prior, but everything seems to be going great since i have met his mother and 2 small kids... we planned to meet again this thanksgiving which is in about 3 weeks time, but at the same time we also had a little bit of a challenge with communication due to his high demand work and time difference. i admit i started to slip away a bit by not responding back as usual due to the fact that he was not responding much either...i didn't want to burden him anymore with the whole "talk" and my current family problems here... out of the blue on sunday, without hearing my side of the story or asking me if there was anything wrong, he just decided to abruptly END IT without hearing my explanation and even put the guilt trip on me saying how I HAVE RUINED HIS TRUST for going out having fun with friends and not contacting him for almost a week. (not true, it was only 2 days i didn't contact him) he said he cannot risk being with me b'coz he has already introduced me to his kids and let me IN his personal life but yet i was MISSING IN ACTION while going out enjoying with friends and the distance was taking its toll on both of us, and just like that, he cut the phone line. i was devastated and in shock. i tried calling numerous times to fix the misunderstanding, but he never picked up. i never contacted him since after sunday... neither did he. i am now applying the NC..and am going thru a very very very painful healing process. i just wished he gave me the chance to explain the misunderstanding and that i wished he did not decide to go with HIS ASSUMPTIONS this is so hard... esp with the distance too... i live in HK he lives in the US stay strong during this difficult moment. but i truly believe doing the NC will help us heal slowly.. we just have to focus on healing and not reminisce about the past. i have yet to delete FB, INSTAGRAM and other chat records.. it will come in time..but eventually i will do it. hang in there gitanagirl.. you'll just have to keep going with NC... surround yourself with people you trust and love you... i am in the exact position right now.. Wow girlie he is being super harsh. I honestly hope this was just a moment of emotion and not a final decision. It seems like a trivial thing to break up over. I can understand if it happened like 2 or 3 times but it sounds like he is very afraid of the risk and was looking for a reason to "X" you off. He should have been mature enough to hear your side of the story and make an informed decisions but he took you seriously or else you wouldn't have met family or been invited to Thanksgiving. I'm crossing my fingers for you!
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