Cooling off [update]

[todreaminblue]

I wanted to marry someone early on in the relationship once, but then she moved up to primary school and we drifted apart....

 

 

lol.......smilin......cute......deb

[emva07]

Believe people's actions not words.

[so gutted]

Believe people's actions not words.

 

Actions are he has arranged a 4th and 5th date.

 

Still mentioning marriage and kids each morning. How can

I ask him about this without offending?

[CarrieT]

Actions are he has arranged a 4th and 5th date.

 

Still mentioning marriage and kids each morning. How can

I ask him about this without offending?

 

Grow a backbone. Isn't he offending YOU with this type of talk? Be up front and tell him that the type of discussion needs to be shelved for a year.

 

If being up front and honest with someone about this is offensive, then he is not the man for you -- or for anyone with self-respect, I gather.

[snowflakes88]

Actions are he has arranged a 4th and 5th date.

 

Still mentioning marriage and kids each morning. How can

I ask him about this without offending?

 

Of course he has... you haven't told him sex is off the table for now. Are you afraid to do that?

[emva07]

I hope you two have a beautiful wedding and beautuful kids.

 

Over it.

[BradJacobs]

Actions are he has arranged a 4th and 5th date.

 

Still mentioning marriage and kids each morning. How can

I ask him about this without offending?

Ask him how he feels about waiting to have sex until marriage so then you don't need to go on the pill?

[so gutted]

Ask him how he feels about waiting to have sex until marriage so then you don't need to go on the pill?

 

He has not mentioned the pill again if he does I will say no.

 

I just want to clarify the marriage point.

[KatZee]

I'm gonna pop the bubble you're living in.

 

This guy has an agenda. Plain and simple. No normal, emotionally sane, healthy, and respectful man brings up marriage and kids after 3 dates.

 

He's buttering you up for something, but I can tell you that that "something" is not going to be good.

 

Yes, he's planning dates 4 and 5 with you, but at the very least, this guy is needy, insecure, co-dependent, clingy, and controlling.

 

Tons of guys know how to play great game. They get you going, they flatter you, they pretend they really care about you, they show you a good time, you put out and you never hear from them again.

 

Something is wrong with your mentality that you feel you need to have sex and go on the pill no less, after 3 dates. Sex shouldn't even be on the table at this point. Sex shouldn't even be in the same room with you guys right now.

 

Also, any guy that's this quick to run out of the gate, is also going to be the guy that goes, "POOF!" He'll disappear so quick your head will spin.

 

Just thing about it. You think this guy "treats you so well." How do you even know this? You've been on three dates!!! You know nothing about this guy on any meaningful, deep level. He's making you feel all excited with the "we" talk but it's an agenda.

 

This guy doesn't even know YOU either. Where is your freak radar? You should be asking yourself..."how on earth could this guy know if he wants to marry me and have kids with me... we've barely even hung out!"

 

So bottom line: I wouldn't get on the pill. I wouldn't be engaging in sex.

[so gutted]

I'm gonna pop the bubble you're living in.

 

This guy has an agenda. Plain and simple. No normal, emotionally sane, healthy, and respectful man brings up marriage and kids after 3 dates.

 

He's buttering you up for something, but I can tell you that that "something" is not going to be good.

 

Yes, he's planning dates 4 and 5 with you, but at the very least, this guy is needy, insecure, co-dependent, clingy, and controlling.

 

Tons of guys know how to play great game. They get you going, they flatter you, they pretend they really care about you, they show you a good time, you put out and you never hear from them again.

 

Something is wrong with your mentality that you feel you need to have sex and go on the pill no less, after 3 dates. Sex shouldn't even be on the table at this point. Sex shouldn't even be in the same room with you guys right now.

 

Also, any guy that's this quick to run out of the gate, is also going to be the guy that goes, "POOF!" He'll disappear so quick your head will spin.

 

Just thing about it. You think this guy "treats you so well." How do you even know this? You've been on three dates!!! You know nothing about this guy on any meaningful, deep level. He's making you feel all excited with the "we" talk but it's an agenda.

