HowDoIknow Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Hi everyone, I've been reading here for awhile now and finally decided to post. How do you decide when it's just time to walk away? I'm really struggling with this. Long story short, my boyfriend and I have been together a year. I found out awhile ago that he cheated early in our relationship. I didn't speak to him for 2 weeks at that time, as I sorted through my feelings. He kept calling and texting and one day I finally responded. We've been back together for about 4 weeks now. My problem is that as much as I love him and as much as I'm trying to work through this, I'm just not sure I'm able to. I find myself experiencing a range of emotions. Such happiness when we are together, but an almost anxiety/panic feeling when we are not. To the point where my heart races. He could not be more sorry, says it will never happen again, and seems confident we will get through it. I'm not so sure. I don't want to waste his time or mine if I'm not able to get past it. I don't want to live the rest of my life feeling this way. I guess my question really comes down to how do you know when it is time to just walk away?
xUnknown Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Hi everyone, I've been reading here for awhile now and finally decided to post. How do you decide when it's just time to walk away? I'm really struggling with this. Long story short, my boyfriend and I have been together a year. I found out awhile ago that he cheated early in our relationship. I didn't speak to him for 2 weeks at that time, as I sorted through my feelings. He kept calling and texting and one day I finally responded. We've been back together for about 4 weeks now. My problem is that as much as I love him and as much as I'm trying to work through this, I'm just not sure I'm able to. I find myself experiencing a range of emotions. Such happiness when we are together, but an almost anxiety/panic feeling when we are not. To the point where my heart races. He could not be more sorry, says it will never happen again, and seems confident we will get through it. I'm not so sure. I don't want to waste his time or mine if I'm not able to get past it. I don't want to live the rest of my life feeling this way. I guess my question really comes down to how do you know when it is time to just walk away? You know based on what your gut is telling you. Listen to it, don't try and rationalize what he did or convince yourself not to listen to what your gut is saying. 4
headinthecloud Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 He betrayed your trust, this is not something you can easily overcome. The trouble is he withheld it from you for almost a year. That says a lot. Had he cheated and told you right away it would be different. I'm so sorry this happened to you. Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship, without it what do you have?
LivingDeadGrl Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Trust your gut! I ignored mine for a long time in my last relationship and it was the wrong thing to do. Wasted a lot of my life on someone who didn't deserve it. Also, trust just doesn't grow back on trees. Good Luck.
aybc123 Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 did he tell you or did you pry it from him or did someone else tell you? if he told you, well, that's really the only way i'd be sticking around, cheating is one thing, lying is another. anyway, how did it happen? maybe if it was a drunken mistake or something you could both agree not to get drunk unless you're together, idk.
ponchsox Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 Trust your gut! I ignored mine for a long time in my last relationship and it was the wrong thing to do. Wasted a lot of my life on someone who didn't deserve it. Also, trust just doesn't grow back on trees. Good Luck. This. I went against my gut and just got strung along for another year. My original concerns were never fixed and couldn't have been. 1
Author HowDoIknow Posted November 6, 2013 Author Posted November 6, 2013 did he tell you or did you pry it from him or did someone else tell you? if he told you, well, that's really the only way i'd be sticking around, cheating is one thing, lying is another. anyway, how did it happen? maybe if it was a drunken mistake or something you could both agree not to get drunk unless you're together, idk. He told me. We were talking about taking the next step in our relationship, and he said before we could do so, he needed to tell me something. My heart dropped immediately. I didn't know what was coming, but I knew it wasn't good. He broke my heart. I'm trying to work through it. I want to be with him. I'm not even sure what my gut is telling me. Or maybe I know and it's my heart or head getting in the way. I'm glad I know. But in a way I wish I could rewind time...
Author HowDoIknow Posted November 6, 2013 Author Posted November 6, 2013 Anyone out there have any advice?
AllTooWell Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 I was in a similar situation to you. And I forgave, and we tried to move on. And we did, in a lot of ways I was over what had happened but the fact is, it caused issues and it really hurt months and a year later. Being betrayed like that changes you, you are not going to be able to trust him. I felt exactly the same way - when together, maybe things could work out and we will be OK - when apart, immediate panic. That is NOT OK. This leads to codependency and control issues and all sorts of really, really painful things that will hurt the both of you. It is awful because it really hurts to love someone and need to walk away. But if your gut is telling you that's what you need to do, that's what you need to do.
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