ampxo Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 So six months ago i met a guy, and instantly when i looked at him I knew he was going to be mine. I remember thinking 'he's going to be my man'. Needless to say, we hung out once, we clicked instantly and hung out everyday and after one week we make it official. i felt extremely comfortable around him from the beginning. We just have this connection like someone i've never really felt before. We been together for the past 6 months, but we broke up about 5 times for a short amount of time. No real big issues, over silly fights and usually I was the one that ended it out of anger, which was immature of me. When were together, we are perfect. Our relationship is great for the most part. I know all relationships, even the best of the best need a little work. We broke up about 4 weeks ago, stopped talking for a week. As soon as we seen each other again, from that moment we got back together. He stood there in the middle of a crowded room kissed me and i felt it in every part of my body, he said 'I missed you so much'. So, for the past 4 weeks we have been perfect. Better than we have ever been. Untill last Friday, i found out he went to a club on halloween night which really made me mad, call it being insecure.. whatever you want to call it, i was pissed. So i called him, freaked out. Ignored him for that friday, and all day Saturday. I went to a party on Saturday night, someone had my phone and texted him saying 'sorry there is someone else i dont want you anymore'. The same person who told me he was downtown. A guy friend of mine. It's clear this friend of mine doesn't want me with him. Anyways i freaked out on this person. Explained to my bf that it wasn't me and he told me not to bother calling him or texting him, saying he was done. I sent him three long text messages saying how much i loved him, how i didn't want to fight or break up again and that it's stupid. He didn't respond to any of them and that was Sunday. So it's been two days and i still haven't heard anything from him. What do you guys think about on again and off again relationships. When we are ON we are perfect. We always talked about our future, kids, marriage. etc.. I even had my IUD removed because we were going to start trying soon. But it seems like when we fight, we don't know how to communicate through our problems and instead we break up, not speak to each other and i am miserable thinking that this is the end of us. I'm sick of it. We both have such similar personalities and we are both very stubborn. I know there is no point in trying to calling him or texting him again because that will only give him more of the reason to be more distant cause he know's that i will just try to keep pursuing and he'll know im not going anywhere. If he loved me as much as he said he does, then why is it so easy for him to let go. Does anyone have an advice, or just share your opinion of the situation. I know our relationship has only been 6 months long, which is not long at all. I have been in a three year, two year and one year relationships but none of them were like this one. We're best friends and our relationship has great potential.
Author ampxo Posted November 5, 2013 Author Posted November 5, 2013 My question is based on my previous post called 'We broke up.. Again'. If you truly believe that your relationship is worth fighting for, and that you truly care deeply for someone.... is it worth calling them up and telling them, even when you tried and they ignored you completely. I have read many articles that basically say psychology, men want what they cant have so if you pretend you dont care, or go no contact than that will being them closer and it's the most effective way to get your ex back, is by not contacting him at all. I have done this, and yes i suppose it did work because we got back together. But he told me that i should of just explained to him how i felt so we could of fixed it sooner instead of playing cat and mouse for a week or two. I'm tired of the games, it's immature. But at the same time, i tried to get him back the whole day by calling him and texting him non stop and he ignored me since than. What are your thoughts. Should i use no contact, pretend to live my life happily and act like our breakup isn't killing me inside or should i fight for him.