 

This guy doesn't even know YOU either. Where is your freak radar? You should be asking yourself..."how on earth could this guy know if he wants to marry me and have kids with me... we've barely even hung out!"

 

So bottom line: I wouldn't get on the pill. I wouldn't be engaging in sex.

 

All correct. I met him online. I do not know where he lives or where he works. He appears to be fairly affluent ($200k car and expensive watches etc). I am beginning to think online is not the way forward at all. I know nothing.

 

I have met his mates, i have spent time with him and he has paid. He arranges dates etc and he is attentive. He is in contact pretty much all the time.

 

Apart from the one discussion re the pill he has not done anything that wrong.

 

I agree he needs watching etc but for now i wAnt give him a chance.

 

If the pill comes up again i will say no and if ge backs off i will be upset but at least i know.

[CarrieT]

All correct. I met him online. I do not know where he lives or where he works. He appears to be fairly affluent ($200k car and expensive watches etc). I am beginning to think online is not the way forward at all. I know nothing.

Okay - reread what you just wrote. He "appears" to be affluent because of the car he drives? (What kind is it, by the way? - Or has he just TOLD you he drives a certain kind of car; have you seen it?) And his watch could be a knock-off...

 

You don't know ANYTHING. You don't know where he lives. Or where he works.

 

Do you know how he makes his money? What kind of job he has?

 

There are way too many red flags in all the things you have told us about this guy to make us suspect. We are trying to instill that suspicion in you, because you should be very, very cautious!

[pteromom]

You say "I am not going on the pill because I have adverse reactions to medications. Let's talk about other options."

 

Then you have an adult conversation with him about it.

 

If he is forceful and pushy about his point of view and isn't open to discussion, that's a huge red flag that he is a controlling jerk, and you should walk away from him.

 

Look... it's entirely possible he is a nice guy who just got infatuated with you. It's also possible he's got major issues or only wants sex.

 

So here's how you find out.

 

Keep dating him. Make the focus of the dates TALKING. Get to know him, and show him who you are. If you like what you hear, and he seems to be getting you and liking you, keep dating him.

 

It's ok to kiss and make out, but don't make that the focus of the dates.

 

Don't sleep with him until you have a pretty good idea who he is as a person. Based on ACTIONS, not words and future-daydreaming.

[pteromom]

All correct. I met him online. I do not know where he lives or where he works. He appears to be fairly affluent ($200k car and expensive watches etc). I am beginning to think online is not the way forward at all. I know nothing.

 

Until you know who he is, where he works, etc., do NOT sleep with him if you are wanting a long-term relationship. Get to know him first!

 

This is an opportunity for you to do things differently and have a different outcome.

[pteromom]

No normal, emotionally sane, healthy, and respectful man brings up marriage and kids after 3 dates.

 

While I agree with this 90% of the time, there ARE guys who have very little dating experience who may say things like this, while being mostly normal. Well, as normal as any people are.

[so gutted]

Until you know who he is, where he works, etc., do NOT sleep with him if you are wanting a long-term relationship. Get to know him first!

 

This is an opportunity for you to do things differently and have a different outcome.

 

I have seen the car in photos ( he used it as the main wedding car for his best friends wedding) and in real life. It would be hard to borrow that kind of car.

 

I do not know where he works. He does not have a post graduate education which makes me query his lifestyle. It could be that he made money etc without an education,but generally that would not be the case?

 

I cannot ask for an invite to his place ( at least then i get a feel of him) i cannot ask whats the name of your company etc.

 

I take on board all your points. Its early early days and even if he is who he says he is its still very early in the process.

 

Thanks.

[pteromom]

I have seen the car in photos ( he used it as the main wedding car for his best friends wedding) and in real life. It would be hard to borrow that kind of car.

 

I don't think the car is the point. What kind of car he drives may give a clue to who he is, but it isn't on top of the priority list as far as the things you need to be figuring out.

 

I do not know where he works. He does not have a post graduate education which makes me query his lifestyle. It could be that he made money etc without an education,but generally that would not be the case?

 

Sure, people can make money without an education.

 

I cannot ask for an invite to his place ( at least then i get a feel of him) i cannot ask whats the name of your company etc.

