kaylan Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 I feel uncomfortable. Guy i have been on 3 dates with ( long dates) who sms me all day and night discussing kids in 1 years time and marriage etc, wants me to go on pill. I have never done this and I feel like its a threat, no choice. He did not deliver as a threat but it keeps coming up. He keeps saying we will get married etc but when the time is right. Not sure if he is saying that just because he wants risk free sexx. I am scared to say no, in case i lose him, I like him but i do not want to go On the pill. Its not risk free And why should the woman have to take on all this? Is this normal in a relationship? I want marriage... He wants this.. If you dont wanna go on the pill, then dont. I wouldnt wanna use hormones, so I can see why many girls dislike the pill. Just tell him youll only use condoms. If he has an issue, let him walk away. Dont let some goober control your body. Dont be scared to lose a dude who acts like this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author so gutted Posted September 8, 2013 Author Share Posted September 8, 2013 Ok so he said good morning etc but dince then silence. I think he is sulking. Still making references to me as his bride though, Is this totally fals? He does not seem false in other respects and i have met his friends etc.., Link to post Share on other sites
strongnrelaxed Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 Dude above me, he is a psycho manipulator because HE wants HER off birth control. She is desperate and suffers from massively low self-esteem, hence her confusion/willingness to agree with him! ( I will forgive you for misreading this- I am guilty of having done this in the past. But please resist the urge to toss out diagnoses like "low self-esteem" in the future. People are complex beings with myriad motivations - oftentimes conflicting. To simplify this to self-esteem can be dangerous here because people really take some advice to heart. Watch out for this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
strongnrelaxed Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 loves unprotected sex but doesn't want to pay the child support that comes with it. Let me tell her I see marriage and kids in the future to expedite the process. Holy Gother of Mod! Did you just say this? Child support is a natural outcome of unprotected sex? I hope that millions of young men read what you just wrote. You just scared the living daylights out of me. I cannot believe that someone in real life thinks this way. This is very very bad to see men as a paycheck who must pay cash for their basic sexual needs. This may not be what you intended to say, but it is exactly what you just said. Men- please read this very carefully. Very very carefully. Girls like this are out there giving each other advice to stay OFF the pill. Feminists have fought for decades to get the right to such birth control and the power that comes with it. Now some of them want to own your income indefinitely for being so evil as to want to have sex with them. Funny thing is, I don't have to warn you. SHE is warning you! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ja123 Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 This guy sounds like he's "future faking" to manipulate you. A good website is baggagereclaim. Check it out, op. Also, you need to step back and bolster your self-esteem. I'd suggest look into codependency issues, as there might be something in you that attracts these types. Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
emva07 Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 (edited) Holy Gother of Mod! Did you just say this? Child support is a natural outcome of unprotected sex? I hope that millions of young men read what you just wrote. You just scared the living daylights out of me. I cannot believe that someone in real life thinks this way. This is very very bad to see men as a paycheck who must pay cash for their basic sexual needs. This may not be what you intended to say, but it is exactly what you just said. Men- please read this very carefully. Very very carefully. Girls like this are out there giving each other advice to stay OFF the pill. Feminists have fought for decades to get the right to such birth control and the power that comes with it. Now some of them want to own your income indefinitely for being so evil as to want to have sex with them. Funny thing is, I don't have to warn you. SHE is warning you! What I meant was that he's forcing her to get ON birth control because he doesn't want a kid which is fine. But why can't he use a condom if its something that makes her uncomfortable ? I do not condone women getting pregnant against a man's will and to use men as paychecks at all. Sorry for perhaps portraying it as such. Edited September 8, 2013 by emva07 Link to post Share on other sites
Author so gutted Posted September 8, 2013 Author Share Posted September 8, 2013 Thanks. I want neither (him as a paycheck or sperm Donor). He has gone quiet now and it was left with him asking me to answer him re going on the pill. I am 100% sure i do not want to take these tablets. It will not enhance my life. He ticks all the boxes before this... It feels like my last chance, i have not got a lot of childbearing years left. Link to post Share on other sites