Author ampxo Posted November 5, 2013 Author Posted November 5, 2013 (edited) If you were perfect when you were on, you wouldn't have broken up 5 times in 6 months. You're dating someone who is addicted to "the chase". When he doesn't have you, he wants you. When he has you, he doesn't want you. These guys are master manipulators, often "future faking" to get you to come back to them but, like a toddler who becomes bored with a toy, they lose interest once they have you. Your relationship is not perfect. It's not even a relationship. You're just his toy. Unless you dump him now, he'll just keep reeling you in, and then throwing you away. Oh , and you're probably not his only one. Guys like this often have a few "toys" on the go, some are even already in a committed relationship. That's why you're going nowhere with him. I broke up with him. This whole entire thing is my fault, not his. He tried calling me and fixing this problem but i was too stubborn then when he stopped calling, i started doing the chasing. if anyone was playing games in the situation it was me. Now I'm dealing with the consequences. Edited November 5, 2013 by ampxo
pteromom Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 I don't believe it is worth fighting for someone who is choosing not to be with you, but it is ALWAYS worth honestly communicating your feelings so if the relationship does end, it ends with nothing unsaid on your end. You at least walk away knowing you did all you could do. 1
xUnknown Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 I broke up with him. This whole entire thing is my fault, not his. He tried calling me and fixing this problem but i was too stubborn then when he stopped calling, i started doing the chasing. if anyone was playing games in the situation it was me. Now I'm dealing with the consequences. Stop with the games. Give him a few days of No Contact...then after a week, Tell him again, "sorry for the text that guy sent you which lead to all this. I didn't do it, blah blah blah. I want you back, but I understand if you do not want to get back together. If that is the case then take care and I wish the best in the future. "If he doesn't respond, then you know where things stand. I see it as things are done, which I think is the best for both of you.
tinktronik Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Leave this poor guy alone. You are too immature to be in a relationship OP. Work on your anger management issues and then maybe look for a relationship. Thank goodness you didn't get pregnant trying to have a baby with someone you dated 5 months and broke up with 6 times. Too much drama. 1
xUnknown Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 thank goodness you didn't get pregnant trying to have a baby with someone you dated 5 months and broke up with 6 times. Too much drama. ^-------this
Zahara Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Thinking the same thing. Together for 6 months, broke up 5 times and getting off your birth control and thinking about bringing children into this mess? Unbelievable. 2
Author ampxo Posted November 5, 2013 Author Posted November 5, 2013 Leave this poor guy alone. You are too immature to be in a relationship OP. Work on your anger management issues and then maybe look for a relationship. Thank goodness you didn't get pregnant trying to have a baby with someone you dated 5 months and broke up with 6 times. Too much drama. I understand completely where you are coming from. You see oner side of things. But just so you know, this man isn't perfect either He's egotistical, shallow, materialistic and selfish. and a lot of people say i deserve better cause he's not exactly a great guy.. BUT i have accepted these things in him and he has so many good qualitys too that i love, and the good outweighs the bad
pteromom Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 We always talked about our future, kids, marriage. etc.. I even had my IUD removed because we were going to start trying soon. WHAT? WHY? You guys are wayyyyyyyy too unstable to even be thinking about kids. If you get back together, don't even think about kids until you are able to work through this: But it seems like when we fight, we don't know how to communicate through our problems and instead we break up, not speak to each other Does anyone have an advice, or just share your opinion of the situation. I know our relationship has only been 6 months long, which is not long at all. I have been in a three year, two year and one year relationships but none of them were like this one. We're best friends and our relationship has great potential. Potential only goes so far. A relationship takes commitment and the maturity and capability to work through problems and grow as they are resolved. You guys don't do that - you just explode and run away from each other. I don't see much of a future here unless you both change the way you interact and solve problems in the relationship. And did I mention - for effs sake, don't bring children into this mess?!?!??!
Zahara Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 He's egotistical, shallow, materialistic and selfish. What's the good?
Author ampxo Posted November 5, 2013 Author Posted November 5, 2013 WHAT? WHY? You guys are wayyyyyyyy too unstable to even be thinking about kids. If you get back together, don't even think about kids until you are able to work through this: Potential only goes so far. A relationship takes commitment and the maturity and capability to work through problems and grow as they are resolved. You guys don't do that - you just explode and run away from each other. I don't see much of a future here unless you both change the way you interact and solve problems in the relationship. And did I mention - for effs sake, don't bring children into this mess?!?!??! I agree, it definitely will not work unless we start communicating and learning how to resolve our issues in a mature manner.. i guess my question is it too late for that now
ponchsox Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Outside of marriage. No. It should come natural and shouldn't be fought if it's right. In a marriage, people bail way too quickly. Almost like a relationship that is tied with a certificate. A marriage is really a covenant with God that you will love them forever. 1
tinktronik Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 I understand completely where you are coming from. You see oner side of things. But just so you know, this man isn't perfect either He's egotistical, shallow, materialistic and selfish. and a lot of people say i deserve better cause he's not exactly a great guy.. BUT i have accepted these things in him and he has so many good qualitys too that i love, and the good outweighs the bad Why in the world would you want to have a baby with a egotistical, shallow, materialistic and selfish man? 1
ponchsox Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 I think your first sentence tells it all. He isn't yours. That sounds possessive and is destined for failure.
