Socalidude20 Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Also would you it makes someone not straight any longer if they dated an intersex person what if it was someone assigned female at birth therefore had genitals altered to look female. However they grew up to identify as a gay male. They're legally female still. They have female gents however his body looks like a guy's he's taller muscular build similar in structure has a less mature male voice but also has a dolllike face. He does wear make up to eccentuate it at times. People sometimes perceive him to just be an androgynous female. Other times perceived as an effeminate gay guy. He's had hook ups with straight guys bisexuals gays like himself pansexuals etc but he has never dated straight guys. however there's this straight guy who falls for him and they start dating and form a serious relationship. Legally and intimately by definition it would be a straight relationship however on the social level they look quite like a gay couple. Wouldn't that make him at least bisexual as well?
GorillaTheater Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Wow. As confusing as all the lableing in this post is to me, my inclination would be to say "well, f*ck the labels". Can you help identify why this is important to you? Maybe that's a better place to start. 2
Author Socalidude20 Posted November 5, 2013 Author Posted November 5, 2013 Wait... What? You are still considered a "straight" guy if the guy you hooked up with is bi-sexual? I must have missed that day in biology class. In my world, If I were to date / hook up / be interested in a female or male who looks, acts, thinks, believes, wants to be a male... I wouldn't think I was straight. What does that matter at this point? Umm your first statement about a straight guy with a bisexual I don't really get where you got that from. There was no specific bisexual guy in my example just a gay guy and another guy who claims he's straight. Biologically, speaking the gay guy has a vagina so biologically that I guess would be straight. Yeah that's what I'd think as well. He was attracted to him and presents himself as male. That doesn't seem straight to me. But then it's like maybe to him he seemed like an androgynous woman that then wouldn't make him gay now would it? I think perhaps that's the reason his bf has in the past had hook ups with straight guys because their perception was different. Plus gender identitywise he's not a traditional male which is why sometimes he wears make up styled dyed shorter hair leggings and a short tank top and high heels. Which is a feminine persona he usually takes especially when he's like aroused or whatever so at those times many of the time straight guys will find him attractive. But usually it is just lust and not like a relationship. From what I know I'd never think a straight guy could form a relationship like that unless he wasn't so straight after all. The reason it matters is because this guy doesn't mind being in a relationship with him. However, doesn't want to admit he's anything but straight and is having issues with acknowledging him as his bf to his friends and family. He's even suggested introducing in a more gender neutral way than all out saying he's his bf.
Author Socalidude20 Posted November 5, 2013 Author Posted November 5, 2013 Wow. As confusing as all the lableing in this post is to me, my inclination would be to say "well, f*ck the labels". Can you help identify why this is important to you? Maybe that's a better place to start. Due to the relationship issues basically.
GorillaTheater Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 I'd say with all of the factors involved here, your friend can label himself and his relationship however he wants, and be right regardless of what he says. 1
pteromom Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 The reason it matters is because this guy doesn't mind being in a relationship with him. However, doesn't want to admit he's anything but straight and is having issues with acknowledging him as his bf to his friends and family. He's even suggested introducing in a more gender neutral way than all out saying he's his bf. Which one of these guys are you? All this third-person-talking makes this confusing to follow. I assume you are the straight male in this scenario, so I'll address as if you are. If not, adjust pronouns as needed. First, it doesn't matter what label you apply to yourself. But if you want one, we'll go with bisexual. Or you can go with straight, but you just happened to fall for one person who identifies as a male. From what I know I'd never think a straight guy could form a relationship like that unless he wasn't so straight after all Not necessarily. Sometimes, you can fall for a person, not for what they have between their legs, but for who they are. I have female friends like that... they are technically straight (they notice and are attracted to MEN), but they happen to have fallen in love with a woman. So sure, that could happen to men too, I suppose. So label yourself however you want. Or don't label yourself at all. That's ok too. However, doesn't want to admit he's anything but straight and is having issues with acknowledging him as his bf to his friends and family. He's even suggested introducing in a more gender neutral way than all out saying he's his bf. This is a bigger issue than the label. I am assuming your bf is not happy with being a secret lover, and wants to be able to publicly be with you. So you have to decide what is most important to you - your bf, or your image and what your friends/family think of you. And then act accordingly. But it isn't fair to treat your bf like a dirty secret.
Author Socalidude20 Posted November 5, 2013 Author Posted November 5, 2013 Which one of these guys are you? All this third-person-talking makes this confusing to follow. I assume you are the straight male in this scenario, so I'll address as if you are. If not, adjust pronouns as needed. First, it doesn't matter what label you apply to yourself. But if you want one, we'll go with bisexual. Or you can go with straight, but you just happened to fall for one person who identifies as a male. Not necessarily. Sometimes, you can fall for a person, not for what they have between their legs, but for who they are. I have female friends like that... they are technically straight (they notice and are attracted to MEN), but they happen to have fallen in love with a woman. So sure, that could happen to men too, I suppose. So label yourself however you want. Or don't label yourself at all. That's ok too. This is a bigger issue than the label. I am assuming your bf is not happy with being a secret lover, and wants to be able to publicly be with you. So you have to decide what is most important to you - your bf, or your image and what your friends/family think of you. And then act accordingly. But it isn't fair to treat your bf like a dirty secret. But what to say when people ask? He still identifies as straight. It's not exactly like that because he's probably attracted to the guy because he does have a femalelike face and plus he does have feminine days plus the fact that he does possess female parts. I think that's why he won't come out because he doesn't want to be labelled anything he doesn't believe he is basically.