emva07 Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 I mean SOMEONE has gets on birth control or you both run a high risk of pregnancy. You don't want the pill , he doesn't want a condom so maybe sex isn't in the cards for you two ? Instead of forcing you he should sit down with you an discuss alternative methods with you, ask how you how you feel, take your health into consideration. Compromise. Not demands. Link to post Share on other sites
Author so gutted Posted September 8, 2013 Author Share Posted September 8, 2013 I mean SOMEONE has gets on birth control or you both run a high risk of pregnancy. You don't want the pill , he doesn't want a condom so maybe sex isn't in the cards for you two ? Instead of forcing you he should sit down with you an discuss alternative methods with you, ask how you how you feel, take your health into consideration. Compromise. Not demands. Thanks. I wonder why a condom is not enough? Link to post Share on other sites
emva07 Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 Don't set yourself a timeline for marriage/kids. It's these timelines that make people settle because they feel they're running our of time. No. It will happen when it's meant to happen, whether it be with this guy or someone else. Don't force it and don't let people force you into things with the promise of marriage. That person is not the one for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
giblesp Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 I feel uncomfortable. Guy i have been on 3 dates with ( long dates) who sms me all day and night discussing kids in 1 years time and marriage etc, wants me to go on pill. I have never done this and I feel like its a threat, no choice. He did not deliver as a threat but it keeps coming up. He keeps saying we will get married etc but when the time is right. Not sure if he is saying that just because he wants risk free sexx. I am scared to say no, in case i lose him, I like him but i do not want to go On the pill. Its not risk free And why should the woman have to take on all this? Is this normal in a relationship? I want marriage... He wants this.. There is a name for this type of man, an a**hole. Link to post Share on other sites
ThisGal Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 So? Most guys want a key to the Playboy mansion, too. Doesn't mean they'll GET it. Have some respect for yourself and stop trying to jump like a trained circus seal for some douche bag who wants to get laid and thinks you need to go on the pill. And if you feel indebted to this loser simply because he sprung for your $20 pasta primavera at the Olive Garden, then you're seriously in need of therapy. :laugh: Haven't had a good laugh like this in a while. Link to post Share on other sites
ThisGal Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 (edited) I want kids, sooner rather then later ( with a suitable man). Why is he focusing on marriage, kids but then saying go on the pill. That's the underlying issue, you so desperately want to be a mother soon that you refuse to accept the truth. You can't turn a jerk into a 'suitable man.' And no amount of unprotected sex will give him a change of heart either. He pretended to be interested in marriage & kids with you because he knows that's what you desire so he tells you what you want to hear. It's all a sham. Open your eyes and see what's before you; a fake masquerading as a man who wants to settle down with you. He's all talk. Get out of La La Land and come back to reality. Someone already mentioned this but you better be protecting yourself from STDs. If you're this naive I can only imagine... Edited September 8, 2013 by ThisGal 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author so gutted Posted September 8, 2013 Author Share Posted September 8, 2013 I mean SOMEONE has gets on birth control or you both run a high risk of pregnancy. You don't want the pill , he doesn't want a condom so maybe sex isn't in the cards for you two ? Instead of forcing you he should sit down with you an discuss alternative methods with you, ask how you how you feel, take your health into consideration. Compromise. Not demands. That's the underlying issue, you so desperately want to be a mother soon that you refuse to accept the truth. You can't turn a jerk into a 'suitable man.' And no amount of unprotected sex will give him a change of heart either. He pretended to be interested in marriage & kids with you because he knows that's what you desire so he tells you what you want to hear. It's all a sham. Open your eyes and see what's before you; a fake masquerading as a man who wants to settle down with you. He's all talk. Get out of La La Land and come back to reality. Someone already mentioned this but you better be protecting yourself from STDs. If you're this naive I can only imagine... I'm not sure that a man that mentions marriage so often is a pure liar.., I think he may be thinking this way...if i ask about Stds etc he will get angry. He is distant right now. I will find out soon enough as my birthday is coming up and although i mentioned it if he "ignores it" then i guess that means he is after 1 thing. Men that are after 1 thing do not introduce you to their mates?? Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 If you want marriage and kids, this is not your man and you would be wasting your valuable breeding years by staying with him. If he is the best you've had, you've had lousy guys. Know that you can meet someone even BETTER if you dump him. Don't sell yourself short. Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
