SoAlone88 Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 (edited) A little over a year ago, I found out my partner was having an affair. A couple months after I found out, he told me he no longer love me and that he loves her and he wants to be with her. He left and I was heart broken for a long time. We have an almost 3 year old together, and I did not want to seperate him from his father so I also had to come to terms with the OW being around our son. I feel that I am ready to start dating now. When I told my ex this, he didn't seem to care. Shortly after this a co-worker who had been flirting with me for a while asked me out and I accepted. When I told my ex this, he said that he and ow discussed this and think it would be better for me to not date at all until our son graduates college. His reasoning was that our son already had to get used to having another woman around and that he shouldn't have to do it again, should I decide that I want to marry another man. He said that when he has graduated college, he should be almost fully independent by then and thus would not be badly affected if I choose to date. This seems totally unfair to me. I did not choose to be single. HE put this all on me. I LOVED him with all my heart and he left. So not only does he think I have to deal with the blow my self worth and happiness he took away from me, I also have to deal with being without the emotion and physical intimacy of a relationship for the next 18+ years? I told him this and he said I should be focusing 100% on our son and that I shouldn't need a relationship to make me happy. Our son is supposed to be the only love I need. Does anyone agree with this? Edited November 5, 2013 by SoAlone88
anne1707 Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 I think you should be glad to be free of this selfish piece of ****! You are more than entitled to have your own life and to share that with a man who truly cares. Your ex just wants you to stay single so he does not have to take care of your son. It would be so sweet for them if you were all sad and alone. Well ignore them and go have some fun. 13
RightThere Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Does anyone agree with this? No one agrees with your ex. Your ex doesn't actually agree with himself. It's not his fault he's an idiot. Eff him and get out there on a date. 14
Author SoAlone88 Posted November 5, 2013 Author Posted November 5, 2013 We have shared custody so he would be taking care of our son regardless. I don't think it's about control, either. He had a stepdad who he hated and he always said that people with children shouldn't date. I think it's very hypocritical of him to say call me selfish for wanting to date when he was the one who turned our lives upside down in the first place. 2
Sub Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 That's pretty unbelievable. What sort of agreement do you have in terms of custody?
ThorntonMelon Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 I hope you won't take this the wrong way. You need either through therapy or your friends to find someone to talk to in order to be able to see through the level of **** this "man" throws at you. Honestly, and again, I apologize profusely for the bluntness - the request shouldn't have needed a message board posting - you should hear that for the nonsense that it is - the fact that it didn't suggests he has some sort of control over you that you need to work through. 9
Furious Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 When I told my ex this, he said that he and ow discussed this and think it would be better for me to not date at all until our son graduates college. I thought I'd heard it all by now but this is beyond comprehension that he and the OW feel you should be denied to find love again while these two soulmates are loving each other up, It's absurd and bordering on insanity that your ex could even suggest such a thing. Live your life for you and don't waste a moment or any headspace about those two idiots. 10
Spark1111 Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 tell him to go suck eggs....and date away. he will just have to deal with his own childhood issues as you too are entitled to a loving caring partner. IF he was truly interested in his son's life, he would never have had a secret affair that turned his world, and his child's mother's world, upside down. better yet,ask he and his OW if they know of anyone they could introduce you. yes, you are that serious..... 7
Author SoAlone88 Posted November 5, 2013 Author Posted November 5, 2013 I think you misunderstood. I do not plan on following his advice, and I think it's bull. I just wanted to see if anyone here actually thinks this way and why. He isn't the only one who has said things like this. Apparently, his lady called Dr.Laura also thinks this way and she has a very large following. 2
RightThere Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Apparently, his lady called Dr.Laura also thinks this way and she has a very large following. So does Paris Hilton. Doesn't mean I'd follow her advice on anything. 4
Spark1111 Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 I think you misunderstood. I do not plan on following his advice, and I think it's bull. I just wanted to see if anyone here actually thinks this way and why. He isn't the only one who has said things like this. Apparently, his lady called Dr.Laura also thinks this way and she has a very large following. His lady is full of bunk too. Dr. Laura may suggest that for both partners to stay committed in a relationship until a child has reached maturity. But that ship sailed when he left you for his OW. These two sound deranged. Ignore them! And date away! 4
Clay Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 I agree with everyone else. He made his choice. Time for him and his opinion to move right along. Its none of his business if you date or don't. I would simply just tell him its not his place to comment or have an opinion. Its not like he came to you and introduced you to the OW prior to bringing her in your life. Clay 2
Arty54 Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 I'm almost speechless, he and the OW are trying to control you, he doesn't want you and doesn't want anyone else to have you. How selfish.. Please do your own thing, he is an ass****! 2