pteromom Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 But what to say when people ask? He still identifies as straight. It's not exactly like that because he's probably attracted to the guy because he does have a femalelike face and plus he does have feminine days plus the fact that he does possess female parts. Again, this is hard to discuss as a third person. If this is truly just a friend of yours, when people ask, you say "I've always known him as a straight guy, but obviously he's dating a guy, so I guess he's bi." and don't make a big deal out of it, because... who cares? You don't have to be emotionally involved in how he labels himself. But if this is YOU that you are talking about, then you can label yourself however you want to. This is a very unusual situation, since TECHNICALLY this bf is a girl with female parts, but identifies as a guy. I don't know. This may be a question for Dan Savage. LOL I think that's why he won't come out because he doesn't want to be labelled anything he doesn't believe he is basically. If he is sticking his penis in a vagina, I don't think he qualifies as "gay". But that's just me, and I guess everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I guess here's what I'd do.... For close friends and family, I would explain to them that your "bf" is a girl, but just likes to identify as a guy. And wouldn't really get into it beyond that. Maybe the first time they meet him/her, he/she would be willing to present as female in order to lessen confusion and judgment. Then you guys can talk to them together about the weird relationship. For acquaintances and strangers, they are going to assume you are a gay couple. In order to be ok with this relationship, you are going to have to get ok with appearing to be a gay couple to the world - unless your bf is willing to identify as female in order to be in the relationship (only he/she knows how deeply his/her gender identity goes.)
youaremysunshine Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 So this person has the biological sex of female, which was coercively assigned at birth to an interest person through surgery, they grew up to indentfiy with the masculine gender. Sex and gender and different. Sex is about body parts and chromosomes, gender is about socialization, behaviour and personal identity. Gender is fluid. Sex is also not as cut and dry as it seems! Honestly, whoever dates this person should honour their preferred pronouns and identity (male) while not worry too much if they are straight or gay. They must be attracted to female bodies at least, if they want to date someone with female genitalia. As for others... Let em wonder!
Author Socalidude20 Posted November 6, 2013 Author Posted November 6, 2013 She's not biologically female. He can't get pregnant. And like I said his body type is male plus a lot of other things like genetically it's a male but he has a pretty face like a girl's and genitals that are female. His body is more like a guys minus the privates. So I guess that's why gays can find him attractive while straight guys see the same thing but a different perception when I dress like a girl. Which is why with straight guys have always been a hook up situation. But anyway, I'm done. I guess it was just my way of writing everything out.
youaremysunshine Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 Forgive me if I misunderstood, but this person is assigned the female sex as birth, through surgery with without their consent, is that correct? It's really horrible that doctors feel the need to "pick" for intersex children.
Author Socalidude20 Posted November 6, 2013 Author Posted November 6, 2013 Help! You said, SHE is not a female. The very next sentence you said, HE can't get pregnant. Then you stated that you wear make up and women's clothing. Is the make up and women's clothing something related to cross dressing / drag or does this person present themselves as both a gay man and a woman (even though they identify themselves as a gay man)? This is all very confusing. Yeah it's more a drag thing but like I said its only done when horny and in a slutty fashion. He doesn't actually do drag as in like he doesn't wear dresses or skirts. Usually he's dressed like a guy though Well he's not female. And he can't get pregnant he's medically more male than female.
Author Socalidude20 Posted November 6, 2013 Author Posted November 6, 2013 Forgive me if I misunderstood, but this person is assigned the female sex as birth, through surgery with without their consent, is that correct? It's really horrible that doctors feel the need to "pick" for intersex children. Yeah most of the time in his case though they do identify as female.
Author Socalidude20 Posted November 6, 2013 Author Posted November 6, 2013 Short answer: If you hook up with a guy, you're gay. So, yes, you are gay. I don't care if he's gay or not. I'm done. I think anyway. 1
Author Socalidude20 Posted November 6, 2013 Author Posted November 6, 2013 (edited) she that's a typo and I'm the other guy. Edited November 6, 2013 by Socalidude20
pteromom Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 So you are the partner with female genitals in this situation? This is very confusing. I hope you are able to come to peace with who you are and whatever labels you want to assign to yourself.
Author Socalidude20 Posted November 6, 2013 Author Posted November 6, 2013 I accept what I am always have. It was just that relationship. I decided to call it quits. I don't like being a secret.
pteromom Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 I accept what I am always have. It was just that relationship. I decided to call it quits. I don't like being a secret. I wish you had posted as yourself from the beginning. I don't blame you for not wanting to be a secret. 2
Author Socalidude20 Posted November 6, 2013 Author Posted November 6, 2013 I was trying not to be biased.
pteromom Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 I was trying not to be biased. I know, but we can give better advice if we know your point of view. What I would tell you and what I would tell your partner and what I would tell a third party are all different things. I hope all is well with you.
Author Socalidude20 Posted November 7, 2013 Author Posted November 7, 2013 Thanks. Well it no longer matters
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