 

This is stuff that comes up in normal conversation when dating. You don't want to ask the name of his company, but you can certainly say "So tell me about your job. What's a typical day like for you?" and that sort of thing. The goal isn't to get his resume... it's to figure out who he is inside.

 

I take on board all your points. Its early early days and even if he is who he says he is its still very early in the process.

 

Thanks.

 

Exactly. Enjoy his sweet words, but don't bank on them. Hold onto your heart (and your body) unless and until you can say with certainty that you trust him.

[CarrieT]

Why can't you ask about his job?!?! Where he works?!?! It makes no sense...

 

And the car may not belong to him... Heck, I've borrowed $200k cars to impress folks now and then (seriously!)

[so gutted]

Why can't you ask about his job?!?! Where he works?!?! It makes no sense...

 

And the car may not belong to him... Heck, I've borrowed $200k cars to impress folks now and then (seriously!)

 

Yes ... Its very expensive and although i have seen him drive it, he said afterwards other women have overreacted over the car.

[so gutted]

Why can't you ask about his job?!?! Where he works?!?! It makes no sense...

 

And the car may not belong to him... Heck, I've borrowed $200k cars to impress folks now and then (seriously!)

 

I hate to say it you were all right.

 

We were supposed to meet this evening after work. He got held up

And told me to ho home and he will meet me nearby later on.

 

A few sms later he kept moving the time. Still hasnt turned up.

 

I was excited to meet him, got dressed up, nails done etc.

 

Result sitting at home done up and he is god knows where.

 

Think he expecta me to come out at night now.

 

No dating, no courying just a night time booty call when he is ready.

 

I know you warned me, but i feel very stupid and very emotional.

 

How stupid am

I?

 

Until 20 mins ago i was still dressed up at home waiting, i was still considering meeting him ( him tired from his "work" and no dinner for me, just a cheap hook up).

 

Future wife?

[GorillaTheater]

I'm sorry SG.

 

But you know, you really didn't lose anything here, just the thought of something.

 

Take care of yourself and learn from the experience.

[so gutted]

I'm sorry SG.

 

But you know, you really didn't lose anything here, just the thought of something.

 

Take care of yourself and learn from the experience.

 

It hurts more that he did this on my birthday and forgot it was my birthday.

 

I have lost something, hope.

[GorillaTheater]

It hurts more that he did this on my birthday and forgot it was my birthday.

 

I have lost something, hope.

 

It's just temporary. Like I said, take care of yourself in the meantime.

[CarrieT]

I'm sorry you got so invested so early, SG. I've certainly done it and konw how easy it is to do.

 

But hopefully you will learn from this and let those red flags put you on guard next time...

 

You dodged a bullet!

[so gutted]

I'm sorry SG.

 

But you know, you really didn't lose anything here, just the thought of something.

 

Take care of yourself and learn from the experience.

 

I'm sorry you got so invested so early, SG. I've certainly done it and konw how easy it is to do.

 

But hopefully you will learn from this and let those red flags put you on guard next time...

 

You dodged a bullet!

 

Its hard not to get invested when a guy talks to you face to face about what you lack. I really felt an outpour of cr-p and emotions today.

 

I feel drained and very very stupid. Like those people you read about that are duped online and you think how stupid.

 

It happens to the best of us.

 

Thanks for the warnings without them, i would still have my make up

On waiting.

 

He has not even said sorry.

[scorpiogirl]

I was like you. Very naive and inexperienced. I used to think men would not say or do certain things if they didn't really mean it. Why would he talk about a future? Why would he spend all this money? Why would he .... Fill in the blank here.

 

I was convinced they were genuine. But I've learned from all those fools who've lied to me before. Now I know better. I can see them coming a mile away.

Next time a guy starts talking about kids and marriage soon after meeting, you will know to tread with caution.

This guy has come into your life to teach you a lesson. Learn it and don't be fooled again. You may or may mot meet a life partner.Being single is not the death sentence some think. I used to wish for one too. Now I am ok with the fact it may not happen.

 

Don't invest more into them than they do you. I'm still guilty of this sometimes but I'm a lot better than I was.

 

Don't waste another minute crying over this idiot.

 

And happy birthday.