snowflakes88 Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 I think he may be thinking this way...if i ask about Stds etc he will get angry. Wait. You're entertaining the idea of marriage and kids with this man (whom you don't even know) -- but you're afraid to ask him about STDs for fear of making him angry??? Are you effing kidding? Are you really that desperate for man that you'd risk your health? This is mind-blowing. And men introduce women to their friends and family all of the time when they have no intention of a long-term relationship. I have 3 brothers, and I can't tell you how many girls they introduced to the family over the years. 99% of them, they were not serious about at all. You sound INCREDIBLY naive. How old are you?? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
snowflakes88 Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 oops. i forgot bitter. ladies call them bitter losers with bad attitudes. You do sound bitter. Not single men. You. Yourself. Specifically. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author so gutted Posted September 8, 2013 Author Share Posted September 8, 2013 Wait. You're entertaining the idea of marriage and kids with this man (whom you don't even know) -- but you're afraid to ask him about STDs for fear of making him angry??? Are you effing kidding? Are you really that desperate for man that you'd risk your health? This is mind-blowing. And men introduce women to their friends and family all of the time when they have no intention of a long-term relationship. I have 3 brothers, and I can't tell you how many girls they introduced to the family over the years. 99% of them, they were not serious about at all. You sound INCREDIBLY naive. How old are you?? I am late 30s. I have never had a girlfriend boyfriend relationship where i jave slept with a man. If anything does happen i withdraw and find an excuse. I am having panic attacks at night, not towards him but im physically in a state at the thought of being childless. I am not broody its an emotional/ society driven need. I am worried, not bitter just consumed by worry of being left out of the most natural thing ever. This guy does not know this. Link to post Share on other sites
ThisGal Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 I'm not sure that a man that mentions marriage so often is a pure liar.., I think he may be thinking this way...if i ask about Stds etc he will get angry. He is distant right now. I will find out soon enough as my birthday is coming up and although i mentioned it if he "ignores it" then i guess that means he is after 1 thing. Men that are after 1 thing do not introduce you to their mates?? Then go for it! Just make sure to report back to us when it all goes downhill (it already has). Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author so gutted Posted September 8, 2013 Author Share Posted September 8, 2013 i never mentioned a thing about my own experiences so how can you go drawing a conclusion? but back to the original topic. no matter what anyone tells her, she will not leave this guy. she is magnetically attracted to him. No - i will leave him if he pursues this because its wrong. I have not chased him, he is in contact but sulking. I am not giving in, i just want to know if there is a way of approaching this and not losing him as i like him. Link to post Share on other sites
scorpiogirl Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 Why do a lot if your posts have the "forced" element? Forced to kiss. Forced to have sex. You're putting yourself in a position you don't want to be in. You want a relationship but you don't feel comfortable with the physical element. Online dating is clearly the wrong avenue for you. It is for me too because a lot of people on there want to fast forward to a physical relationship. That's not you. So stop it. They're trying to make you fit in their mould of what a date should be and you're doing the same to them. Then you end up "forced". You've already been sexually assaulted once. Do you want it to happen again? Get off the computer! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ThisGal Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 Get off the computer! :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
emva07 Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 No - i will leave him if he pursues this because its wrong. I have not chased him, he is in contact but sulking. I am not giving in, i just want to know if there is a way of approaching this and not losing him as i like him. Um, that's exactly what he said though.....you are magnetically attracted to him. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 Thanks. I want neither (him as a paycheck or sperm Donor). He has gone quiet now and it was left with him asking me to answer him re going on the pill. I am 100% sure i do not want to take these tablets. It will not enhance my life. He ticks all the boxes before this... It feels like my last chance, i have not got a lot of childbearing years left. It looks like you are saying that before all this, he seemed like the perfect potential father, and now you are running out of time for childbearing so you might as well take the risk and not use birth control. Am I misunderstanding? Link to post Share on other sites
emva07 Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 ok, can you tell us what your ideal situation with this guy is because I'm not sure if at this point you: are ok with just dating (with benefits) for a while until one day he proposes. OR You want him to marry and impregnate you NOW based off of the fact that he said he wants marriage and kids? Link to post Share on other sites
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