Author ampxo Posted November 5, 2013 Author Posted November 5, 2013 What's the good? he cares deeply for his family, he's ambitious. He's very goal orientated. He finds ways to help me become a better version of myself. He's great with kids. He's affectionate and emotional. He makes me laugh. He's protects and provides.
seekingpeaceinlove Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Agreed. These 2 need to mature a whole lot more before being in a healthy relationship. A baby? Ridiculous. Their mindset says enough about the situation. Scary.
ponchsox Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 I'm sorry, but breaking up 5 times in 6 months is not normal. If you want to be a single mom, go for it. 2
Zahara Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 he cares deeply for his family, he's ambitious. He's very goal orientated. He finds ways to help me become a better version of myself. He's great with kids. He's affectionate and emotional. He makes me laugh. He's protects and provides. He cares deeply for his family and his ambitions don't translate to someone being emotionally mature and stable in a relationship for YOU. Two different things. A better version of yourself? YOU need to find ways to become a better version of yourself. Suddenly he sounds like the perfect guy when you only just said he is selfish, egotistical, shallow and materialistic. I have a feeling you idealize way more than you should. 2
seekingpeaceinlove Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 ampxo, it takes hard work and a lot of time for people to change. Unfortunately in this situation it looks like both of you have some serious work to do before you can have a successful relationship with each other. History is the best indicator of future behavior. If you get back together any time soon guess what will happen again. It seems though that you two thrive off of the drama. Let him go. Focus on improving yourself and when you're ready, you'll meet the right man who is also mature enough to make the relationship work. Good luck.
Simon Phoenix Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 This whole thing sounds like a dumpster fire. 1
Author ampxo Posted November 5, 2013 Author Posted November 5, 2013 He called me a few minutes ago. To ask me where I was going this weekend I'm planning a shopping trip with my mom. The conversation did not go well. At first he said he slept with someone else then when I started to cry he said he was just kidding. Then he said our relationship had no spark and told me to stop crying it was unattractive and made me look weak. & said that all of this is my fault.. & said he was done, he didn't want me anymore I'm too crazy. Just basically treated me like I litterly meant nothing to him . Now I'm sick to my stomach and cant stop crying. My heart hurts
Zahara Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 He called me a few minutes ago. To ask me where I was going this weekend I'm planning a shopping trip with my mom. The conversation did not go well. At first he said he slept with someone else then when I started to cry he said he was just kidding. Then he said our relationship had no spark and told me to stop crying it was unattractive and made me look weak. & said that all of this is my fault.. & said he was done, he didn't want me anymore I'm too crazy. Just basically treated me like I litterly meant nothing to him . Now I'm sick to my stomach and cant stop crying. My heart hurts He certainly sounds like a prize. What a tool. And this is the guy that makes you be a better version of yourself. Sounds like he is a complete jerk.
d0nnivain Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 A good, solid healthy relationship is worth fighting for BEFORE it's irreversibly broken. Once you get to the point where some person has decided to walk away, there is nothing left to fight for so don't waste your time & energy. You should have been putting all of the into making the relationship work in the 1st place. If you were busting your hump to make it work & it still failed, that's on the other person, not you, & there is nothing you could have done to change the outcome. No fighting / effort should be required in the 1st 6 months. That's the honeymoon period when everything is supposed to be perfect. To break up & get back together 5 times in that short time is insane. It's also not healthy. Most people can't even figure out whether they are truly in love within such a short period of time. 1
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