Furious Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 I think you misunderstood. I do not plan on following his advice, and I think it's bull. I just wanted to see if anyone here actually thinks this way and why. He isn't the only one who has said things like this. Apparently, his lady called Dr.Laura also thinks this way and she has a very large following. Dr. Laura has been the ow more than once. She is a bag of hypocritical hot air. She never practiced what she preached and does more harm than good. Google her and you will be stunned about what a nut job she is. You're instinct is spot on....what your ex and his OW are saying is total bull. 5
Faery Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 So normal dating while single is not okay but cheating and leaving your wife for the OW is? Crazy. Kids don't need the whole world to be about them. While they do need love, attention, and time they also need, discipline and to learn you don't always get what you want. Plus lots of other valuable lessons. They most certainly don't need 18 years if their life revolving solely around them. All that creates is self entitled adults. As long as you aren't neglecting your child or forcing him to call every man "daddy" or any of those extreme and sad cases I really don't can't see how another dad in his life will harm him. But it could harm your husband. Think of you marrying a very nice man who becomes a great dad and role model then when your kid gets to figuring it out stage he will see two men. The one that cheats and the one that didn't. Don't think you will find anyone here who agrees with your husband here. 3
bwright42tx Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 We have shared custody so he would be taking care of our son regardless. I don't think it's about control, either. He had a stepdad who he hated and he always said that people with children shouldn't date. I think it's very hypocritical of him to say call me selfish for wanting to date when he was the one who turned our lives upside down in the first place. Your Son deserves a mother who is happy and to live in a home surrounded by love. Seeing you happy and in a healthy relationship will help him to form healthy happy relationships in the future. 3
ChooseTruth Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 So he started dating without your approval while you were still married, then left you. Now he thinks you should think of the children and not date while he gets a free pass to enjoy the sin born relationship that tore your family apart? The hypocrisy and selfishness blows my mind. Why don't you ask him and OW to stop dating since they never had the right in the first place. It's only fair that you being the faithful one get to be the ex that gets to date. The wayward should be the one to cry in their pillow every night. That guy, wow. I do think it's good to at least talk about dating with your son though. Not asking permission, just kinda clearing the air and letting him express his feelings about it. I'm trying to figure out how to handle this with my daughter right now actually. I just completed a divorce with my unfaithful ex last week. 4
ComingInHot Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Have you tried telling the two of them... "SUCK IT!!!!"? Just wondering* . Cause rest assured I would, but only after talking to my children so they understand exactly who and what and where and how then ask how they would feel about this gentleman doing things the RIGHT way (ie; picking you up at the front door w/flowers, greeting children w/respect, informing children he'll take good care of you and when he'll have you home). My GREAT GOD, they have to learn what is Right, Honest, Ethical, Moral & Authentic from SOMEONE and it "ain't" gonna be your ex and his ow. 9
Raena Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Completely unbelievable that either of them would feel that they have any right to tell you what to do with your free time. Tell both of the scum suckers that while you appreciate their supposed concern for your child, you will decide for yourself when you are ready to date and that neither one of them are in a position to be giving dating advice. Especially the OW... she has absolutely no business getting in the middle of this discussion, how you two decide to raise your child is between you two, not her. Then... go on your merry way and date the guy you are interested in. I'm sure you aren't planning on letting this new guy meet your child right away anyhow right? Go date... when and if you find the right guy, then worry about introducing him to your family. In the meantime, don't tell either one of them what you are doing. It is none of their business. 2
miguelcervantes Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 This is so ludicrous as to almost be made up - what I would call a wind-up or chain-yanking post! Almost too bad to be true! Not saying that it isn't true but you know what I mean! Of course no one is going to agree with this. What I don't understand is why you felt you even had to ask this! 3
aussietigerwolf Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 My ex tried controling crap like this. I just ignored him... But my response to your ex would've been "bahahaha oh, your serious??? That's even funnier!" 5
SidLyon Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Just ignore him and do what you want. In future don't tell him anything about your plans to date as he seems to see it as "provocative" so he comes out with this rubbish. Limit your contact with him to just matters concerning your son and co-parenting. 2
crederer Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Dr. Laura? Listening to her is your first mistake. Secondly, why are you even telling your ex this? Just the way you presented it to him was almost as though you were asking for his permission. 4
waterwoman Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Response to your ex: "Do bugger off, there's a dear" or alternatively "did you mean to be so ridiculous?" 3
harrybrown Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 When he cheated, was he thinking of your son? When he left was he thinking of your son? Have him start babysitting more so you can date every night of the week. Only talk to him when necessary about your son and get this jerk out of your life. And what lie did they tell Dr. Laura about the situation anyway? It could not have been anything with the truth involved, because of all the lying and cheating. 3
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